For the first time in three weeks, work had allowed me to take what was rightfully mine (AKA reclaim my #ThirstyThursday) and how do the evil train companies respond? They go on strike. Thus, depriving me of the chance to do any pub ticking.
I looked north, east, south and west, but not a sausage ..... well not strictly true, there was one sausage (in Gosforth near Newcastle), but traipsing up there for one cheeky chipolata seemed counter productive.
Only one thing for it ..... #WWWSI. And under the circumstances, there would be no half measures today (apart from maybe the Wotsits). This would be peak Lockdown #WWWSI, only better because I could get out of the house and visit a real life wine shop for the first time in my life. I feel like an adult!
I had to avoid the temptation to pop in for a pint of foaming ale at the boozers I passed ......
Luckily, none of them were open (the Brown Cow has been shut down for ages in one of those Sam Smith's 'what's going on?' type of moves, but it was dreadful anyway) so with temptation easily resisted, I approach the former Shell Garage which is giant Wine Warehouse Majestic, who I have ordered from online.
Also, counting it as a pub tick when it becomes Wayne's Wacky Wine n Ale Warehouse Micro Museum in the 2030 Good Beer Guide.
The Red Wine encyclopaedia was back by popular demand (well, Matthew Lawrenson briefly mentioned it in a comment) and with Majestic not stretching to Saperavi, we went for Syrah.
Syrah is the French word for Shiraz, an easy wine to get hold of which they love in Australia and the likes.
But I like a challenge so went in search of a French one, also partly because of this paragraph .....
.... now I'm sure those of you who have met me personally will agree 'elegance and restraint' matches my personality traits a lot more than 'jammy'. Just call me 'Old World'.
But how exactly DO you do wine shopping? Where to even start?
Having been temporarily distracted by a small section in the corner selling 'beer', and then remember some people drink 'white' and 'rose' wine (the MONSTERS!) , I located the 'Old World Red' section - it turns out France is Old World, Milton Keynes is New World.
It suddenly hit me that 'grape variety' is not an important factor in wine selection for most folk, as it was really hard to tell from the label exactly what grape they were made from! I wondered if one of the two nice men might come over and advise but no one cared. Thankfully, on the edge of one corner, in massive letters, one said SYRAH and a bit of French writing on the label, good enough for me!
At the checkout, a man asked if I wanted to be a member of their Wine Club. 'Get some Saperavi and Mission wines on and then we'll talk, buddy' was what I wanted to say, but I just squeaked 'no thank you' and scurried out like a pathetic red wine drinking mouse.
Back at home, fast forward a few hours, it was Week 2 of the Giant Prawn Cocktail Wotsits. I put some in a bowl (I didn't roll a dice cos I'm a cheat), also got some olives and two remaining stuffed feta peppers for starters, but then realised I didn't have a main course!
I was going on holiday to Cornwall in two days time and I'd eaten myself, quite deliberately, out of house and home. Just like a pathetic red wine mouse would.
Note the Andrews on stand by, I had work in the morning but fully intended to drink the whole bottle. And being 14%, it was my strongest wine since 2nd May 2021 when I watched The Ballad of Buster Scruggs with a Pinotage #WWWSISTATS
Only one thing for it, dial up Deliveroo and order a pizza from my favourite York place, Cresci. Their bases are thin and authentically Italian, the topping are as simple as you like, and they are friendly folk.
Glad I got in early, because the delivery just kept getting pushed back. And pushed back, and pushed back.
I eventually had to give them a 'not too happy' face on the 'tracking experience' and about 30 seconds later, I got a message to say the driver was on the way!
But by this time, I'd been dancing around my kitchen for about 40 mins, I'd heard 'Uncle Matt's Novelty Mix' almost the whole way through, and the olives, peppers and Wotsits had all gone. Not to mention half the wine.
How am I only the 186th person to Shazam this classic tune? That dreadful Journey song I heard in Alton's Talbot pub had about 300,000 Shazams. People have no taste!
Inevitably, Mr D.Roo didn't even try and gain access to my flat, simply ringing me and telling him to meet him in the car park. It all felt very mafia!
He smiled weakly , looked frazzled, puffed out his cheeks forlornly, and handed me my pizza with an apology. I felt sorry for him and even gave him a tip, but he's lucky you know, #CostofLivingCrisis and all that!
Little did I know, the time spent in my kitchen waiting for that pizza would be the highlight of the evening. Because .... well, I thought the film was quite bollocks.
At 31 on the list, and with the critics gushing over it, I was expecting big things. Having said that, the alarmingly low audience rating of 53% was perhaps an indication.
I charged up Amazon Video, and we were good to go .....
Now I like slow films, part of the reason I'm a Western fan, but this was slower than Hull City trying to mount an attack without George Honeyman or Keane Lewis-Potter.
(I'm not crying, honest, we're signing someone EVEN better tomorrow .... or the day after ... honest .... trust in the process).
Speaking of which, I was placating my mascot, Keane Lewis Otter (no room for him in my Cornwall holiday luggage) by including him tonight, I even bought him a San Pellegrino (which was DEFINITELY nothing to do with the fact it meant I didn't have to pay a delivery charge).
Meek's Cutoff started in the middle, and finished in the middle. There was no beginning or end. Why exactly was a lost bearded loser called Meek refusing to accept he was lost and walking these seven randomers around the desert in circles? I never found out!
The young kid was called Jimmy White. That was funny. It had Shirley Henderson in it. I like her. And Zoe Kazan. She last popped up in Buster Scruggs, meaning she only appears on WWWSI nights when the wine is 14%. Her real life hubbie Paul Dano is her hubbie in this too.
The women folk are expected just to be meek (excuse the pun) but they lose their patience, especially Michelle Williams who threatens Meek with a gun, wish she'd have pulled the trigger.
They find a 'native' and are like 'dude, we think you are scum but can you lead us to water?' and they kick his head in, so understandably he leads them a merry dance to nowhere. They are forced to let him go and he wanders off grinning like a proper lad.
They finally see a tree, and think that must mean water is near, but the film ends, so I've no idea whether they lived or died, and quite frankly, I'd lost the will to live by then. Two hours of my life I'll never get back, but the pizza and wine were yummy.
In pub terms, it was a bit like getting lost en route to the Bush Inn at Morwenstow, finding it closed and then the bus is cancelled so you can't get back. But there was no pub in this film. Or fun. Or laughter. Just a slog. Not since Di Caprio's The Revenant have I felt so cheated.
Well, I hope you enjoyed reading that. Not sure when the next review will be. Holidays, pubs, general elections, football, when will we have time?
Take care, Si