This interminable lockdown, my failing sanity and an inability to 'get to the pub' at present has led me down this unlikely dusty road, to get me through those dull Sunday evenings with a 'fresh quirky impetus', .... well that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Coming off the back of #SADCASE (Si's Ale and Dice Cleaning Adventure Social Exclusion) where I chose a different part of my flat to clean whilst drinking an ale, randomly selected by the roll of a dice, #WWWSI (Wine, Westerns, Wotsits, Staying In) is a more indulgent take on my lockdown life.
Westerns, as a film genre, has always appealed to me more than most. There's usually a good bar brawl, there's usually a stranger walking into town who everyone glances distrustfully at, and there's a distinct lack of good toilet facilities. Westerns speaks to me in that regard.
Wine, and it has to be red (never been a fan of white) is an alcoholic drink I find somehow more acceptable when I'm at home! Something about not being able to recapture a proper pint of ale in a proper pint glass that means however flavourful the bottles and cans of craft ale I sample are, they ultimately fall short into desultory disappointment territory! A full bottle of wine in one sitting though, before a working day, not the best idea?
Wotsits. Well, a tasty snack beginning with a W to compliment Westerns and Wine, cheap cheesy and easily available.
The dice roll(s), to add a sense of randomness to an already random evening. One 6-sided dice roll to determine the number of bags of wotists i'll consume during the sitting!
And another roll, this time on a 30-sided dice, to determine which film I'd be watching, for I've devised a list of 100 Westerns, most popular with critics and fans on websites like Rotten Tomatoes and IMDB.
We needed a starting point for our opener though, so luckily my sister's boyfriend Andy had recommended this 'Horror Western' crossover (he loves zombies and stuff), mainly because Kurt Russell has 'an awesome moustache' and it just so happened to be ranked #25 on my list, Bone Tomahawk.
I bought the wine and wotsits in from Sainsbo's, and was all pumped and raring to go on the evening of Sunday 31st May.
Hope you can stand this tension, I'll let you know how it went in part 2 tomorrow . It will get better, trust me!
Wonderful creative genius Matthew, am so looking forward to rolling for Liberty Valance.
Tom, glad you asked. Thought you might. So I actually roll a six sider to see if I go 'higher' or 'lower' than the number I'm currently on (1-3 lower i.e. 26 upwards) or 4-6 higher 24 downwards. So I can only watch a film as bad as the one ranked 55 next time. IF I roll a higher 30 say, it will be film #1 I watch (I don't drop through to 95). Think Brucie (Forsyth, not Steve).
I am going to guess you sang, but didn't bake, pre-lockdown. You have inspired me to try an apple crumble.
Martin - I have heard of Malbec, I…
The west is the stand opposite Kempton at Boothferry Park.
Wish I had Matthew's poetic genius.
Is Ozark a Western ? What is the West ?
I'll get you a bottle of Malbec when I see you next. Only 🍷 I drink. White wine is like tasters and scatter cushions in pubs.
That Matthew is very good. We could do with creative songwrites like you on the terraces to come up with taunts towards the likes of Walsall.
Si, may I ask how the roll of a 30 sided die determines which of the 100 films is viewed?
I also am going barmy. I have resorted to baking cakes, pies and standing and singing in my flat. One of those I did regularly before.
(To the tune of 'The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance' by Gene Pitney)
When Simon Everitt came to town, all the twilds would hide They'd hide When Simon Everitt walked around, the twogs would step aside 'Cause the door of a pub was the only thing that Everitt understood
When it came to shootin' dodgy pictures He was mighty good From out the East, a stranger came, a Beer Guide in his hand A man
The kind of man someone would need To drive them round the land 'Cause five pints of the ale was the only thing that Everitt understood When it came to shootin' awful selfies He was mighty good
Many a man would drive him round
And many a man would pall
But the man who drove…