Fear not dear followers, I'm not about to review a rather specialist Western called 'Beneath the Poncho' though I suspect such things exist. Instead, we are taking a week off to discuss the current struggles faced, and the #WWWSI 'Roadmap to Freedom'.
Kylie Minogue once sang that you can never have too much of a good thing (providing the good thing in question is 'her love') but when it comes to red wine, wotsits, continental evening cuisine and a Western movie, even I am forced to admit that there comes a time that you have to put your foot on the grape pedal, and slow it down to 30 revolutions per minute on the old Sony turntable.
But what if this #WWWSI challenge has simply run its natural course? Perhaps it is time to cancel the Amazon Video subscription, give the remaining Wotsits to the elderly bloke at number 26, donate my fancy suit jackets and strange headwear to charidee, and sit tight until the reopening of pubs (which I'm currently finding out is mid May, none of this pub garden mid April only nonsense, is my initial thought).
All good things do come to end, after all. I know that is true because Nelly Furtado said so, and I'd probably trust her over Kylie, Stock & Waterman (not too sure where Aitken went for this release).
Let us examine the five key factors of doom which are making me think thoughts.
1. I CANNOT 'BEAR' TO ADMIT IT
A bit like my 2018 public urination on Newark station, there are hard things to admit to in writing. But I have found myself enjoying Pom Bear crisps more than Wotsits! I feel dirty, but I cannot hide the truth. I could eat 12 bags of these in a night I'm sure! #WWPBSI suggested a work chum this week. Doesn't feel quite right!
Is the Wotsit Party finally over? Does that make you feel sad? Or do you prefer Pom Bears too? Please comment below.
2. FOLLOW ME UP TO ..... HARLOW?
Mid January was the 'golden age' of #WWWSI. Four new followers each week, everyone engaged in the #WWWSI Trophy, YouTube videos of much excitement, weird mascots, Covid swabs in the fridge sitting alongside cans of Boddingtons. And the nights themselves. Fresh vibrant morale boosting warming evenings of joy. What a time it was to be alive!
But it has all flatlined since the final week of Jan, no new followers, and this week, two people have left our merry little band. 3.2% of my following, that's bad isn't it? And you know what the world in 2021 is like. It is no longer enough to just 'enjoy' something for yourself in life. If you aren't all over social media like a pissing puppy, is it really even happening? Of course not.
So is this the sign that we are in a spiralling decline? Or is it just a little blip on the pot holed path to Tulsa?
3. WINE WHINE
The thought of drinking a bottle of red wine at present fills me with dread. It would be like that bloke who did those 12 labours of Heracles in old fashioned Greece. Was he called Jim?
I've hidden my Red Wine bible at the bottom of my book shelf for now. What happened to those heady days when it was to hand the whole time, and I'd constantly flick through it to learn some fascinating fact about the tannin levels in Pinot Noir or the foodstuffs that go with a Rioja, spending hours online trying to order a bottle of the obscure next grape variety from some cute elderly couple in Cowes?
Even more disturbing, for the first time since the very first lockdown last March, I'm finding myself fascinated by craft beers. I've even lined them all up on my spare room carpet to look at whilst I'm working.
Is beer actually more interesting than red wine? Please let me know.
4. SPREADSHEET SURRENDER
This next one is definitely a sign from the gods. My all encompassing #WWWSI spreadsheet which lists the top 110 Western, a back up list featuring 100 more, your squad numbers, a history of wines drunk and bags of wotsits eaten each week, plus the rules and regulations, not to mention #WWWSI Trophy Information, has gone BANG!
Or at least the laptop containing it has. I knew it was dodgy, and vowed to keep all my documents backed up on a memory stick. Sadly, I've not done this since November. Oops.
Do you believe in fate? Is this a sign that WWWSI has angered the gods? Or is it just symptomatic of the rough trot we're going through?
5. WHY DIDN'T SOMEBODY SAY JUST EAT?
I suspect I've overstretched myself, and ultimately applied too much pressure when it comes to the whole 'cuisine' aspect to WWWSI nights, taking the 'food pairings' in my Red Wine Bible a little too seriously for my own good.
Don't get me wrong, a delicious cheeseboard, Bruschetta or buffet with some nice cured meats can be well presented, tasty and not too much effort.
Bang a pizza in the oven cos your wine is Italian. Hey presto! The odd steak medium rare for a special treat. Delciousioioso. As we used to say in Europe.
But all this mushroom risotto, caponata, duck breast, truffle oil. I've been spending more time in the flippin' kitchen than I have watching the film! This is supposed to be my most relaxing, indulgent time of the week after all. Where have the Scotch Eggs and dairylea dunkers gone?
Time to rethink the meal choices? Get on the online apps? Keep it simple? Or will I miss the joys of my creation? That sounded religious. Or is it all just a sign that I have totally lost my 'appetite' for WWWSI?
So is this just a slight wobble, or have we really reached the end? Maybe I don't even believe we're at the end, but just wanted to write a dramatic blog.
At least the #WWWSI Trophy continues apace, here are the quarter finals, to be played this coming Sunday 3pm, live on YouTube.
Glasnevin Beers v Duncan Mackay
Si Everitt v John Watson
Dave Southworth v Scott Johnson
Citra Mick v Becca Robertshaw
Until next time (if there is one, possibly this Friday), good bye! Si