Wednesday 13th December 2023, 4:30pm
Two weeks ago today, I gave BRAPA Hull City mascot, and natural successor to Keane Lewis Otter and Oscar the Owl, Ozan Toucan, a good pep talk in the build up to this one.
Ever since he joined the mascot gang, his namesake Ozan Tufan (arguably our best player last season) has rarely featured in Hull City's team.
"You must do better, or no Christmas Guinness (his favourite tipple) for you, ya fat beaked wannabe Turk!" I warned him, trying not to sound bill-shaming or bird-racist but failing on both counts. #WokeSi2023 was furious.
With the dependable, unwavering, unswerving (thankfully) presence of Daddy BRAPA at the wheel, tonight saw an opportunity to build on my recent good work in County Durham and get two more awkward ticks done pre-match.
Up first is the village of Sadberge, slap bang between Darlington and Stockton, and yards from the A66, it seems astonishing to me just how inaccessible it is by public transport, unless I'm missing something.
Buck Inn, Sadberge (2566 / 4724)
The highlight was our arrival! From Dad expertly spotting a hidden pub carpark through a little archway, to the friendly blokes outside setting up some equipment who gave us a cheery 'hello'. But inside, it was dark, chilly and lacking in all manner of custom and atmosphere, despite the festive decor. The Samson Double Maxim did what it always does, and drinks like fabulous meaty paint stripper, and Dad manages to extract from the sullen barmaid that the activity outside relates to a brass band who will be here later, so maybe Sadberge's sad absentees are saving themselves for a late night roast parsnip and rousing rendition of Hark the Herald Angels Sing.
Sedgefield does have buses, and I've been there before to tick off a pub called the Dun Cow which I think I enjoyed, but if Dad was offering the opportunity to get this newbie in by car, well I wasn't looking a gift giving donkey in the mouth.
Pickled Parson, Sedgefield (2567 / 4725)
The bollocks sign on the outer wall got those BRAPA red flags flapping before we'd even got inside, and when a pristine white shirted receptionist tries to siphon us towards a dining room, I know we've really hit a rare 2024 GBG Christmas turkey of a pub experience. The house beer, by the always reliable Three Brothers, was tired dross, although getting my mouth around the words 'Tickle My Pickle' (that's the beer name) was mildly satisfying. Even in the so-called pubby side, this is a soulless exercise in fake poshness - a sliver of bench seating and a huge lumbering hound resembling Bungle from Rainbow had me clutching at straws of positivity, but this was a rare fail from the year's excellent suite of Good Beer Guide debutants. The story of why it is called the Pickled Parson is far more interesting than the reality of being here if you wish to look it up.
So that was a valuable but underwhelming two ticks. County Durham has done pretty well by me in recent months and years, so perhaps I'd been expecting too much.
But dry your eyes, because a pre-match pint in Middlesbrough awaits, and Middlesbrough falls under the jurisdiction of North Yorkshire (well, we have to get our crime figures up somehow ..... sorry, I'm such a York snob) so it was time to revisit a pub I can't remember going to but definitely have ......
Infant Hercules, Middlesbrough (revisit)
Surprises me that when Boro' had its micro revolution circa 2015, and let's face it, there were very limited real ale options in the town before that point, they didn't all just explode onto the pages of the GBG. Over two visits, I must've done about ten. A quality bunch too. And yet most (if still open) have never made the Guide. I just don't get it maaaaaan. Heaving tonight, packed in like sardines. Dad understandably thinks the bloke barging past him is pushing in at the bar, but he's just gone to collect drinks, and instead of accepting the misunderstanding with good grace, he has a right strop about it! Still, the Rudgate Elf themed beer is easily the best of the night, staff are great, and even though we are proper pinned to a side wall, we declare it much more comfortable and pleasant than Sedgefield & Sadberge.
Having said that, I'm not against the idea when Dad says let's get ourselves to the Riverside after only one pint. We pick up the most totally bodacious cheeseburger with onions en route, and the relative lack of beer (3 pints) helps me enjoy the match more, for toilet reasons as much as anything else!
Despite playing like a disjointed rabble for well over an hour, Boro' never really grab the tiger by the tail and we finally click into gear and win 2-1, a rare 'lucky-ish' win under Rosenior cos normally we have to dictate possession stats like 80% and have 18 attempts on goal at an XG of 2.71 just to eke out a 1-0 win, so a refreshing change, and a great end to a night where the new pubs hadn't been great.
Join me about 00:30 on NYD for the BRAPA YEAR END REVIEW 2023. You cannot afford to miss it!
We'll have drunken me, balloon animals, unwise furry craft cans or Belgian delights, Bucks Fizz, boring Jools Holland, and most importantly, a breakdown of the best (and worst) of GBG ticking over the last twelve months with a few photos, awards and punk tunes.
See you then, Si
