Good evening and welcome back to some more GBG pubs selling questionable, but not terrible beer on my recent debut in Dumfries & Galloway, plus bonus days around Keswick, Carlisle and Edinburgh.
Let's get to it!
22. Blue Bell Inn, Annan
I knew this pub was going to be a classic as soon as this bloke, just a bit too slow for my lens, performs the Lambada and welcomes me in on his way out. My first Dumfries tick would've been great, had the beer not been the temperature of a liquified human organ. Pumps seemed slightly hidden so a point off for that. On the plus side, the flavour was there. It had been a warm day and this motivated Saturday evening crowd might've been responsible for creating an electric atmosphere, but seemed more on the lager & Guinness side when it came to their favourite tipple. And as I pay by cash rather than card, and lug in a big bag of shopping from Aldi, I felt 'at one' with Annan nature. A few people get up to dance to ABBA, steady on, it is only 5pm! Great wood panelling, and not unlike the Wheatsheaf in Falkirk which is an all time Scottish fave of mine.
21. Masonic Arms, Gatehouse of Fleet
On my final day in D&G, I'd come up with a new beery tactic which I really should've employed sooner. "Which beer is newest on / selling best?" I'd ask like some kinda RetiredMartin sensible style character. It had worked well up to now, and I was already having some decent 'bantz' with the young bar chap over the crazy weather which kept alternating between heavy hailstones and strong gusts, and then bright sunshine and warmth. The door blew open as well sending a Seven Red Roses Lower Early (gotta get a mention in where possible) amount of crispy autumnal leaves blowing through the pub. "...Errrm, well this beer is certainly 'freshest'!" he replies totally unconvincingly re the Five Kingdoms. Well, it is cool crisp, but burns my chest to buggery like pouring acid down my gullet, so not too enjoyable. AND they are playing wall to (wonder)wall Oasis! AND the pub is empty apart from me! AND it is about 70/30 on the ratio of foodie/goodie. Not my favourite experience.
20. Selkirk Arms Hotel, Kirkcudbright
Never felt more like a square peg in a round hole all holiday than when I came into the Selkirk. A hotel which I was later told, is functioning less and less like a drinkers venue as the years go by. I arrive too early for beer, but have a lovely chat with Nina on reception, but spoilt it by revealing too much of my bladder and bowel habits when I was invited to stay for coffee. I then explore the interesting town of Kirkcudbright (Kir-Coo-Bree) and arrive back here about 11:50am, bar open for 20 mins but you wouldn't know it, near total darkness. Takes over five mins to get passing staff to notice me, and I'm surprised to see it is Nina herself leaving her reception desk to serve me. She asks if I can sit in the Burns Lounge with the Scottish Golden Girls, drinking coffee and debating Donald Trump and men's tennis. They want to leave the 'bar' for people having lunch. The beer is weird tasting. A really odd soapy aftertaste which persists for the whole pint, and I never got used to. Like the whole experience, just a bit 'off'.
19. Coledale Inn, Braithwaite
Just a wonder I got here considering the zero phone signal and the fact it was hidden up an unlikely hill away from the village! Probably a touch harsh to have this as low as #19, as for the first time in this countdown, it isn't so much the quality I have an issue with but the beer itself. So thin, so flavourless. I later found out it was a guest light mild by Theakstons, NOT that there was anything on the pump clip to suggest that. Ashamed of their own brew most probably. Way too expensive, over £5 and I think you must be paying for the Lakes scenery. Met my favourite random guest of the holiday here. He firstly asks me not to steal his complimentary chocolate while he goes to the loo, then assures me he's moving onto beer from coffee once his delayed walking friends (an reunion of friends who haven't seen each other for 20 yrs) arrive. "I'll have to invent some ailments as they all creak more than me" he says. He's from Leek, which rhymes with creak. He knows a lot about L**ds and once got very drunk at Ally Pally. We bond over our love of cats over dogs. Some folk you meet, just lovely souls, and that is definitely one of my favourite but rarely talked about aspects of this BRAPA nonsense. All enjoyed amongst really switched on staff in a top quality comfy hotel bar. Imagine if I'd enjoyed my pint!
18. Tam O' Shanter, Dumfries
Already in my bad books for being closed all day Sunday (who knew? Not Facebook, Google or WhatPub), at least this place gave me a handy toilet stop when I was busting after that ridiculous bus ride back from Newton Stewart. But such a silent sinister 'welcome'. Like zero words are exchanged as the barmaid pulls me a pint of Five Kingdoms which threatens to be good, and holds on for about three quarters, before turning crazy tired with a touch of tang in injury time. She goes back to chatting to her Dad / the only other bloke in the bar, though he is very Scottish and she is very southern English so I cannot be sure. She encourages him to take a break from social media in any case, hopefully not before he's updated their opening hours! Main sound is the tinkle of overhead glasses which jingle every time there's vibrations from the adjacent room, which might be the result of some pool/darts tournament from what I could gather. A decent pub for its failings on the night, my second fave of the Dumfries GBG entries, though as you know, that bar couldn't be much lower.
17. Embleton Spa, Embleton
Out in the sticks to the west of Keswick, I had to be careful not to photograph a bunch of elderly ladies having their morning swim in the first window I peered through at this spa complex. I locate the bar after wrestling with some French windows which surprised a po-faced coffeeing couple, and a perky bloke on a laptop springs up and says "I'll find someone to serve you!" A giant hairball of a bloke, must be like 9 ft tall, lumbers out like "you rang m'lord?" and serves me a beer which was only beaten by the Blue Bell Annan for warmest pint of the week. Decent flavour though, and a helluva a lot more geared up to accommodating the random drinker than the Selkirk Arms in Kirkcudbright, although there's that constant threat that an elderly person might wander through in their bathers, and whip me with a towel after showing me a scar on their inner thigh. But such a random entry, I couldn't help wonder if a local CAMRA man gets free Cumbrian massages for guaranteeing GBG inclusion.
16. Milbourne Arms, Carlisle
Wigtown. Not a brewery I'd seen or heard of before and one sup tells me why. The kinda homebrew kit you had under your Amiga 600 desk in 1996 as you battled your way through another season of Sensible World of Soccer when you are supposed to be revising for your A-levels. It was fresh, pretty well kept (though did it ever totally clear?), and for that I am fairly grateful. Problem is, only the second pub into the holiday, having not reached Dumfries yet, I was unaware of the horrors that lay ahead. The dreadful bland interior didn't match the promising exterior. Prime North London dining pub refurb, wooden floors, lots of grey magnolia and unfriendly furniture. Carlisle should be a better pub town than it is. It has the minerals, shows flashes, but never quite gets there. It had proper #Pubmen here, chatting shite, Lanzarote, immigration and gammy knees. And the guy who serves me is a gent. But overall, a fail.
15. Fox & Pheasant, Armathwaite
We've reached the halfway point in this sorry stale ale tale, but I hope you can recognise that the badly kept beer is a thing of the past and now we're into the 'ok kept beers I simply didn't much like' territory. This delicious location handily placed near a train line providing you're willing to walk n drink quickly was an early holiday highlight as I approach, skilfully avoiding a bunch of shrieking hens (the women type, not the birds, I feel I have to clarify that in such a location). Not unlike the Milbourne, the interior is an anti-climax following the approach, they'd probably tell you it was a sympathetic refurb but I'd beg to differ. Barmaid is clumsy and makes a meal of pulling my pint, not good when you are against the clock, and I'm finding this Robbo's raspberry pale rather insipid, though it tasted pretty clean, despite the greasy glass! With all other customer's outside, and a few midgey flies circling my table, it wasn't the happiest 25 minutes of my life.
But don't be sad. We are on the cusp of some drinkable, perhaps even pleasant beers in part 3.
See you in a day or three, Si
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