Beery success stories from Scotland? You'd better believe it baby. Here's my top seven experiences from my exciting recent holiday in the Dumfries area ......
Steam Packet Inn, Isle of Whithorn
The hardest tick I worked for all week was in this delicious coastal village, but good things come to those who wait. Insane bussing took me from Dumfries to Newton Stewart, where I then had to change onto another bus - a journey which took me three hours in total .... and when I got there, I RAN through the village to ensure I got my full 25 mins in. As so often happens when I'm against the clock, staff are AWOL from the bar. This is the home of Five Kingdoms brewery, so they had a good quota of their ales on but I was the only customer throughout. "Can ye hear that buzzing noise?" asks a worried barmaid pulling me pint of their delicious stout (could've been fresher considering we're in de-facto brewery tap but still good). I'm tempted to tell her it is all in her wee heid, but I'm not cruel so admit I can and she looks relieved. As I read the local CAMRA mag which hammers home how few pubs sell real ale around here, her and another woman dash around below stairs and finally the buzzing stops. She returns to the bar triumphantly, I have a pee, scare a third barmaid, then run back to the bus stop.
A 'Spoons that was in my bad books for being unexpectedly closed due to 'technical issues' on day one. I had a short 40 minute window of opportunity on my penultimate day to get it done, though it meant walking through a torrential hailstorm, downhill, very quickly! A watery sun appeared by the time I arrive drenched, and as I'm getting served, a woman complains because the pub has a lack of food menus available, then I hear someone grumbling about condiments, which all resonates because Pub Curmudgeon told me he had similar trials here. Didn't feel a professional organised kinda gaff at all, again rare for 'Spoons, so I was surprised my pint of Foggy Eden or whatever was a delicious pale in peak form. Boring carpet, and my phone screen temporarily got stuck (perhaps due to the hailstorm) which mildly panics me but I drink quicksticks, and made the train easy!
Edinburgh. Especially Edinburgh South. You gotta love it. What impresses me is how you walk a mile or two through all these leafy parks and you come out to the same looming fantastic old gothic buildings which you thought you'd left behind when you left the old town. Most UK cities peter out into nothing wasteland, car repair and vape shops, abandoned shopping trollies and boarded up pubs. But enough about Sheffield. Good old Eddo maintains the quality miles off centre. Perfectly formed square bar, luxurious bench seating, green and red. There's a sleepy after work crowd in and it is library-esque. Tricky acoustics due to ceiling height mean my Hula Hoops crunch far too loudly, ably assisted by a fine pint of Pilot - and I didn't even know Pilot did cask. Barmaid sneezes. I shout 'bless you!' Mainly cos I'm relieved she's temporarily distracted everyone from my crunching.
Cask 'n Barrel Southside, Edinburgh
Following hot on the heels of the Argyle, my holiday (and 2024 GBG ticking) ends here on a high, important after such a difficult beer holiday. I wonder if the same supplier fitted the leather green benches here too? But with the island bar, brewery mirrors and dark wood panelling, it is more pub than bar. A Scottish greatest hits. Roomy too. But the same soothing atmosphere. Great guv'nor sees me surveying the ales cautiously and recommends me one from Saltaire, leading me to adopt a Scottish accent and pretend I've never heard of these West Yorkshire starlets. Beer-know-it-all is never a good look. Just knew the quality would be spot on. And then to put the cherry atop the pubby cake, this cute elderly couple notice my tatty GBG and think it astounding that anyone from York would use it to tick off a pub in Edinburgh South. Yes, a fine ending to my 30 pub tickathon.
Masonic Arms, Kirkcudbright
With a bus to catch to Gatehouse of Fleet at 12:40pm over on the harbour, I really needed this pub to adhere to its noon opening time. It is now 12:04, I'm getting fidgetty. But a curtain moves, then I see a hand. C'mon pub, do it! When the latch is flipped a minute later, my lurking makes the landlady jump out of her skin! I apologise and explain my urgency. Soon we're best friends. LJ (or Laura Jane), from Edwinstowe in Notts. Along with Cask 'n Barrel, only other pub to recommend me the 'freshest' beer. Loch Lomond Pale superb. I stand at bar, let LJ do the highlighting, and conversation becomes quite deep. Tells me about her daughter off at Uni in Aberdeen. Wants her to travel before starting work, to understand that there is a world beyond Dumfries & Galloway. I tell the world's an increasingly scary place, and I could forgive anyone for hiding in Kirkcudbright for eternity. I'm so wise. Mummy and Daddy BRAPA came here just last week on my recommendation. Beer less fresh says Dad, served by daughter, lemonade good, says Mum, both enjoyed the basic homely pubbiness.
Glaramara Hotel, Seatoller
End of the line. Even by Lake District standards. Clouds circling, as I hop off one of final buses of the day bus with an assortment of wiry Ancients. Zero phone signal, no idea where the pub was, and with the last bus from Keswick to Penrith less than a couple of hours away, I did wonder if I'd bitten off more than I could chew. A reccy of the village (well, the one street I could see) didn't yield the Glaramara, and a craggy path looked unlikely too, but what is this I spy in the distance, a likely looking building back down the main road (see above photo). And hey presto, it is! It might be the unpubbiest surroundings I enjoy a pint in all week, half home office, half grannies lounge, but enjoy the Loweswater Gold I did. What a deferential smartly attired staffer, complete with Yorkshire accent and jaunty quiff. I'm in a sunny conservatory by now, but the next thing I know, the sun slips behind the mountain, suddenly the fire is a-bubblin' and when the bus fails to show (which I've convinced myself of), I'll return to demand a room for the night, have a shower, then settle in for a homemade scotch egg & chutney, bowl of chips, jam n cream scone, latte and a three more pints! Well, the bus spoils my fun by showing up, maybe for the best from a practical sense, but the daydream had been fun.
I'm delighted a Dumfries & Galloway pub has won, what a sensational pint of Jarl I had here. NBSS A*. I'd say 'always a great beer' but my last two examples at Perth's Ship Inn and Aberdour's Foresters had me wondering if it was losing its magic. But no. Young barman's a livewire with plenty to say for himself, especially his insistence that you pronounce the 'J' in 'Jarl', backed up by a loser doddery tourist who'd obviously never seen the beer before, which then led to barman throwing me a triumphant smirk across the room. Both incredibly annoying and disgustingly brilliant. Such a good pub. Bus timings meant I had to linger, like a over ripe cranberry, but with its lived-in tartan carpet, burly bar blockers, simpleton tourists and stone interior, this was a low key classic. When the most skinheadded workwear bar blocker's mobile phone goes off, the ringtone is Yoda ... "Mmm. Phone, answer it, you must!" Utter cringe. Studiously and politely ignored by all but me (stifling a laugh in the corner), the man looks at his device in accusatory fashion, flips it upside down, stretches out a long arm, and chucks it to the far side of the bar, where it remains for the next five minutes until he coyly retrieves it as part of a 'going to the toilet' manoeuvre. This is why I love pubs.
Also worth noting as he's in shot that new mascot Toady Dramah wasn't a hit. Not big enough to make an impact, couldn't sit up straight, mistaken for Nigel Farage, I don't think Colin has anything to worry about there.
So there we have it, countdown complete. I'll be back for the month ender on Monday night, then we'll get stuck into the pubs I did under embargo.
Have a great weekend, Si
I hate to say this, Si, but Toady Dramah was a real misstep for you and I was glad to see Colin back on form this week in Rotherham.