BRAPA ...GLAMOUR IN GLAMORGAN Part 5/5 -Promotion??

But just where does a 'promoted' Welsh pub get promoted to? Bristol? Hereford? Shrewsbury?

We'll say top 2 get promoted, 3-6 make the playoffs and 7 & 8 just miss out.

8. Bear Hotel, Cowbridge

'I beg your pardon, I never promised you anything other than a hotel bar' as local lad Wyn Anderson sang on his debut gig here. If you've been to Crickhowell's GBG offering of the same name, think similar with less excitement and depth, and more monochrome, but a pale green and grey monochrome. The Welsh Pale just about passes muster, and blousey ladies all around me use tongs to plop sugar cubes into their coffee with unerring accuracy. Atop my wobbly high table, at least the fire is bubbling away and I'm warm on this most freezingist of days. A bloke apologises to me - his phone is on loudspeaker and his out of breath daughter is asking him to buy pasta on his way home. No idea what she's up to! I actually want to thank him for giving me a talking point. The local art in the Gents (below) is the other highlight, and Cowbridge seems to have sorted out its dreadful phone signal issue from when I was last in town, when H from Steps was being commemorated in statue form and I nearly got vox-popped. True story. Decent effort to finish 8th, though no way this was playoff material.

7. Brunswick Arms, Swansea

Since the dawning of BRAPA in 2014, I've strongly suspected I'd been to the Brunny back in 2003, last day of the season, we lost 4-2 to the Swans to keep them in the football league thanks to two of the dodgiest penalty decisions I've witnessed. I bet some backhanders were exchanged that day. The Swans went on a meteoric rise through the leagues, followed by us a year or two later, and the rest is history. I'm still bitter, much like this pint of Butcombe, the only handpump on, but amongst the best quality Butcombe's I've ever had. And I've drank much shite Butcombe. A glorious pub, dark, long, soothing, smooth, boozy and very Welsh, Dylan Thomas in pub form? Was he smooth? Let's not go there. Benefitting from a late Sunday evening hum, it wasn't busy, pretty dead in fact, like Dylan, but the pub was NOISY in an 'if the walls could talk' kinda way'. Do you remember that programme where Derek Acorah spoke to haunted antiques? Gonna do that with pubs when I complete the GBG. And now I've been here, I'm convinced I DIDN'T come here in 2003. Sad it misses playoffs by one place, but in such a strong week, there were always going to be casualties.

6. Ancient Briton, Penycae

Had the Bass lantern acted in the same way as mistletoe, I'd have given this lovely lady a big sloppy kiss. That is how relieved I was to find the pub open. 12 noon on a Monday. Arse end of nowhere, bus route between Neath and Brecon. Mid Wales slippage hadn't been something I'd intended when this holiday began, but it would've been rude not to, being so close to Ystalyfera. Inside, I admire the beer range and tell the chirpy landlady from Guildford how I'm amazed it isn't just HPA, Butty Bach and Doom Bar, I'm such a beer snob. But did it taste any good? Sort of! The Tom Selleck one from Bridgend was a bit 'furry', then a half of some local slop due to badly timed buses went down well but even I could've brewed it with a one week training course. Slightly foodie and Anglicised(?) but at the heart of it all, a proper destination beer pub. Green benches to die for. Temperature was a bit skinny if I was to gripe. After a bit more gentle Guildford piss-taking, it was time to push off and what relief when that bus showed up I tell thee as it had fucked off on BusTimes.org south of Brecon. Back dooring the playoffs. Well done A.Briton.

5. Prince of Wales, Kenfig

'Just a ten minute stroll from Pye train station, no sweat!' indicated the GBG. Try about 30+ minute mostly along a pavementless rural lane of some traffic, ya lying baaastards! Oh well, they say good things come to those who wait, and you can't deny this was a worthy 5th place finish. Disturbingly rural Wales on this grey midweek lunchtime, the small band of locals huddled around the tiny bar - close knit! Even if you've never been a solo traveller to a Welsh village pub, your imagined stereotypes would be sated. Not unfriendly, inbred in the jolliest 'he's just my stepfather from the valleys' kinda way/ Even as I'm being served, one lady remarks "where IS everyone today?" and I'm thinking 'am I just a mirage to you? Is my presence not enough? Should I do THE BRAPA dance?' Asking them where the loo was later on felt more nerve-wracking then it should, yet everyone was lovely. But this overarching feeling I can't describe remained! Channelling my inner D.Acorah again? I retire to a side room which remains empty throughout, but stone the crows, I'd rate this the most gorgeous pub room of my entire week. I treat it like a museum, constantly exploring the walls. I even find a tatty piece of paper with a Wi Fi code that only bloody works! In all my bar area anxiety earlier, I'd missed the Bass on gravity. But no bother, this VPA was up there with the week's best kept pints. A truly impressive pub. Just talk to me, I won't bite. Though Colin might.

4. Winchester, Merythr Tydfil

'What's she gonna look like with a Rhymney on her?' Well very good based on this close to perfect pub. As mentioned previously, I've loved all their mini chain pubs so far, I wonder how many I'm missing? Probably more than I think if Bathams are anything to go by. It is late evening, the more discerning hi-vissers have swerved 'Spoons for this gem, and I'm now stood with them at bar. "Get yerself in there and look at the beers boyo!" squawks one lad when I apologise for bumping into his arm. The kinda bar blockers I can handle. Hobby Horse this time, more palatable than the Bitter. Winchester is one of the most under rated pub towns in the UK, so a good name too. Plus you can do Shaun of the Dead 'wait for it all to blow over' jokes. A bloke in full camouflage has followed me in from 'Spoons, his clothing ironically has all heads turning - quite a feat in a mad-hole like this. Tidy. Every bit as good as the fabulous Patriot in Pontyrpidd or the Andrew Buchan in the Cardiff 'burbs. A deserved play off spot.

3. Old Arcade, Cardiff

'A Cardiff institution!' 'A classic!' chirped the locals in my X / BlueSky comments section at the time. Even with the surprisingly undestroyed inner wood panelling and a magnificent pint of Brains Dark, I couldn't help but feel that such high praise was slightly over-egged. Having said that, an improvement of last year's late night clutch of six, with the exception of Queen's Vaults. Cardiff city centre pub scene is largely underwhelming in my opinion in 2025. A raucous group of Liverpool fans are hidden out of view in a back room, I'm sitting closer to the smaller band of Spursy types who have Spursy expressions and are looking a little bit Spursy sad, yet unsurprised that things aren't going their way. 4-0 by the time I leave, they stare into the middle distance with wan expressions. But I find such plastic passion for English PL teams grating in Glamorgan. Should be Cardiff, Swansea and nowt else. You wouldn't go to Newcastle or Sunderland and find Man Utd & Liverpool fans, so you certainly shouldn't in a foreign country. All in all, one of Cardiff's more pleasing GBG pubs in recent years. But third place? You're havin' a laaarf.

2. Blue Anchor, East Aberthaw

   
   

Promising, very promising! I love a thatch that comes down like a 2003 Emo haircut. But this wasn't the Fall Out Boy of pubs, something far grander. Worth paining your fingernails black and sobbing into your bleeding wrist for. An undulating carpetted floor sweeps throughout the pub, reminiscent of an indoor golf course. Room after room after room. All with character. When the 'great opening up' of pub interiors occurred 60's, 70's and 80's, this pub obviously didn't get the memo. There may have been food going on. There certainly was lairy Six Nations afoot, but it was incredibly easy to avoid. Place is huge. Anguished rugby cries die on the wind. Beers etched on a chalkboard. Two very distinct more famous pubs it reminds of. Firstly, the Prince Alfred in Maida Vale. But that's mainly because I had to duck to reach my snug through a low doorway, I wonder if this place had serving 'pot boyos' too? A young couple nearly join me, then decide against it, but we bond over how you could come here five times and have five totally different pub experiences, so that was nice. For you Yorkshire folk, it more reminds me of the gorgeous Lion Inn at Blakey Ridge. And to be drinking a perfect pint of Old Peculiar here only enhanced that feeling. A cracker, I'm glad it 'won promotion'!

1. Borough Arms, Neath

The most thrilling pub approach is the one nestled into a tight terraced backstreet. The oft trotted out phrase 'like walking into someone's front room' was never more fitting than here at the Borough. A Sunday lunchtime visit made sense, hours are limited, even on a Sunday it closes 5pm so you best not hang about. Especially if you want a grab at the complimentary snacks handily positioned en route to the bogs. Hope everyone washed their hands! Crisps galore, and a healthy smattering of dinky pepperoni slices. A dying breed of pub where it is done for the love and the community. Busy, incredibly local, but less insular than many this week. 76.7% of the clientele had moustaches and dress like it is 1974. The Stout is a 9/10 (I'm told Bass is normally on but I didn't see any). Carpet just as good. And your 80 likes on X suggest you approve. Championi, pepperoni, ole ole ole.

A hard jigsaw to complete for Colin

I guess we should choose a play off winner too. I'm going Winchester at Merthyr Tydfil. Though I'm equally happy with Prince of Wales at Kenfig. I felt the Old Arcade and Ancient Briton were just a few points behind.

Thanks for reading. Interesting little 'experiment' and I think you picked a worthy top two.

Join me Friday 9pm for month end frolics,

Si