Thursday 14th March 2024
Now I'm not saying that new BRAPA mascot Blackpool Soo is a big girl, because I wouldn't fat shame like that, but I DID need to pack the overnight rucksack normally reserved for a 9-nighter in Redruth to accommodate both the debut panda and Colin, that most perennial of cauliflowers.
You've heard of panda pops? Well this one might if she doesn't hit Weight Watchers soon. SORRY Soo, couldn't resist #BeKind ......
York to Blackpool is a fair old train ride, gives you time to think, or at least become obsessed with the idea of NEEDING to make the direct 19:33 train home from Kirkham & Wesham.
Yes, a tight agenda was on the cards, but with a prevailing wind, willing guest in Blackpool Jane, and bonus Uber, it was possible. 15 ticks left in Lancs, and four was the aim this evening.
Despite being a Blackpool veteran of EIGHTEEN punk festivals, I totally underestimate the distance from B.North station to my first pub, not far from Pleasure Beach. Taxi required, and he's a great guy, a former publican, distruster of real ale, but admits he's not had a pint in years. I doubt he's heard of Baron. I tell him to get on it
First up is JD 'Jimmy' Drinkwater's Ale House, Blackpool (2691 / 4852). It isn't quite the warm smiley Blackpool welcome I'd expected in my mind's eye, but an authentic type of boozer that smells of 1997. Late Britpop, TFI Friday, Loaded mag, Golden Graham's, fear and optimism of Robbie Williams and a new millennium. It has a backstreets seaside town atmosphere, horse racing, fruit machines, tramp stamps and 55 year old men in long shorts laughing loudly. The Hawkshead Windermere Pale is fabulous, crystallising in my mind that my recent pint of it in Radcliffe's New Inn wasn't quite right. A naughty dog barks the moment Blackpool Soo appears, but more importantly, we have the arrival of Blackpool Jane, who sent me said mascot. Only my third time meeting her, but already, it feels like meeting an old friend. Down to earth, minimal effort, just chill. She's finished work at 16:30 and said 'fuck it' to meet me here, which makes sense cos she explained 'fuck it' theory last time I saw her for Wrea Green's boring club, and this promising start bodes well for the 19:33 agenda ......
Janey, Janey give us a tick (hey Soo, no attacking Col please) Yes, a quick trot around the corner to the bus stop by the Farmers Arms, the bus arrives two minutes ahead of schedule (always pays to be early) and soon we are on our way to St Annes after the driver makes a joke about a ticking bomb!
Jane won't join me for pub two as she's had two bad experiences here, a litany of gripes which really paints the place as mean and miserly, so I'm interested to see what I make of it .......
But that's the great thing about pubs, two people can have completely different experiences and I ended up loving my brief 25 minute stop in Hop Shoppe, St Annes (2692 / 4853). Homely, low lit, a 9/10 rug, and ok so a moody Derek Acorah tries to block me from getting to the bar and scowls when I push past the ghostly scouse git, but it was full on cutesie Planet Cute otherwise The young barmaid makes it, talk about star quality, an engaging chatterbox full of friendly character. She should do courses for south eastern 18-30 year old pub staff. A couple are nervously eyeing up this 16.5% Gingerbread stout. £6.80 a third! She gives them a taster. Makes me chuckle as one of Jane's gripes was refusal to offer tasters based on cost/wastage. They encourage me to ask for a taster too, barmaid is more than happy to oblige. Beer of the year! Makes my 4.9% ESB taste watery! Later on, after a loo stop, I stop for a chat with the couple about the beer once again, proper reminiscing. It had only been 15 minutes since!! A lady from some charity comes in wanting a massive box of pub's empty gin bottles. She's going to put colourful fairy lights in them as a morale booster for sick needy orphans or some shit. I told you, Planet Cute! Won't be ready til September, she warns, disclaimerly. Finally, a bloke comes in. Flapping. Wants a hazy pale. But he's driving, so isn't sure which one is best. He gets tasters too. AND there's no longer a lock on the fridge. Maybe Jane's gripes have been the feedback which helped this pub grow? I liked it anyway.
I dash around the corner and find Jane in my other required St Annes tick .......
Peer in at the Pier Inn, St Annes (2693 / 4854), a micro of sorts, or is it a dental clinic fun pub hosting a Subway sandwich? A slow burner for me, but a grower, one of those you come to appreciate the more time you spend inside. Little bit Kobenhavn Halifax, accidental Scandi-mimimalist. Loving the ceiling, 8.5/10 in absence of carpet. I arrive at the wrong moment and have an excruciating wait for service. Hand-knitted beermats and the world's most complicated Wi-Fi password follow, and I really should've booked the Uber to Kirkham sooner cos I'm against the clock now, grrr. Never mind, we need a bonus half having quite enjoyed my 'It's Never One' (which ironically was 'One') I've spotted a hidden Plum Porter pump. Jane's eyes light up, she returns with two halves saying it is actually Grand Reserve, FTW. I think that's what you call beery teamwork! A bloke in a mad hat walks in for the giggles just in case I'd forgotten I was on the NW coast, and that's that.
Our taxi is here, and he has the look of a Bill Werbeniuk / Demmis Roussos hybrid. Despite my heavily barbed comments to Jane from the back about a need for urgency in our quest to get to Kirkham, he's a bit of a trundler. Foot to the floor would've been preferable.
And when we reach the pub, it is like it doesn't want to let us in, as we're forced to walk the plank ....
Kirkham Bierhaus, Kirkham (2694 / 4855) felt almost as temporary inside as it did out, didn't do a lot for me I'm afraid. Bit of a sullen place, bored lads pretending to watch West Ham, and benches that couldn't even accommodate my fairly skinny ass, Blackpool Soo had no chance (SORRY!) In happier news, Jane gets the best crisps so far this year, Jalapeno and Dill by Pipers. Tastes of both, unique, a crispy triumph. Someone on Twitter tried to claim it's all in the Lincs potatoes, which is a classic Lincs insecurity need to try and take credit for anything remotely positive Lincs. Beer is really well kept here too, ITI by Hawkshead. Glad it is Jane's round cos I never know how to pronounce this one without sounding racist (father). 19:20, I needed to skidaddle , 13 minute 'walk' to the train, Jane has a bus, so all good.
Which way to walk for the bus stop? I bust a gut to make the 19:33 but I did, and good exercise to burn off some of that ale anyway!
What I didn't expect what to spend the journey home considering Wagtails. Not just Pied, but Yellow, Grey, even Citrine, a sort of Citra hopped version of these flippy flappy birds, probably my favourite species. You can blame Laura Hadland and Mark Bravery for piquing my interest. Listening to punk rock and watching videos of Wagtails whilst gently drunk is quite a fun evening, I tell you.
And I was back in York before I knew it. Thanks Jane, see you 2025 for the new spate of NW coast micros with boring names. It had been a great evening. Down to 11 in Lancs, c'mon we can complete this bugger of a county!
Si
