BRAPA HAS ... A THORN(BRIDGE) ON MY SIDE : BURYING COLMORE DEMONS IN BAKEWELL
Thursday 19th December 2024
The final thirsty Thursday of the year (unless you count Boxing Day in Preston, which I'm not) took me to mid-Derbyshire for a comparatively gentle four tick day after recent craziness around Wrexham and Chester.
After an icy wait in Matlock's strange bus interchange which reminds me of a rubbish version of ancient Rome, I find myself in Bakewell. Perhaps the most famous Derbyshire town I've never ticked in, unless you count the much mentioned Swadlincote which never seems to have any GBG pubs.
Slightly out of town, I cross a bridge over a river by the biggest Aldi I've ever seen, and down into the 'Riverside Business Park' which gave Middlesbrough vibes like you wouldn't believe.
Around the corner and here we were ..... 'By gum they've spent a bit o' brass on t' this place' is EXACTLY the kind of thing Daddy BRAPA would've said if he was here, but he wasn't.
Ooh, lack of P.R.? Sounds about right. No really, Christmas is the time of forgiveness
Almost three years to the day since the 'Colmore Incident' which sounds like a UFO sighting when you phrase it like that, and I've decided that's a stupidly long time to harbour a grudge against an entire brewery for the actions of one pub manager, and unlike my favourite beer, I don't want to be bitter, so now was the time to put it to bed. They made it easy enough. Thornbridge Brewery Taproom, Bakewell (2876 / 5360) passes the first test, 8/10 on the BAT (Brewery Ambient Temperature) and considering the ceiling height, 'tis amazing to have such warm air blowing about. It also has an inflatable giant Santa and the largest Christmas tree I've seen this year, about five times the size of the one in Sutton town centre - shame on you Sutton, I don't frequent your Premier Inn to be perpetually disappointed! Guy behind the bar has a friendly open stance (despite the pumpclips in between us. "Freezing out there innit?" I shiver, removing my gloves. "It is sunny, it is dry, we can't complain!" he beams. "Of course, of course, you are SO right, you work for Thornbridge, of course you know best!" I (maybe) reply, determined to make the best impression possible. Please don't bar me, I'm just a poor innocent man. I ask for a pint of Cocoa Wonderland cos #Christmas, but probably should've looked at the percentage first, but hey, you gotta get into the seasonal spirit. I say that because the place is packed! Not uncomfortably so cos it is massive, but pizzas fly out from all angles, there's dog walkers, families, pissheads in Christmas jumpers surveying laminated craft menus on little clipboards. Table fussball is an option, with a large merch stand beyond it. Do they do discount Thornbridge logo arse tattoos? I need to show my commitment. (I never did find out). Genuinely though, a real good place to visit, much better than the crappy Colmore (ohhh damn, I was SO close!)
It is an easy trek back into the heart of Bakey (as I'm sure the locals call it), exchanging pleasantries with a walking group and a few more dog walkers, spirits were high as I approach my second tick ....
Oh look, a Robbie's pub - time for me to prove I've learned lessons after being told off for calling them Robbo's pubs a couple of months back. Manners Hotel, Bakewell (2877 / 5361) and the reassuring rattle of dominoes (the game, not a particularly crispy pizza) greets me from a side room. I peer in, two old boys with long hairy ears, you love to see it. Warm, cosy and homely - 9/10 heating. I go for Trooper, it has been a while, in fact I didn't have one during its time as my GBG cover last year. I always expect it to be a stout, porter or mild. It never is. Lady Guinness and her munching husband say 'ow do' as I ascend three steps to a raised area. A well-wrapped old lady in a wheelchair and huge Man City scarf nods knowingly as I search for the Gents. The contrast from the Thornbridge Tap was stark, but it is possible to enjoy both. Well done me. Thanks. You're too kind.
Back in the 'lock, as I'm sure the locals call it, I have a new tick to do. Surprising as I did three plus one in Matlock Bath last season, but Derbyshire folk love an ale so I guess it makes sense.
I'm sure the smoking lady above is going to prove to be the landlady, so when I'm stood at an empty bar five minutes later, I'm a bit miffed. She'd seen me, she'd even said 'aye duck', what's going on? Such was my tricky to start to life at the Red Lion, Matlock (2878 / 5362) Well, it turns out she's a mere mortal like myself. Finally a staffer appears, mumbles a half-baked apology, SIX minutes I've been stood here tsk. The reason for this pub's GBG inclusion is undoubtedly their own onsite beers from Moot brewery. And it is a moot point, because I find this Dark Lane Porter quite yuck. Kept well, fresh, but such a thin sharp vaguely chocolate effort. A guy I know who lives nearby describes it as a muddy puddle! My Cocoa Wonderland was but a distant dream. A shame, because I love the pub. A real care in the community effort. Top locals. Bench seating, carpet, pool table, all that good stuff. Four generations of the same family take turns to poke the fire, a new BRAPA record, and it is for the positive reasons which I'll choose to remember this pub.
Any chance of a direct train to Chesterfield from here? No! South to Derby, and change. Never mind, today's was still on course to be a far earlier finish than recent Thursdays.
Chesterfield looked different tonight in the dark at rush hour. First I get lost in a car park, then I get lost in a churchyard. You wouldn't think I'd been here a million times previously on this evidence. And this is all with Google Maps claims that it is helping me. I'd have been better off asking Colin the bluddy Cauliflower, who has been asleep in my bag all day and missed all three pubs, silly boy!
But I woke him up for this one, and I'm glad I did. Portland Hotel, Chesterfield (2879 / 5363) was a superb Wetherspoons and astonishing to learn that it hasn't been in a GBG since 2011 (thanks Jim!), three years before baby BRAPA took his first tentative steps to Ampthill. I spy something beginning with the letter 'J' - Jaipur! On a day I'd decided to cancel my Thornbridge grudge, I just had to order a pint. Now we all know it is a great beer, but I was not expecting off the charts beer quality of this magnitude. NBSS 6. Another late contender for BRAPA beer of the year. £2.57 with a voucher. The carpet is a tasteful 8.25/10, and I'm in heaven. Everyone else is here for a curry. A Spireite Rooney next to me overdoes the mango chutney. It envelopes his entire plate. I glance at him with a concerned expression. He returns it with a satisfied defiant glare. The kind that says so much about Chesterfield's inhabitants. Check mate. 'Spoons of the season.
Nothing else went wrong, and I return home at a sensible hour. Now why can't all #ThirstyThursdays be like this?
Join me at the same time tomorrow, where the BRAPA Christmas Special takes us to Uxbridge.
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