BRAPA in .... CHAPPEL GROAN (+ MORE POSITIVE TALES FROM MIDDLE ESSEX)

Saturday 15th February 2025

Stand-in mascot Pedro the Plum, replacing Colin the Cauliflower (suspended for a biting incident in Llanelli) knew the chances of his favourite Titanic Plum Porter were slim down in Essex / Herts, but he was the right mascot for the job.

Today's chauffeur was Simon D., one of my favourites. He picks me up from Bishop's Stortford station - we'd had to adapt due to a line closure up towards Colchester which played havoc with his electric car mileage charging. I didn't understand but frowned in sympathy.

My Bish. St. tick was an early opener too, so before we got out into the wild's of mid-Essex, we pop in. On the same industrial estate as those Gu puddings are made. Little fun fact there.

Tales from other tickers plus a couple of 'interesting' Google reviews meant I wasn't expecting ze Belgian Brewer, Bishop's Stortford (2972 / 5458) to pull up many trees but we spent a jolly 25 mins at the bar chatting with fair dinkum Belgian host Nik, who Simon knows in his capacity as a local beer aficionado. After a gentle reminder that they aren't in the Good Beer Guide for nothing, they've put a cask on, a 7.5% Dubbel. Glad it is only served in two thirds measures, hic! Slips down like a baby's bum. Nik not only does the GBG highlighting, but he offers to sign my book. So when he gets famous, my book will be worth something. Only the third staff signature in BRAPA history after Krista in Clapham and moustache dude in Gnosall's George & Dragon. Though the late Richard Coldwell did ask me to take all my GBGs to Sheffield in a wheelbarrow so Roger Protz could sign them. Think he was joking. Maybe. Never been to Belgium, but I have read ten Poirot's and as a twild, supported them in the 1990 World Cup (I went to bed in tears when Daddy B. celebrated that David Platt goal - serves me right!)

Simon D. immortalised in the artwork, bottom left

We'd book-end our day with a Bish Stortford pre-emptive late on, but for now it was time to strike a blow right in the heart of central Essex with five ticks, bosh!

Underrated pub county is Essex, having plenty of unspoilt gems, the locals are pissheads, they use pubs in the way nature intended, okay I admit there's some twee dining nonsense in the GBG. But along with Northamptonshire and Dorset, these are the southern counties that deserve more love. Sit down Norfolk, no one's interested!

After talking Essex up, let me present the rather drab fronted Chapel Inn, Coggeshall (2973 / 5459) but fear not, despite being overly foodified, the walls and beams heave under the weight of their centuries old age. It had an open hearth that would be the beating of most heritage pubs, and a guy with the SECOND BEST BRAPA BEER BELLY of the 2024/25 season after the 'Wolvercote Tum' at the White Hart in outer Oxford. And to see Gravity by Brakspear at 3.4% was a blessed relief after that 7.5% start as I told Simon I planned on bringing my average beer strength down towards 4% as the day progressed - but as we'll see, fate didn't make it easy. Not today's most striking pub, or pint, but it played its part.

From a pub called the Chapel to a place called Chappel, and if the pub had been called the Coggeshall Inn, I'd have been confused no matter how sober I might've been in these early stages.

The early irritating dining theme of the day was ramped up to 11 here at the Swan, Chappel (2974 / 5460) with an interior that looked like there'd been an explosion in a blancmange factory, or an elderly lady with a fondness for pot pourri who's never seen the inside of a British pub has been tasked with its design. Totally at odds with this, the intense smell of a greasy chip pan which would even have the folk of outer Rotherham calling in the health inspector. Slow service is good, it allows me to identify a 3.9% Colchester guest beer I'd never had before. Celebrating a unique beer check in on Untappd? The Simon D. influence had really got me in a chokehold! But it brings my avg percentage down further. Si also got a crisp round, Burt's - whoever he is. Mature Cheddar & Onion and Devon Roast Beef in the interests of BlackpoolJane style completeness. But when we are moved (table reserved, but didn't say, which is PROBABLY more annoying than actually having to witness reserved table signs), I leave my crisps and she has to bring them over! Knew that 7.5% had been bad news. Funny ole' place, but unintentionally so.

But dry those tears pub lovers, it was right about now that today started trending upwards.

And I wouldn't expect to feel nothing but sunny positive rays about a teeny tiny micropub bottle shop, but Courtyard Tap, Halstead (2975 / 5461) won my approval. It really is 'all about the people innit?' (best said in the voice of Daddy BRAPA and not Michael Barrymore). With us two arrivals, the place is packed with five inside. You had Drinker Dude, with his open tab , one pint after another, chug chug chug, a friendly Cornish pasty of a man. Secondly, our barmaid, such a delight that I let her highlight the GBG. From Dunmow like Simon D, so they could bond over Dunmow life. And our later arrival, the female business owner with possibly Ombre hair, an excellent host. A rare Coffee IPA made by themselves was the beer (Si had to create it on Untappd as I couldn't be arsed), 'marmite' they told us, not literally, they meant in a 'love or hate' way. I loved it once I got over the thin paleness, it got coffier as it went down and I love a good coff.

The day was really warming up now, not literally, but pub-wise with this next effort my pub of the day .....

Not that it looked much outside, but judging by Si's expression he must've suspected good stuff was afoot at the Bell, Castle Hedingham (2976 / 5461), which deserves to be world famous, but I'm kinda glad it remains our little secret. A multi roomer, creaky looking staircase, it gave 'haunted house' as we finally find the bar, beer straight from the barrel again, Oakham Green Devil .... oh please don't do this to me, I'm trying to bring my average percentage down! I just about resist, thankfully the Silver Adder is a top drop served by our dreadlocked head scarfed woollen landladerly host who does most of her talking with her eyes. The fire is in, the carpet is a solid 7.5, but I'm so glad we decide to explore cos the pinball, old skool shuffle board, toad in the hole, and other pub games Essex folk enjoy can keep you entertained for hours. Simon even took a video of me getting annoyed at the pinball ... which I might share in the 'year end outtakes / bonus features'. Even the drinks list is sort of unique. A MUST visit.

Our final tick of the day kept up the high standard .....

Looked like it might be on fire, which is normally reserved for my trips to Preston, but wasn't. And with the rain now spitting down, we found a rarity today ... a pub which actually does itself justice with its outer appearance. The George, Shalford (2977 / 5462) is my kinda gaff. Red walls, crooked beams which I'm choosing to believe are 15th century originals. There's a model of the pub - hours of fun peering into it hoping to see yourself if you're on pint six like I was. The ale trying to tempt me here is Ripper by Green Jack, an 8.5% knife through the prozzie abdomen which I once had in Lowestoft. 'STOPPIT pubs with this temptation, how crazy do you think I am?' (don't answer that!) Again, I resist temptation and go for a standard rugby guffer, but judging by the bloke gurgling in Essex at the bar, he's had a couple already. Strong finish to a day that wobbled early, but ultimately was pretty strong pub wise. Perhaps the best Essex day we've done together, or maybe second after Duton Hill / Finchingfield etc. Hard one to call.

On the drive back to Bishop's Stortford, Simon performs a sobriety risk assessment of me and reckons I'm good enough for a swift half in one of his favourites, the cask free Beer Shop.

It was decent for what it was, bit fleeting, some nice owner chatter, skinny on the number of toilets (Big John wouldn't have approved) but the way the GBG is going in recent years, I wouldn't be altogether shocked if it made the cut for '26, I mean it ain't like Belgian Brewer is the caskiest place on earth. The beer was insane, banana chocolate so thick, you literally need a spoon! Reckon I wasted about a £1 in not having one, despite my efforts to tongue the bottom of the glass. So my advice to you, bring your own.

And I still had time for Parcel Yard, King's Cross. Was it ever in doubt? Bit unhappy though as the ESB had gone and this time, there was no mad rush to get it back on just for me. DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?? I drank a decent pale from Keith Stroud but it just wasn't the same.

Brave faces everyone.

And then it was back to York for a bit of chicken, fried eggs, broccoli and bed! Top day. Thanks Simon.

Hopefully by Friday I'll have written up a very mixed sort of day in Tyne & Wear.

Thanks for reading, Si