BRAPA in .... EVERY PUB'S A WIN(NER) -MARLEIGH, THAT'S THE TRUTH : OUTER PRESTON FUN

Saturday 2nd March 2024, 11am

Penalty appeals are waved away as Ozan Toucan fails to stay on his feet in the M62 area.

Hull City were away to Preston and I'd mistakenly (as it turned out) deemed this a train strike day - there's so many of them these days, I've started inventing them!

Hence why Daddy BRAPA is at the wheel.

The original pre-match pub plan had been Leyland - Lostock Hall, or Chorley. But now, in the car, it seemed the perfect opportunity to tick that rural trio just off the A6 going up Lancaster way that aren't public transport friendly.

Starting at our furthest point and working our way back in, in true BRAPA tradition, that place was the cutely named Dolphinholme, on a day so wet, it could be home to a dolphin.

Fleece, Dolphinholme (2682 / 4843)

11:50am and already there's a group of what can only described as 'dining losers' huddled around the entrance door waiting for noon opening, puffing and blowing to give the illusion they've been walking the Forest of Bowland but their clean boots and lack of wild boar bitemarks tell the truth. Daddy BRAPA is a seasoned (impatient) pro and wasn't having such shenanigans, sneaking us around the back of the pub in an attempt to get to the bar first. An unlikely door clicks open. Daddy BRAPA in! And it would have been a brilliant manoeuvre had the pub not relented and opened the front door in the meantime. To their credit, the staff are excellent - they must live for moments like this, marshalled by a floppy Kloppy European, bolshy but brilliant, we are fast tracked. The house beer is from Avid, a stones throw away in Quernmore (pronounced Cornmore, thanks Matthew L), is so fresh like it's just floated down the stream with an otter. Not that one. The decor is wood panelled red leatherette, offering a cosiness rare for a building so grand and high ceilinged. Give it a go.

A better man than me (he's still called Jim Brunt) will tell you that's the 23rd GBG appearance for the Fleece, but only the first since 2014, the year BRAPA was birthed, so no wonder I hadn't heard of it.

Up next, and the remotest of the three was making its 8th GBG outing, a first since 2016, not that I'd heard of this one either.

Patten Arms, Winmarleigh (2683 / 4844)

Marginally my favourite of the day too, 'all life was here' despite the fact it is built in the middle of nowhere. Big gang of footie ladz watching L**ds v Huddz in the back, a classically annoying bunch of lycra clad Twyclists - all bulges, bald heads, failure to sit still and zero spatial awareness, the types who give Jeremy Vine tweets a thumbs up. Kids run around with glasses of lemonade. A few old ditherers look for a dining space. There's even the odd hairy haggard Hagrid type, all pints of bitter and "I remember when all this were fields". Newsflash mate - it still is. Dad's wait at the bar is flippin' painful. ONE barmaid, and she didn't stop, an absolute trooper. I'm glad I've commandeered a nice circular table next to a roaring fire. Thirty seconds later, I'd have missed out. It felt like a proper pub despite trying to be everything to everyone. It even has an on-site brewery, currently mothballed and unlike some famous tickers, moth isn't my favourite beer flavour, so a choice of Bank Top or 3 Marston's was it. The Bank Top Flat Cap drank very nicely - one of those beers I appreciate more as I get older! Impressive place.

Next up on the agenda Brenda, our final tick of the day takes us closer to Preston for a GBG debutant. Actually on a bus route this one, but just off the A6 so it makes sense to get it done.

Now I think it was the name and the address 'Unit 6' which had me expecting a microbrewery tap. But I was wrong and so are you.

Before we get to that though, as we park in Beacon Retail Park, Daddy B spies an antiques bloke he's heard of, Adam Partridge, AHA! The Lovejoy of Lancs.

Daddy's dash is in vain, Partridge is shut. "He's probably in the pub!" says Dad.

Clockwork, Claughton-on-Brock (2684 / 4845)

'Why?' was the overriding question in my head for the majority of this one. A modern day coffee place and bar rolled into one with real warmth, some curious characters and a couple of handpulled Thwaitesies just for the laugh. On further reading, it seems Claughton lost a lot of old pubs of late, then a load of new housing sprouted up. Clockwork makes more sense when you look at it in that context. After being served, Dad whispers 'bespectacled triplets!' and I'm peering out of the window looking for a rare species of bear or tit, but he's referring to the three smiling gents sat at the bar. He even claims test tube babies are rife in these parts, and it is only back in York when he admits to me he didn't ACTUALLY believe they were triplets. He even gets a photo on way to loo, in hope they'd turn around! Never happened. As I sup my Thwaites, which would be lovely if it wasn't the temperature of human blood, I'm conscious of a distant rattling. Dad has been gone a while. It intensifies. Now the whole pub is looking loo wards. Barman goes to set him free. Sliding door, he hadn't realised! The pub cheers when he reappears! Nice of DB to add a bit of colour to an okay, but slightly less convincing tick.

Pre-lock in bespectacled triplets attempt

We'd ticked like 'clockwork' but no time to linger, Deepdale time. We drive down the old Fulwood Road, waving at Matthew 'SeeTheLizards' Lawrenson, nod at Crafty Beggars Alehouse, parking on the edge of Moor Park, then watch one of those exhausting 0-0's high on energy, short on quality.

Highlight probably this crazy lady with a balloon who reckons I look 33 and Dad looks 66 and is obviously only here for the Instagram crowd shots and piss-up in Liverpool afterwards than watching boring Tigers!

Three pints pre-match is my new favourite measure, only needed loo once instead of 10 times! And I've decided I like sitting low down instead of fighting my way to the back row. Getting old aren't I?

Back in York area in good time, time to visit a pub I'd not been to for ages. Marcia Bishopthorpe. Piquant White Rat, and great staff clear dining table for us to allow us to drink. Carpet an 8. Dad is considering bringing friends / Mummy BRAPA here for a meal.

A gentle but nicely done day, I felt so sober when I got home, I did loads of my 'Sunday tasks' before midnight!

Join me on Friday, where we'll take a rare trip to Derbyshire with new fwends.

Si