BRAPA in .... LLANHENNOCK KNOCK, WHO'S THERE? PUB OF THE WEEK, THAT'S WHO! (Gwent 13/14)

Pressing the bell to get off the number 60 bus, which was careering along the main road back to Newport like some maniacal demon bus from hell, was scary enough. But not knowing whether or not the pub would actually be open as I trudged 15 minutes uphill towards the hamlet of Llanhennock was scarier still.

Some pubs have close to zero social media presence. Funny how often they turn out to be the gems.

2pm I'd heard, last updated on Whatpub in 1764, 2:04pm it was now, so cross your fingers and hope.

Ignore the Bass lamp, it means nothing

And then the gate, despite being closed, offered even more hope. I'd had a closed gate / open pub situation in Upper Llanover yesterday, and I'd opened about 5 million gates on Offa's Dyke path on my way to Llangattock Lingoed so I was getting good at this. Gwent loves a gate. Keeps the English scum like me out.

I was in! Next issue, find a staff member to pull me a pint, or do I have to do a Duncan Mackay? I was inside anyway so the tick counts, probably, if I can secrete myself in a nook or cranny for 27.5 mins. Welcome to the Wheatsheaf, Llangattock (2449 / 4013). My pub of the week. Sometimes the stars just align. This right hand room was cosy, carpetted, full of bench seating and very old chairs. A fire bubbled away in the centre. Ancient shiny objects hung from the walls. Finally, a lady who looks like she's been here a few decades rattles into the bar area. Friendly and a lovely character. She pulls an immaculate pint of Glamorgan Welsh Pale - she can't attach the pump clip since it fell off in the 70's. Anything that isn't HPA or Butty Bach was a welcome sight by now. A wind is whipping up quite the storm outside now, howling around the building. It couldn't have felt more atmospheric. My heart did a little leap of joy. I have to stay for a second drink, due to bus timings obviously. She has been busy pulling this particular beer through. "Favourite with the locals", "from over the border", "famous old bitter from a well known brewery". She's gonna say Bass, she's gonna say Bass ..... "London Pride!" Oh, well it drank very well. Two drenched locals have entered by now. A man and woman. They are villagers, know each other well, but aren't in love. They may actually hate each other. In the most loving way possible. "I drive here up the hill on my golf cart .... you can't get done for drink driving on those things!" the bloke wheezes. The lady gives him a slap then moans about her knees. I sympathise. I hate knees too. The way they talk about death, how fleeting life is, and how they treat every day like it could be there last is both terrifying and admirable. I leave, having achieved full pub satisfaction. And yes, it is still in the 2023 GBG.

Such relief back at the bus stop to see someone else waiting, he looks like an old hand when it comes to hailing the number 60 from Pont Sor, so I leave the 'hand sticking out duties' to him, and soon I'm sat side by side with an old lady with a very yellow coat who is telling me it is important that I continue making an effort with the Welsh language, especially when I make it to North West Wales.

Taking this valuable information on board, it is time for my final Newport tick. And if you wondered why I'd left it so long, well it doesn't open til Thursday mid afternoon. If it does hours like a micro and has a name like a micro, then it is probably a micro.

Having the unenviable task of following the Wheatsheaf, I thought Cellar Door, Newport (2450 / 4014) did an admirable job of being 'good enough', thanks mainly to a jovial guv'nor who asks what I'm into. 'Hull City, Aussie Soaps and Fried Eggs, Avocado and Bacon". Ohhh, beer? Sorry! I say I'm in the mood for something dark after an amazing experience up at Llanhennock, but he doesn't want my life story, so pulls me a Twist n Stout, which is fabulous. The craft beers are all stuck to a giant old fridge. I can't help wondering if Bobby's ghost off Home & Away in going to appear in it. A niche reference for you all. Alf Stewart was her uncle. That is a niece reference. Thanks. I'm an under appreciated blogger, and I'm padding this out, cos micros are hard to write about. Eventually, we both catch each other singing along to Scooby Snacks by Fun Lovin' Criminals. 'Great tune eh?' he calls over. 'Yeah', I lie, preferring Fine Young Cannibals. We soon get chatting BRAPA, and he thinks I'd be mad to head back in a Chepstow at this time of day if I'm staying in Abergavenny, so he recommends me something he reckons could make a future GBG. Someone on Twitter has recommended the same place, they can't both be wrong, surely? But the plot twist I wasn't expecting, Cellar Door is binned from GBG '23!

It was a slightly tricky walk, over bridges, through subways, along horrible main roads, into what felt like a pretty divey part of Newport (and I'm not claiming the town centre is Saffron Walden or owt). Still, I found it. Let's give it a burl .....

Weird Dad Brewery Tap Room, Newport (Pre-emptive) certainly sounded the craftiest Newport offering since Tiny Rebel, and it offers little in the way of comfort but on the plus side, a warm, welcoming, quirky, and slightly intimidating belts n braces atmosphere. NOT that a seasoned pro like me gets intimidated, not outside Portland anyway. I wasn't sure if Weird Dad did cask, but the first thing I see, Yorkshire Heart, a beer I can get by walking five minutes from my front door to Golden Ball, Ackhorne or the like. LocAle it wasn't, and JRT wasn't the nicest YH beer ever (that'd be Ghost!) The loo is the second smallest of the year, after Shickers in Blackpool. It even has a sink on top of the cistern! Amazed I've not seen this design feature before. Washing your hands mid-piss is kinda fun. This incredible lady walks in about half way through (to the pub, not the tiny loo). Actress? Schoolteacher? She makes a point of introducing herself to every customer and learning their names. Weird Dad might even pay her to 'bring the party'. Wish I could remember more. And I'm delighted to report that Weird Dad has made the 2023 GBG, possibly at the expense of Cellar Door, without which, I'd never have come here! Ticking, it's a funny ole' game.

And with that, it was off back to Abergavenny ready for my final day tomorrow.

Take care, I'm off to watch The Traitors penultimate episode. Most amazing thing on TV all year!

Si