BRAPA in .... MICKLEOVER, LITTLEOVER, GAME OVER (Hazy Fun in Derby)
How it started ....
Saturday 2nd December 9:33am
Greetings from an arctic Derby on the first Saturday in December. Leicestershire had been the plan, but an East Midlands train strike put paid to that. Derby was at least somewhere I could get home from.
Problem was, I was in ridiculously early. But on the good news front, one of the seven Derby ticks I require (most out in the suburbs and villages) was a 10am opener. Rejoice!
I soon found myself in a soulless shopping centre called Derbion warming up and having a toilet break.
Now if I could have my time again, I'd have gone for a coffee at this point, which I'd have proceeded to nurse for an hour, just to save myself for drinking too much too soon. I might've also missed the minor snow blizzard which gently cascaded down onto me shortly after.
The locals were in no mood for friendly chatter .....
At 10:15am, pub #1 comes into view, the Woodlark, Derby (2552 / 4710) ......
A first GBG appearance since Whigfield (not Alan) hit number one in the charts, this unassuming sidestreet boozer is symptomatic of the kind of stuff making the 2024 edition. And I approve. In some respects, it is exactly the sort of pub you want to camp out in for a couple of hours with its distinct areas, choice of ales, quirky local old man buzz and decent carpet. But it wasn't the most giving of pubs. Heating was minimal, I was forever chilly. Saturday morn and the air ain't getting hot (like you baby). Locals aren't exactly welcoming this stranger with open arms either. And it is only when I go up for pint two that the landlady becomes at all chatty. Not convinced by my Bass either, almost zero head on it, and I know you shouldn't drink with your eyes but it isn't always that easy! By contrast, my unwise time-killing second pint, Exmoor Gold (or was it Pale?) was excellent. And when John the Womaniser is instructed to put some love songs on, but chooses Penny Arcade by Roy Orbison amongst other anomolies, I'm starting to feel a bit more settled, but it'd taken far too long.
Pub two was only a 10-15 minute walk from here so even having two pints, I'd nursed my Woodlark sesh. Nice to finally be on the move again, the snow has stopped, and pub #2 soon appears.
Creaky Floorboard, Derby (2553 / 4711)
What impresses me most about this so-called micropub is just how much like an old Victorian terraced house it feels, and with two rooms, surprisingly spacious. Turns out it used to be a doctor's surgery, which sort of makes sense as it had put me mind of vets is both Fulford and Saffron Walden where we used to take random poorly Everitt cats when I was growing up. But no sick moggies here, or blokes called Mick who are Smoggies. More slightly dettached staff considering I'm the only customer and Derby is normally a very friendly town (sorry, city), but the Ruby Porter is a strong spiky winter backrub of a drink. Rewarding. I'd thought there were some blokes drinking in a back room, but they all appear to be staff in a private area behind the bar. Even more mysteriously, a ghostly character in a tracksuit shuffles in, appears to go to the side room, never comes to the bar, never leaves, but when I go to explore, there is no one there! Love a good Derby ghost story, one for Richard Felix perhaps?
That's a Cauli, not a ghost
The room where the ghost went
Time for a taxi cheat to speed me up, not that I really needed speeding up after this scintallating start! An Uber from here to Etwall, as I hadn't fancied walking back into the centre just to pick up a probably delayed bus.
He's a good guy is Ezat, and has to break off my BRAPA chat when his kids come through on loudspeaker, asking Daddy when he's coming home to decorate the tree with them. Awwwww. The intracacies of Derbyshire pub ticking are more interesting, but awwwwww anyway.
Spread Eagle, Etwall (2554 / 4712)
Talking of good guys, I'd been messaging with Andy the London Ram from X/Twitter, and he'd said he'd be able to come and drive me around some of these outer Derbys pubs. Absolute godsend on a day where, although buses do exist, in these arctic conditions it isn't too pleasant waiting for the damn things. Before he arrives, I'm having to duck, even at my short arse 5 foot 7 inch height, these are the lowest BRAPA ceilings since that funny Kentish duo, Little Gem in Aylesford and the Man of Kent in Little Mill. I want to stay in the buzzing front bar where all the people action is, but there is simply no space so I retreat but the pub layout means I'm properly cut off from Etwall civilisation. I'd be feeling lonely and isolated (no offence Colin) with my excellent Blue Monkey Infinity IPA if Andy hadn't swooped in to join me and get his debut Stabiloing done.
First stop in the Andy mobile is pub #4, but more notably, pint #5. At only 13:40 I felt already that I was in danger of waking up on the beaches of Brora, Wick or Skye.
Hole in the Wall, Mickleover, Derby (2555 / 4713)
Had I stuck to more sessionable ales it might've helped, not that the 4.3% Blood Moon I had in here was particularly strong, but I generally hadn't been making wise beer choices which, combined with the extra pint earlier, total lack of food, and now efficient taxi/car jaunts meaning I wasn't getting any 'down time' between pubs, it was a recipe for future drunkenness. Has a barmaid's expression ever matched a beer name so perfectly? (see below). Would you call this a micro? This former Natwest bank (boo rival banks, boo!) is fairly lengthy, a touch spartan, but it has warmth and the Mickleover massive bring some jollity and atmosphere with them from their local wattle and daub huts bless their hearts.
I couldn't see a bus route serving both Mickleover and Littleover so Andy's car certainly was a huge help for pub #5, and I'm looking a bit mummified by now .......
White Swan, Littleover, Derby (2556 / 4714)
From what I can remember, I enjoyed this one, feeling very much a good locals gaff, a few blockers, a bit of footie, a carpet might've pushed it into top tier status, but the quality on the Proper Job was excellent. Problem was, I was proper struggling to drink it. Castle Rock Harvest Pale would've been a much wiser choice at this point, but like I say, I kept choosing badly. Andy had told me he was fine to stay out driving me about until his daugther woke up from her nap, at which point he'd have to scramble, so I vowed to try and not linger but it was blatently obvious I was! When it really is time to leave, he tells me he'll drop me at my Allestree tick, which really was above and beyond.
As I say thanks and farewell and Andy drives off home, I actually find myself standing in the freezing street for five minutes trying to find the entrance! I never did get a photo either.
No. 189, Allestree, Derby (Tick Abandoned, A-A)
I'm not sure if it was my current state of intoxication, but the only discernible entrance I could find is through one of those long indoor gazebo conservatory affairs leading to quite a white, long and bare pub with limited soft furnishings, maybe I'd died and this was god's waiting room? A friendly barmaid (angel?) serves me what is almost certainly a very delicious Stab in the Dark by Black Iris. Again, I'd gone 5% when there was gentle and probably very yummy 3.7% Marble Pale Ales available. Well, I soon realise I've drunk about a thimble of beer in about 20 mins, room spins when I close my eyes and a trip to the loo and face splash of water doesn't help, so I'm going to abandon this. I boo myself off the pitch and chant 'I'm not fit to wear the shirt' , refusing to count the tick, but I don't want to make myself sick. Third time in BRAPA history I've done this. First was Devonshire Arms in Burton which I've since rectified, the other time was the Red Lion in Kennington London which I still need to go back to. Allestree, I will be back. I need the Hoptimist at Spondon too so it isn't like I won't be back in Derby.
Looks like Colin has made the beer disappear, top lad
The benefits of the icy air and a long winding bus ride back into Derby centre are life giving, and by the time I've walked in a stationwards direction, next train to York 40 mins off, I decide I'm sober enough to pop into that ole' classic and current BRAPA Derby fave, the Brunswick Inn, as long as I can avoid that giant hole outside the pub .....
Again, I choose a strong dark beer (why? must be the weather!) but have the commonsense to just order a half to be on the safe side. As I settle down in one of the delicious closed off side rooms, I'm feeling a lot better, although the photographic evidence might not reflect that .....
....how it's going
On a train home before 5pm, wow, that must be some kind of record! Catfight between two Geordie lasses as I get off the train in York causes much consternation, I buy a KFC Mighty Bucket, and I'm in bed by 8:30pm.
11 hours sleep (if you don't count the times I woke up for FOUR glasses of water!), up nice and early, and manage to do NINE hoursehold chores including prezzie wrapping before Eastleigh v poor old Reading, the best hangover viewing since I watched Harry Potter and the Pub Ticker's Scone after nine pints in Liverpool, 2014.
BRAPA. Don't do it kids.
But what I will say is that after 5 years away, I'm getting the Derbyshire completion buzz again. Another nice chap has offered me a lift to two outliers, Andy mentioned a return for Spondon's Hoptimist, and the others all look fairly do-able.
Could it become my new Lincolnshire as 2024 progresses? Problem is, I keep dodging awkward Leicstershire and I really should get on that before Derbs. Plenty to consider.
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