BRAPA in .... ONE MOMENT IN VINE : FROM BEARWOOD TO BRIERLEY HILL

Saturday 17th August 2024, 11:20am

If you head west from Birmingham in a Stourbridge / Wolverhampton / West Bromwich direction, the pubs are all 10/10's, right?

Or so I thought as I sat above the wheel arch of a sturdy no. 12 bus with Daddy BRAPA on a grey Saturday morning, the fixture list cruelly decreeing Hull City begin the season at 'Wayne Rooney's Plymouth Argyle' - where we'd ended the last one in May. Any time after October and I'd have gone. And got more Devon ticks in. Shame!

I chose to kick off in Bearwood instead, because of the generous pub opening times.

But this wasn't ya common or garden Holden's / Batham / Black Country Ales pub which has been thrilling me in these parts recently, the Bear Tavern, Bearwood (2952 / 5112) was a big blocky grey Greene King house, full of wobble board sized food & cocktail menus, plasma screens, and bobbly nosed lads asking each other if Aldershot are on their accas. The kinda place so uncompromising you feel pretentious for even trying to analyse it. The kinda place which a town like St Helens or Warrington puts in the GBG once every 20 years for shits n giggles. I wasn't surprised my Belhaven Citra tasted like a pint of bitter with Jif Lemon squirted in the top. Don't forget the pancake. It is a popular venue. Well, it is busy, is that the same? One side is showing Premier League, one is showing the Championship. We sit in the former #Elitist. We didn't dislike the pub, as the below photos 'bear' witness to our 'genuine' smiles, but for a GBG entry in the black country (presuming we were far enough west to be BC?), seemed an anomaly to kick us off.

A couple o' doors down, a more traditional GBG entry for these parts .....

Midland. Bearwood (2953 / 5113) is a Black Country Ales classic, if I'm allowed to still enjoy them after cat-gate, best check with the pub police! Situated in a former HSBC (Midland is the former name of HSBC, this is the high level banking knowledge only a banker like me can offer). It is a typical delight of #PubMen swigging back ale by the gallon, cellophaned cobs on the bar a bit too early to catch my eye, a condiments table, high ceiling, 8/10 carpet, benches, floral wallpaper and warming friezes. The morning newspapers are draped over the seating, a few more broadsheets would be preferable if I'm being picky, but I jest, if you're tired of BCA pubs you're tired of life! Barman is a functional grump and two funny West Brom fans recommend the Mallinsons and they ain't wrong. Starts with a weird sweetness then becomes dry as it hits back of yer throat. If you've ever been dunked in a lake on the outskirts of Huddersfield to see if you float, you'll understand the water having this effect. My third favourite pub today.

Easy part of the day done, I didn't know EXACTLY which pubs would follow. I had plenty of either / or locations, just depends where the bus takes us really, and Blackheath was the answer. I'd done a 'Spoons here a few years back. But the march of 'progress' led us in a Micropubby direction .....

After awarding Mr Coffee Tray with the 'BRAPA Cameo of the Day' trophy, we step inside Cyder & Cobb, Blackheath (2954 / 5114) and I'm wondering whether it should actually be called the 'Partially Hidden Ales, Retro Chocolate, Pies and Sausage Rolls Tavern' but that isn't quite as catchy. Amusing colourful little place, everyone is twitchy, nervy and I'm convinced if I'd walked in alone, I'd have ended up chatting to someone. The Angelic Upstarts punk bloke and his mates have such rich accents, I can tell we are getting closer to the heart of the black country. And the barmaid with her super eyebrows and competent scrunchie game is soon on a stool under the TV twirling around like something significant is about to happen. The beer falls short for a so-called 'chocolate sweet hopped porter' , the seating requires a skinnier arse than mine and while I'm griping, a point off for fake bookcase wallpaper, although we play 'spot the Hull City player references' on the wall opposite which perks us up a bit. Six plus a reference to a pub near Boothferry Park in total.

Hull City refs are Craig Dudley, Jamie Wood, Henrik Pedersen, Sam Collins, Danny Graham(e) and Marlon King, in case you wondered

As luck would have it, the pub listed under Rowley Regis is closer to Blackheath than Rowley Regis proper, or Rowley Regis station, which is also closer to Blackheath. WHY SO CONFUSING WEST MIDS?

Such a nice pub is the 'Britt', or Brittania Pub & Brewery, Rowley Regis (2955 / 5115) but it didn't take me long to get into trouble as the nice landlady asks me to clarify whether I want pint or half. I reply "pint of course, only losers drink halves!" to which a man behind me chortles and points to an elderly lady obscured by Daddy B. nursing a half at the bar! Dad turns to her and says theatrically "I can only apologise, I can't take him anywhere!" and I decide in the circs it is more in the spirit to double down on my statement and as we leave for a side room, I say "I'll leave you with your loserish half!" which was not is harsh as it sounded in the moment. I did smile and wink. We smuggle snacks in this great cavernous back room, but it is a bit too airy and free of customers to be amazing (though snack smuggling wouldn't have been easy with folk present). Biggest bugbear though is their homebrew. Crystal clear, mint condition, I just didn't think it was a top brew! See also that amazing pub in Stourbridge that suffered from that Craddocks. We leave an inch and dash for the bus.

On the map, 'Old Hill' looked the next likely candidate, but there were more buses going in a Brierley Hill direction, where I supposedly had THREE ticks although looking at a map, none of them are near each other which begs the question 'how effin' big is Brierley Hill?

I also didn't realise that 'Merry Hill' where the bus terminated wasn't quite slap bang central Brierley Hill, so we had a trek to pub five but Dad wisely comments it is the right time of day to stretch the legs and blow away those beery cobwebs, via a toilet stop in a 'Spoons with a wonderful carpet where I really should've stopped for a pre-emptive half (hang on, I thought only losers drank halves?) for its inevitable GBG inclusion.

25ish mins, mainly uphill, but worth it!

The day had been drifting a bit pub/beer wise for the last hour or so, but the Rose & Crown, Brierley Hill (2956 / 5116) was a stark reminder of all that's bostin' yammy babbage about the Black Country. Holden's gaff this time, and don't think Daddy B's appetite has been sated by my scotch eggs as he spies cobs on the bar once more and this time he SWOOPS. Legend. Has a beautiful burnt crusty top (the cob, not Daddy BRAPA) , a generous thick wedge of cheddar and thickly chopped onion, but not ridiculous 'detach own jaw like snake' Rock Coalville levels, nicely manageable but by 'eck, you knew you'd been in a battle. Black Country Special (always expect it to be a black beer, never is) is a perfect accompaniment. With all this sensory preoccupation (plus my usual pub five syndrome), I find it hard to remember the pub so glad I took some photos. What've we got? Interesting tiled floor, not a carpet but I still approve hugely. Dartboard, looks like it could in use. Tick. Small trad. layout. I like that. Oh, and I can't forget the mainly Doors and Nirvana soundtrack which was a bit trippy, but even this suicide squad couldn't bring my mood down!

Back down t'hill to our sixth and final pub, a 20 min walk in a similar but not quite the same direction! Not a good time for my phone to die on me, because one of the things I most hate about the change from Apple to Android is how long this blimmin' Google Pixel takes to come back up if it runs out of juice.

iPhone took a couple of mins max, sometimes instantaneous, but this phone tries three times, says "no, I'm not ready yet luv" and rolls back over for 10 more mins more kip, before finally deciding 3% is enough to wake up as long as I don't push it too hard.

But enough of modern technology scum, says Daddy B. who has noticed an exciting canal he's seen on TV with lock action going on so we stop to watch for 10 mins and oooh, what drama as someone is going through right at this moment!

My phone still isn't back up by the time we reach our last pub .... and of ALL the pubs in the WORLD not to photograph, this would've been amongst the awfullest of misses, so Daddy BRAPA's heroic elderly Samsung does the honours and he sends me them later .....

And it seems Vine, Brierley Hill (2957 / 5117) is the Margot Robbie / David Attenborough of pubs based on the pure amount of views, likes and comments my (eventually) Twxtter got .... a BRAPA record! And you can see why. I've been in three Bathams pubs before, two I thought "yeah, that's pretty nice" and one I thought "oooh yeah, now ya talkin' babby" (in Wollaston, cruelly dropped from the current GBG) but the Vine was extra special. Okay, so it took until a late toilet trip for me to realise its full potential - down the long thin mosaic corridor with rooms dotted off in each direction each with its own gang of local lads. We took an immediate right where the main bar is, I've decided to alternate between the mild and bitter, this time it was the turn of the mild, lovely drop, someone criticised it for being 'too light' but it was no Taylor's Golden Best! Anyway, my phone comes back to life and Hull City have equalised at Wayne Rooney's Plymouth Argyle so our jubilation is complete. One of the crazy locals has escaped his room and joined us, and he's got lots to say for himself. Knew we weren't locals because (a) we've sat in the main bar and (b) we ordered mild, not bitter and (c) we have strange accents. He likes Holden's pubs but not BCA ones, and he lists loads of Batham's I've never even heard of, which bodes well for BRAPA future. He's heard us discussing buses, but isn't an expert. My plan was to get us back to Cradley Heath and then train to Brum - time has seriously got away from us! But I notice all trains are currently cancelled going that way, NOOOOO! Classic BRAPA, just when pub life is perfect, it deals you a blow. Uber it is.

One plus side of taxis is how quick they are, and we suddenly have time for an amazing pint of Damson Porter in my favourite central Brum pub, the Craven Arms.

I hope West Midlands folk realise how lucky they are for pubs and beer - truly magnificent. Though really it had been Brierley Hill which had elevated the day from 'slightly above average' to 'fantastic'.

I hope to be back on Friday to give you the lowdown on West Norfolk, but failing that, I'll see you Sunday for the month end review as the new GBG looms large!

Si