BRAPA in ..... THE KILNSEA KIND : WON'T BE SPURNED AT THIS POINT
Wednesday 23rd October 2024
Those pesky East Yorkshire CAMRA folk could not have chosen a more isolated pub for inclusion in the 2025 Good Beer Guide if they'd tried!
'Calling Daddy BRAPA .... are you there Daddy BRAPA? I have a pub related problem in your home county'.
Of course, I knew the great man wouldn't let me down. A Wednesday night home game verses Burnley provided the opportunity. I start work at 7:30am, take a short lunch and eke out the last hour of my remaining flexi-time to finish at 2pm. Off we set direct from BRAPA towers in York.
Some people say Hull is 'end of the line'. They are wrong. The road DOES continue. Hedon, Thorgumbald then Patrington which feels the last bastion of civilisation. Vague wave at Great Newsome brewery. The Queen of Holderness is all you can see on this flat landscape - she's a church if you were wondering.
The roads become increasingly bumpy and gritty. Welwick next, where Guy Fawkes fellow conspirators John & Christopher Wright hail from. There's a rusty sculpture, but don't stop. A werewolf might bite you.
We're still seeing school buses incredibly as we reach Easington, drive straight ahead for north sea drowning, or turn a sharp right for Spurn Point AKA the end of the earth, Kilnsea is down here.
We swerve to avoid a tractor. SatNav lady claims "you have arrived at your destination". We haven't. "Keep going Dad, we've definitely not passed it!" I encourage, the smell of a tricky tick in my nostrils now.
And finally, about the only building it could possibly be proves to be it (cue much relief) ......
The locals outside & in the windows appear to enjoy the theatre of the 'outdoor BRAPA photoshoot', plus our gawping hyperbole at the stunning scenery. One bloke has a pair of binoculars around his neck. A twitcher - but not a very effective one as he has his eyes closed as he takes a long sup of his Tetley's. The rare Ruffled Greenshank flies off. Welcome to the Crown & Anchor, Kilnsea (2776 / 5261). The Ghost of Random East Yorkshire Pub Inclusion Past warns me not to expect too much, but it exceeds expectations - balancing the tightrope of smart and tidy whilst retaining the sense of 'proper' pub, whatever one of them is! I can tell the barmaid thinks I'm a bit of a fruitcake when I start cooing over both the Hallowe'en Zombiefied Tim Taylor Boltmaker handpump, and the toy seagull with chip in mouth - you can give it a name, donate money, and cancer will be ended. My own mascot Oscar the Owl is jealous of the attention. Wait til he learns he won't feature for the next six months because the Hull City player of the same name, Oscar Zambrano, has been done on doping charges! A surprisingly large pub. People keep coming out of what I thought was a broom cupboard just behind Dad, one by one, must be about 20 of them. I'm half expecting Andy Crane and Ed the Duck to appear, or Philippa Forrester with a bit more luck. The Boltmaker drinks superbly, I wonder if this pub has always been so good, just very well hidden.
"You're getting banned in the morning"
And then it was off to Hull for a typically great but VERY CHILLY pre-match sesh in the Ship Inn:
Short sleeves cos 'Ull people are 'ard
Then a decent 1-1 draw, though a shame we don't play for a full 90 minutes or who knows what we might achieve?
Thursday 24th October 2024
Dentist the following morning , x-rays show I need a filling replaced in late November so that is annoying, so to rinse & floss away my gloom, I book myself on a lunchtime train to bawdy bootiful Barnsley, via Wakefield Kirkgate which is up there with Seamer for one the most depressing stations.
One central tick required, and one on a bus route out, so I tackle the more difficult one first.
Not many buses stop at Worsbrough Dale, so I take a more frequent one to Worsbrough Bridge - an easily manageable but needlessly hilly 15-20 minute walk to the pub.
Echoes of Kilnsea as the Boatman's Rest, Worsbrough Dale (2777 / 5262) surpasses expectations, and then some. The GBG claims it serves Greene King IPA and nowt else, colour me intrigued! Almost sad to see a range of two - Summit by Theakston's and TT Landlord, the former was weirdly superb. The tiled entrance corridor had included a grabber machine, just like at the Homestead Sizzler near Rotherham. Is that how South Yorks selects its entries these days? When I visit Sheffield in Jan, I'm fully expecting potential mascots to be sat there, waiting to be grabbed! Anyway, such an entrance couldn't have prepared me for the beautiful sight that greets me in the main bar - 9/10 fireplace bubbling away, coal mining knick-knacks hanging from the ceiling and walls, a treasure trove! Kilnsea suddenly looked pedestrian, and I'm wondering how this pub is so unfamous. We'll keep it our little secret. It's got the clientele to match. A competitive highly charged pool tournament going on behind me. Loud lass in Nirvana t-shirt is beating "Motherrrr" (with 4 r's). Motherrrr's excuse for her poor display? She has no power in her arms. A one-eyed old bloke waddles past me next humming along to the jukebox (probably Eurythmics). "I like all styles of music me - pop, rock n roll, northern soul, reggae" he tells me (I hadn't asked). "How about punk?" I ask, hoping to stymie him. "Aye, aye, ayeeee, I can handle a bit of that stuff!" he replies, not too convincingly. I'm about to ask him his view on Charli XCX's Brat Summer when a distant shrill wife calls him from the car park. Cracking place this.
Back at top of 'thill, I thank the bus driver profusely for stopping cos I'd got distracted by a video of kittens on YouTube and wasn't concentrating.
Not far from Barnsley station, in one of those cobbled sides alleys that the town seems to love so much in the 21st century, we come to our third and final midweek tick ......
I took me a while to warm up to Spiral City, Barnsley (2778 / 5263). As your more modern micro's go (could you even call this a micro, it is deceptively multi-faceted), I'd file under 'above average' due to the care and attention that is gone into creating a drinking space which is more than just functional. Bedecked, maybe even bewitched in Hallowe'en garb, which suits the place as there's a definite alternative/metal/goth/emo/punk undercurrent. Our pumpkin-hatted host pulls me a Barnsley Bitter, THE best bitter out there. If I had one criticism of Spiral City, it felt cliquey. Young person cliquey. Like they'd formed strong alliances with neighbouring businesses, tattoo parlours and what-not, and as a result, not much effort goes into random strangers. Noteworthy for Barnsley, which I'd rate one of the friendliest & inclusive towns out there (even if slightly barking). I lived here as a twoddler, my Grandad was from Elsecar, my Great Uncle (not Bulgaria) captained the football team in the 1920s. And he took penalties for a bit! So yeah, I feel an affinity. I stay for a second pint due to the timing of trains, pluck up courage to walk past the 'spooky' ghost on the stairs, where I discover a warren of tiny rooms-cum-booths. It really is a superbly done out place. And I feel a lot warmer up here too! Respect.
So there we have it. Early signs are suggesting that the new pubs included in the 2025 GBG are an upturn from what we saw in '24. But I've not told you about Oxfordshire yet so we'll reserve judgement for the time being.
Join me tomorrow, where Derbyshire tries not to mess up my above theory.
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