BRAPA in .... THE NORFOLK COUNTDOWN (PART 1 of 6 - the relegation dogfight)

34 Norfolk pubs were ticked during my first BRAPA holiday of 2023, rounding things up to a nice total of 50 so far.

I'd decided to stay in Norwich. Not only is it beautiful and Tudory historical, but it has a whopping (perhaps too whopping) 31 GBG entries. I'm no stranger to the city, in fact all of my 16 previous Norfolk ticks had all come here between 2005-2018. Oh, and my football team Hull City were away to Norwich on the Tuesday night (not at all) coincidentally.

But now for something completely different. Instead of the usual chronological ramblings, I'm counting down from 34-1, having ranked the pubs roughly based on my experience 'on the day'.

In general, if we are ranking Norfolk against other counties I've visited to date, I'd rate it as follows:

Pubs - Above average. Some real beauties across the county, the modern stuff was good too.

Pints - Average. Some really good quality beer, a couple of horror stories, plenty of choice if that's your bag, it kind of evens itself out as average overall though.

People - Below average. Some exceptions obviously, but on the whole a bit closed off, yokel, nervous of strangers in their midst, even before Colin was out of my bag! I encountered this both in the city and out in the sticks. It made SE London feel like NW Wales, let's put it like that.

Anyway, let us kick off this first blog with the pubs I least enjoyed.

34. Lollards Pit, Norwich

I'm scratching my head, I really am. Why was this pub SO bad? Daddy BRAPA was with me, as this was a pre-match venue on the Tuesday night. Close to Tombland and the Cathedral on the river, so in a fabulous location and with a historic attractive 17th century frontage, hopes were high. Warped beams within, a friendly young bar chap, a hungry Dad spying a pork pie in a cabinet on the bar, bit of mustard, not Coleman's weirdly, some interesting ales, we all seemed set. Well, the house beer was sub-par. Dad's craft J20 looked a lot juicier. The atmosphere was somehow non existent, I suspect a commercial radio station blaring out the likes of Steps did nothing to help. Dad's pork pie the driest, greyest I'd ever seen. I felt sad, I wanted to leave. "We're not staying 'ere til kick off!" says Dad, like he's read my mind. Maybe the ghosts of executed heretics were overwhelming us, like what used to happen to Yvette Fielding on Most Haunted. Only explanation. We make a swift beeline for the excellently chaotic but previously visited Coach & Horses on Thorpe Road.

33. Walnut Tree Shades, Norwich

'Publican wanted' says the sign on the wall, something we'd been told about at our previous pub which had turned its nose up when we'd mentioned this one was next on our list. Turns out the landlady who has run it for years is giving it up. Subconsciously stopped trying perhaps? It was the pub that immediately preceded Lollard's Pit, which gives Daddy BRAPA the 'honour' of joining me in both of my worst pubs all week despite having only been with me for one day! It is quite a nice looking interior, a typical city centre boozer acting as a creche for scroaty locals with no control over their kids and dogs. The beer was even worse than the Lollard's Pit pint, chilled to within an inch of its life, and very hard to drink, Dad didn't even make a pretence to finish his. A stunning jukebox and some heroically well drawn pub characters were another consolation, but it wasn't enough.

32. Jolly Sailors, Brancaster Staithe

The final day of my holiday brought me to this creaky, multi roomed tourist trap in coastal Nelson north Norfolk. Visit on a quiet November stormy night with not a visitor in sight, you may well get an experience to rival the Blue Anchor at Helston, but I might be reaching there. Point is, it isn't a poor pub per se, it was the half term Saturday afternoon circumstances contributing to its downfall. My problems began before I even arrived. One of the two gobshite dog families in front of me on the bus said they were getting off here. Yet even they weren't fans of the place, having been the previous day. The welcome was decent, the Oystercatcher beer bang average but drinkable, and only a half covered 'outdoors' area offered a seat. A different dog family couldn't control their huge hound, which kept almost sitting on me, the other customers were aloof and stary, and all I could do was read my 'Norfolk Nip' CAMRA magazine I'd picked up elsewhere and pray time sped up for the next bus! A highlight should have been the delightful old fashioned outside gents, but even this was ruined for me when three hooray Henry's joined me and started saying how 'weird' it was to see an outdoor toilet like the pub needed to get with the times! Oh, and Hull City had just disappointingly drawn 0-0 with Preston.

31. Red Lion, Norwich

I wanted to love this Eaton out of towner, I really did. It looked the part. Dimly lit, gables, panels, ancient fireplaces, a suit of armour which looked like it could come to life, all very Scooby Doo. The lads in charge were friendly and professional. Blind Sooty on the bar. Like an outdoor loo, usually the mark of a great pub. Retired Martin taught me that. Wisest thing he's ever said. Adnams Southwold drinking very very well considering it isn't a beer I always get along with. A carpet that Wetherspoons would be proud of. Oh yes, this 'pub' could be in my top ten. Except. IT WASN'T A PUB. "All the tables are reserved from 6pm, so we'll need it back by then" I'm told. ALL the tables? In a massive long place? It isn't even Christmas. I can sense the staff gearing up for the mad rush. It was just gone 5:10pm when I'd arrived. But this isn't acceptable of a GBG entry surely? I know times are tough, and 'pubs' need to make money where they can, but surely to goodness you need somewhere set aside for the walk-in visitor or humble drinker? By 5:50pm, the diners are starting to stream in. That was my cue to leave.

.... and that was the last time we saw Colin

30. King's Arms, Great Yarmouth

I like an underdog, I've always seen myself and my football team and the music I like as underdoggy, I LOVED it when Leicester City won the Premier League against the odds that time, so I like those pubs you fancy are a bit unfashionable and fly under the radar. At the time, I convinced myself this one was decent. But looking back now honestly, it was a lame duck going through the motions. Moody staff, local crowd, not particularly happy or smiley, I guess what pushes it below average is my pint of 'Kiss Me Hardy' by Woodforde's was the poorest I had outside of Norwich this week. Too much high seating too, I'm not a fan of the posing table, seating options seemed limited for a decent sized pub, I thought the use of space and overall layout was a bit of a mess. Shame, because my initial thought had been 'classic street corner boozer'.

29. White Horse, Cromer

Following on from the wonderful Red Lion Hotel in the same town is always going to be a tough ask, but the White Horse was a little bit of a GBG oddity in my eyes - although, if I'm being strictly truthful here, the Adnams Ghost Ship was excellent, AND cheap - so it deserves its Guide place for sure! But jeez, the barmaid was so brisk, I was served in seconds, speaking to locals whilst she did so, it was like I was invisible. To try and get a 'flavour' of the place, I joined the locals in the pool room. Oh yes, loads of banter between the blokes and the barmaid, but heaven forbid a stranger tries to get in the spirit! Even laughing along from a distance here, you get ignored. In most UK places, laughing in background at locals humour is normally a GREAT way to ingratiate yourself. I also had to stay here for too long due to badly timed trains. Why didn't I spend that extra time in the Red Lion? When I left via the loo, suddenly barmaid was full of 'goodbyes'! Ever get the feeling a place wants to get rid of you?

There we have it, your relegation candidates. Let me know if you've had a good experience in any of them. I'd not be too surprised of Red Lion or Brancaster Staithe especially. Like I say, circumstances.

See you tomorrow for your lower mid table pubs 28-23.

Si