BRAPA in .... THE NORFOLK COUNTDOWN (PART 2/6 : LOWER MID TABLE)

Let me present the 'too good to go down, not good enough to have a sniff at the playoffs' brigade. Fans of English Championship football will know the types - because it has been like this for years. Gimme Birmingham, Bristol City, QPR, Reading, Cardiff, a certain team from East Yorkshire whose name currently escapes me. Depressing innit?

Ever wondered what the Norfolk pub equivalents are? Of course you haven't. But I'm going to tell you anyway.

28. Golden Star, Norwich

It felt as much a sunny breakfast cafe as it did pub. On the upside Daddy BRAPA had arrived in Norwich an hour earlier than planned and leapt up to order me an Oakham JHB, the perfect low strength ale on a day when I was worried about 'overdoing it' due to the football in the evening. On the downside, I didn't think it tasted like JHB should. And the table was sticky. Like really sticky. Like 'peel your GBG off the table and hope the back cover is still intact' sticky. The only other customer was a dishevelled old chap mumbling to himself. Daddy B beamed radiantly throughout, as he does, but perhaps this was more a case of him being delighted to have made the journey from York so smoothly and now be sitting in the sun, pint in hand. Following on directly from the Fat Cat probably didn't help this pub's cause either!

Look how close to the front of the book Norfolk is? All sorts of wrong! #BringBackTheAlphabeticalCounties

27. Bell Hotel, Norwich

"You arite mate?" said the two bouncers in unison at this palatial 'Spoons, late on Thursday night. A bit like Wembley Stadium and La Sagrada Familia, you see this place long before you reach the entrance. I'm shocked how little space there is inside. A couple of people replied on Twitter to tell me it had actually had a massive interior. Well, I walked around and saw none of it. But then again, it was late and it was pub seven! And Nog by Woodforde's is a challenging beer in those circumstances. Better quality than many Norwich beers this week though. "You arite mate?" said the barman. I said I couldn't complain, then realised he meant 'what do you want to drink?'. I sit in a tight space beside young Mum's with a double buggy, having an old college reunion with some hippie lads they'd not seen for years. 'Am I okay to sit in here?' I ask. 'You arite mate!' they reply. They reminisce on getting high in the 90's, then leave the baby with the dog and go outside to smoke. There is a weird smell of fragrant Bisto gravy. I'm not changing any nappies.

Another one about to get a good Stabilo'ing

26. Troll Cart, Great Yarmouth

Staying on the Wetherspoons theme, this being the polar opposite in so much as the entrance looked tiny but it opened up into a more traditionally large sweeping place than the Bell Hotel. Bright too, I normally prefer the dark and dingy boozers, but in 'Spoons weirdly, the brighter they are, the more reassuring I find them! Less chance of having my shoes nicked? Oh, and that man above isn't a bouncer. Can he make the short distance to the taxi? Doubtful. And that cone isn't a sign that someone has urinated in the entrance. Not yet anyway. A pre-emptive urination cone, we'll say. Everyone is on the coffee refills, the place smells like Douwe Egberts armpit, but at least my Woodforde's Wherry is in fine form. A man in an M&S jumper hugs a chair, or is he hanging on for life? A loud lady resembling a a pumpkin seems to have forgotten it is not Hallowe'en. Doing 'Spoons last pub is perhaps something I should do more often. They are always chaos at breakfast time in a worse way than this.

25. Buck, Honingham

I don't think I'll ever get over the terrified reaction of the barmaid to my "hiiii, how are you?" greeting as I arrive at this low slung, attractive but slightly soulless village boozer, revamped by Lacons, whose ales I always order and think 'hmmm, not bad'. "Maybe you are more intimidating than you realise?" said a cheeky American on Twitter. Nonsense, and I'll flatten anyone who says I am! I hope that has cleared up my true gentle nature. Norfolk folk just cannot cope with strangers being friendly. Theme of the week. Never have I had so FEW conversations with pubbers and staff during a BRAPA holiday week. Later in the week, one guy replied to say of Norwich, but you could apply it to Norfolk "you'll never get your head kicked in around here, but you'll have to be a regular in the pub for ten years plus before they ask you to join the pool/darts league". That comment really resonated with me. The only other customers were the man outside who never looked up, and a snooty couple about to check in for the night. When the barmaid took them through to their room, I necked my excellent quality Lacons, took a Norfolk Nip CAMRA magazine off the bar for future reading, returned my glass and silently scarpered to avoid scaring her any more!

24. Reindeer, Norwich

Late on my first day in Norwich, a little bit wobbly by now (that can of Wilde Child Brownie Hunter on the train had not been wise), but knowing this pub wouldn't open Tue or Wed, now seemed the right time to tick it off. On a day of Fat Cat beers, I didn't realise the Marmalade Cat was an ESB style ale 5%er, so that didn't help either. I settled in the red and purple lit vibrant busy hub of a quiz night, mainly inhabited by students, our 'fabulous' host up on stage doing a decent compere job. I declined to join in officially as Colin's general knowledge is limited, but I still pulled out my notepad and pen and had a go anyway, unofficial like (phones were banned, I didn't want to look like a cheat, so had little else to do). Colin was little help. Remember how I got away with 'closing my eyes' for ten minutes in the Dandy Cock in Kirkby in Ashfield with no-one noticing a few weeks back? Well here, I must have closed them for mere seconds, when this landlady swoops down on me like 'no falling asleep in here please!' so I decide yes, time to neck my average Marmalade and get some fresh air! Not a bad pub in the Norwich scheme of things but I kinda felt like I didn't belong!

23. Rose Inn, Norwich

Fast forward 24 hours to my final pub on the Tuesday night. I was with Daddy BRAPA and the legend who is Tom 'Clag Monster' Irvin. We'd just watched Hull City's worst performance in months (certainly away from home), a 3-1 defeat at Carrow Road and it was freezing. Crossed the road suddenly in that post-match kind of way where cars aren't allowed to mow you down cos football pedestrians have right of way, probably. I admit this wasn't the best time to judge the Rose, it had a 'winding down to last orders' feel, and seemed to be groaning a sigh of relief after what had no doubt been a busy messy pre-match session. My Arbor C Bomb was one of the better kept Norwich pints this week, and a very welcome one, though the pub made very little impression on me. Dad reckoned we'd been here before, but it was not on my spreadsheet so don't matter mate!

Same expression as me watching us play out from the back in a clueless manner for 90 minutes

Join me, probably on Sunday (Friday is unlikely but not impossible) for part 3, as we move into mid table for six pubs where I can say 'yeah, quite decent but they never quite looked like play off contenders'. Otherwise, I'll see ya on Twitter for some pub ticking Thirsty Thursday.

See you soon, Si