The 'fun' thing about this latest five is that being the playoffs, you are allowed to select your favourite to win promotion. Whatever that means in pub terms.
10. Suffield Arms, Thorpe Market
After a traumatic morning, having missed a bus at North Walsham and then ended up in a deer park trying to find the back way to the Gunton Arms, I deserved a bit of luck, and got it. A cracking posh rural pub next to Gunton station, the two hourly train to Cromer timed perfectly for a leisurely 40 minute pint here. My sense of well being was as high as it would be all week, no wonder this pub makes my top ten. Okay, so a local watching the snooker on TV scowls at me on entrance but that can't dampen my mood as I taste the Grain, one of my higher quality pints this week. Nor do I mind that the pub is 50% restaurant because it is out of sight, and therefore out of mind. The toilet decor is just as crazy at the Gunton Arms, I think Thorpe Market folk have a weird kink in this department. These are like a Magic Roundabout seedy bordello. The wicker basketed handtowels are capacious, more like actual towels, certainly not environmentally friendly. The green baize theme continues to dominate as a half term child challenges Mum to a game, inches from my face. I like the Mum, a good sport. "I hope we're not invading you!" she says, as sonny boy jabs his cue towards my left eye socket. "A bit of mild peril only enhances a pub experience!" I reply (for once, I'm happy with my quick comeback). She lets him win, he's a bit shite, she's kinda alright. Then I bump into her by the loos, and again on the platform to Cromer. "A bit of extra peril for you!" she quips. Top Mumming.
9. Brewery Tap, Norwich
More quality from the Fat Catters, this time at the far north end of town, in what was only my second pub of the holiday. It was slightly pubbier than its Canary counterpart, but only by margins, a few more dark wood partitions and a smattering of after work drinkers, not to mention the retired (and) fartin'. An overly excitable beer ticker is overwhelmed by the sheer amount of drinks available, but Norwich isn't a place which holds much stock by excitable visitors, and the general disdain for his enthusiasm was vaguely hilarious, but I also would've felt sorry for the lad if it hadn't been for his boot cut jeans / brogues comb. I stay for a half of something excitably keggy called Strawberry Cheesecake Stout as a show of solidarity, whilst a father and daughter with the face of Churchill the Dog wheel out a chessboard but not a cheeseboard, and a can of coke. An enjoyable place to linger with a drink.
8. Artichoke, Norwich
At least Daddy BRAPA got to see one quality tick during his little cameo of Norwich pre-match. The 'don't be anything phobic' blackboard is the first thing you see (errm, Cauli-phobic acceptable?), and whilst #WokeSi2023 approved, 'WWWSi2023' had his eyes drawn to the smaller crisp blackboard including my Wotsit favourites. Not enough pubs have Wotsits specified. The staff, a young lady and young gent are the most impressive barfolk I encounter all week anywhere in Norfolk, and she, if I can say that, pulls through what appears to be a 'banked' Cameron's / Bass style pair of ales. I ask if she's from Hartlepool. She looks confused. Dad shows her a photo of a Blackpool Jane pint. She looks underwhelmed. In the kindest way possible. The bloke chips in with 'we don't even put a sparkler on, they're just really well conditioned' and he ain't wrong. Best kept Norwich beer I had all week. Makes up for the lack of benches, low seats, and general cosy pub features I love. Great people and great beer go a very long way, and trust me when I say Norwich needs more of that.
7. Beehive, Norwich
Fast forward a few days, and tucked away in the backstreets a couple of miles south of town, I find this little gem. I leap into the place like a beaming gazelle, for this is celebration time, my 31st and final Norwich pub listed in the 2023 Good Beer Guide. Never has finishing one city been such an effort. Of course, my sunny demeanour isn't reciprocated but by this late stage, I've learned not to take it personally (I even tried saying 'hi, hello, hi, how are you' as I made my way to the bar in this bustling evening atmosphere). It was, to coin a phrase, 'like walking into somebody's front room', IF you have a very drunken large bunch of moody lunatics for an extended family. They're generally ancient and all great mates, no doubt regulars here for 20 years, the time it takes it make friends in Norwich. My pint of Oakham Inferno, one of those I HAVE to have, is smashing. Was planning to smuggle my Scampi Fries in peace but a a big Black Labrador with a good nose has other ideas. On the way to the loo, I'm all like "sorry, excuse me, haha, hello, cheers, oops, how are ya". Yes, I wouldn't be quelled, and just like my Martine McCutcheon before me, this was MY perfect moment.
6. Bell, Hempton
'New Icelandic hat, new positive attitude' was the motto on my final morning as I strode ten minutes out of Fakenham to the pretty little village of Hempton. An 11am opener was just what I needed to get off to a good start on a gruelling day of buses, walks and trains. The bloke you see above turned around, clocked me following him into the pub, looked up, saw he didn't recognise me, and then closed the door in my face! But a bit like the village version of the Beehive, this was too good a pub to remain anything other than positive. It felt like the 1970's had returned, for 27.5 minutes only. There's already a few local blokes leaning against the bar, ordering their second pints. Patrick, the latest arrival after door slammer, apologises to the lads for his straggly hair. "You need a hat like me!" I chirp. Everyone looks terrified and murmurs, like they are embarrassed on my behalf. But I wanted to be 'high impact' today, leave an impression. And as they almost say, sometimes you've got to Fake(nham) it to Make(nham) it. The Hiberno drinks well, Moon Gazer certainly had been my star brewery of the week, and when I ask where the loos are, I actually do get a more positive reaction from landlady. Quality boozer this.
So there we go, promotion spots (five of them!) up for grabs Wednesday at the slightly later time of 10-10:30pm, so join me then.
I'll also reveal how many pubs I ticked in Feb and what I'm looking to do in March, in the briefest month end review ever, because let's face it, Norfolk is where it is at. And then we've got an exciting Loughborough v Tunbridge Wells match off.
See you then, Si
