Wednesday 30th April 2025
With the exception of Somerset and Gloucestershire, I went into this seven day birthday ticking bonanza with West Sussex as my most neglected English county.
Littlehampton, half of Horsham and one current tick in Worthing were all I had to boast about to date. That needed to change.
On a scorchio afternoon, I checked in at my delightful Air B&B at Fishbourne, did a big Tesco shop to last me the week, and walked into the equally delightful Chichester.
Before any pub ticking, I wanted to look at the cathedral because I love all old buildings, not just pubs. Ivor Panda was the mascot for the week, Hull City's bid to stave off relegation in nearby Pompey was another key factor in deciding my destination.
Apologies for ongoing AI images, unless you are loving them more than real thing, in which case great. Still hopeful of a Wix solution.
Anyway, I was particularly interested in the Arundel tomb, which Hull legend Larkin (Phillip, not Pop) wrote a famous poem about which he actually disliked. It looks nothing like this .....
Time to hit the pubs. Six to do before closing time. Had to wait for a few to open so I start here:
No time to ease myself into the holiday gently at Little Monster Tap (3086 / 5571), a tropical shirted chatterbox called Kerr collars me at the bar and chats at me for the duration. He says he's from Paisley, though you'd never know from his accent. Barmaid Karen is a lovely individual, she too is from Paisley. Had Duncan Mackay popped in, I'd have got the hattrick. He reckons 'cash is king' but tells me he was one of the first people in the UK to get a credit card. He talks about whisky. He talks about dark matter and how science has a lot to discover. He tells me about his grandfather butcher who looked like a fictional detective called Ironside. 'I'm too young!' I wail. I've chosen the wrong of two casks, 'Pupa/Pooper', going off. It struggles. Karen tells us she used to work at Crufts selling tweed. Niche.
Pints - 1.25
Pub - 1.5
People - 2.75
Total - 5.5
Kerr is desperate to buy me a drink and have me stay so I have to be quite firm in leaving. Pub two is actually just across the road. It is rush hour so I nearly get killed crossing but a bike stops just in time.
With an insipid colour scheme and cluttered furniture making for poor layout, on first glance I'm not at all impressed by the Eastgate, Chichester (3087 / 5572). But on closer inspection, it does possess some charm. Some of these chairs look antique. The fireplace has some delicious tiling. Barmaid Zara warns me the beer is deliberately hazy. 'We aren't a pub that does hazy beers normally so I have to warn people' she clarifies well I tell her its pretty common now. After a brief Brewdog Hazy Jane chat, a Foster's drinking local enters. "The police are after you!" she tells him. I turn around quickly, looking all scandalised. But she winks. A wink to melt hearts. If she has a OnlyFans, she could call herself Zara for Men, but #WokeSi2025 finds such brief flighty thoughts pretty disgusting. The beer ain't great, I'm wondering if hazy is actually cloudy in this case? Pub is definitely a grower, give it a chance.
Pints 1.25
Pub 1.75
People 2.25
Total 5.25
We'd reached 5pm, and that meant that Chichester's most 'outer' pub should now be open. I walked across some pretty green spaces to reach it. Something quite Cambridge / Ely about the Chich. I am incredibly impressed.
A pub of two halves at the Bell Inn, Chichester (3088 / 5573), turn right for a delicious low slung carpetted bench seating dream full of codgers (which of course I did as I am a YTS codger), turn left for a foodier tabled room where couples and businessmen reside , but there's still enough hanging jugs and horse brasses for me to declare this easily today's most impressive pub interior. But the problem of beer quality was following me around , and this 360 degree Double Act pale certainly ain't breaking this awkward cycle. Warm weather + too many on for the number of ale drinkers on a Wednesday in Chichester was my guess. A lady wanders in with a threatening bunch of hydrangeas. I think she wants to give them to somebody, but who was anybody's guess.
Pints 1.25
Pub 2.75
People 1.5
Total 5.5
Next up, today's second micro. Plenty of people enjoying the sun outside, and one Spanish lady poses for the BRAPA photo and says 'hello' which certainly had me going in with raised spirits .....
RetiredMartin had got in my head. Always dangerous. Warning me I'm more likely to find KeyKeg than cask here at the Escapist, Chichester (3089 / 5574). I ask the barmaid if this is the case, though I admit I don't really understand it and I'm not too bothered. She half explains it then says "....main thing is our beer is good and fresh!" Well, after the three pints I'd had so far, amen to that. And it fresh. But by gum, it is fizzy and so powerfully flavoured it is like trying to sink a pint of battery acid. Thank gawd I wasn't against the clock for this one, bus on the horizon etc! I sit on my first grain sack since that Spitalfields horror Crown & Shuttle - nine years ago now but I'm still scarred. A pigeon nearly wanders into the pub, then decides against it. A fellow cask lover?
Pints 1.5
Pub 1.5
People 2
Total 5
Onto pub five. As evening kicked in, the weather cools down and the pubs hot up .....
Inside is lively, and darker than expected. Gotta approve of a dark pub, so well done Hole in the Wall, Chichester (3090 / 5575). My main issue with it is that it feels a bit of a dive bar, bit sticky, not convinced on cleanliness, and my feelings are only compounded when I unwittingly synchronise with a bearded bloke re toilet trips ..... BOTH times he fails to wash his hands. Yuck! I open that toilet door very gingerly with some tissue, I can tell you. I wonder if the group of ladies he's chatting to know he's got pissy hands? Best beer yet, not amazing, but this 3.9% stout from 360 degrees is closest to hitting the spot. I end up outside. First with a jolly bunch of smokers. I deliver this zingy riposte in reply to one of their comments, spin around to see their laughter at my amazing comment ... but they've all disappeared back inside! I find this incident so hilarious I tell a couple who hadn't asked and probably just wanted a quiet drink, but we get chatting. He's quite Pompey and hope they relegate us, but it is all in jest probably. So a good morale boosting ending at least.
Pints 1.75
Pub 1.5
People 2.5
Total 5.75
One pub to go, slightly west of town I guess this is my 'GBG local' for the week .....
"Oooh Titanic Plum Porter, that's a good beer to end on!" I exclaim to the barmaid at Chichester Inn, Chichester (3091 / 5576) and I like the fact they've got an old skool pumpclip for it. She replies that she's never tried it, but she knows she wouldn't like it. I encourage her to give it a go, you only live once. She doesn't look convinced. Quite a classy quiet pub, I can hear bells pealing as the sun sets over Chichester. Quite idyllic. But then, a clamour of laughter from the backroom. Seems there's some students putting a play on. Shakespeare with a modern comedy twist from what I can hear. The lads I encounter at the loos are all bouncing around, full of energy, I hope they stay in the back bit! Least they wash their hands. In keeping with a difficult beer day, even this Titanic Plum Porter doesn't seem 100% on song. A Chichester based guy on my BlueSky tells me that he reckons this same cask has been on for almost a week now! Not sure how he'd know, but sort of sums up day one. Nice pub though.
Pints 1.5
Pub 2.25
People 1.5
Total 5.25
So the Hole in the Wall was the best pub of day one according to my amazing new scoring system. Who knew? Not even me!
Can anything beat it next time as I head north into more rural West Sussex?
Stay tuned, Si
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