BRAPA in .... THERE'S NO SWERVING WORTHING : BIRTHDAY BOOZE BLUES (West Sussex Pt 7/7)

Tuesday 6th May 2025

46 years old! And I felt every inch of it on this, my seventh consecutive day of pub ticking down in West Sussex. Slice me in half and you'd be able to count 46 rings, all rusted with a mixture of ESB and Jaipur.

After an exotic breakfast including blueberries, marmalade on toast, cheese, ham & a strange ginger drink (I was just trying to use up everything in my fridge to be honest), I facetimed Mummy BRAPA, opened a card full of cash, and headed off to Chi. station.

It was as cold as ever and I'd STILL not bought that charity jumper - no point now, I'm off home tomorrow.

Nice thing in Chichester wot bored people congregate at

Pub ticking on my birthday is strangely unsatisfactory, I don't do it regularly since Chorlton-cum-Hardy depressed me in 2016 because everyone was pregnant and every pub (well, bar) was exactly the same. Even though I got my 900th tick in the Dulcimer, which I'm pleased to see still exists .....

Vintage BRAPA footage

If you'd have told me back then that in nine years time, DESPITE some #CruelChurns and a horrid virus shutting pubs for the best part of 10 months, I'd be up to 3,121 ticks, I'd have bitten yer hand off!

NOT that today's first pub was making it easy for me. Not only had it recently changed its name from what is showing in the GBG, but it was hopelessly plotted on Google Maps. The local pensioners definitely wondered why I was lurking by Signature Nail Spa.

(edit : I've just looked at Google Maps has updated the location, hooray!)

I nod at a group of hardy perennials doing their best to embrace street coffee culture in freezing temperatures. Welcome to Great Dane, East Preston (3122 / 5607), WOOF! Cheerful lady greets me. "I'm after a pint!" say I. One of my stock intro lines. "You can .... in a minute!" she says checking her watch. This is one of these coffee & snack places which opens 8:30am for brekkie, but only has a beer license from noon. I jiggle on the spot and do a bit of smiling and say "nice place, nice and warm" which was lame, but all I could think of. I'm just eyeing up the cheese scones when the clock ticks over the yard arm, and a delicious pint of Hip Hop by Langham is mine, my most commonly seen beer this week apart from TT Landlord. Place is warm, bench seating comfy, cushions have a bambooness about them which Ivor appreciates. The only point of interest was washing my hands next to one of the outdoor ladies. "I've come from outside" she says, as we awkwardly grab for the soap at the same time. "Ah yes, I saw you, brrr, haha, hoho". I reply. You can't say BRAPA interactions aren't scintillating.

At the bus stop, Sister BRAPA facetimes me and sings 'Happy Birthday' in her dulcet tones. The four waiting elderly folk remark "cooo, sounds like it's 'is birthday" which was great deduction skills on their part. Bus is delayed just long enough for a quick chat, which was nice.

I should've jumped off the bus a stop sooner, because we got held up by a train crossing on the railway line, and it took ages for them to open the level crossing.

Henty Arms, Ferring (3123 / 5608) was one of those 'WTF?' GBG pubs we're seeing quite regularly in this edition of the Guide. I turn right, and it seems there is no adjoining corridor so you'd have to go back outside to get to the left side room. All I can see is Doom Bar, so that's what I go for. But I'd only missed the blackboard, and they also had Black Sheep and Sussex Best, plus Neck Oil and Mangolicious which I suspected were keg. Yup, I'd maybe have gone Doom anyway! It is an incredibly grey bulky spartan pub, a pool table and fruit machine all that offers colour. And being the only customer doesn't help. Well, there's more folk in the left room but I can't get there easily. Someone shouts for a 'big toilet roll' so maybe I'm best off in here. I watch TV but it is Esther Rantzen's daughter discussing assisted dying on Loose Women. I suddenly chuckle realising my current circs ..... "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SI". I've just finished slagging off the place on X/Bluesky, when the grizzled guv'nor decides to be chatty and lovely. He's seen my GBG, asks how my West Sussex tour is progressing, and wants me to know Doom isn't all that is on, brings me a taster of Mangolicious and watches me drink it. Nice chap, I'm forced into a hasty kinder 'follow up' post. But it still felt a random GBG inclusion.

Next it was back to Worthing for a second time this holiday, or West Worthing to be precise where I had three pubs to mop up .... starting at a mid-afternoon closure, I had about 45 mins.

Interior couldn't match the beautiful exterior at the Parsonage Bar & Restaurant, Worthing (3124 / 5609). I'm plunged head-on into an intimate homely bar full of chipper old boys with hanging arses, and a cordial fresh faced barman. I see Harvey's Old Ale and Sussex Best, so remembering what a dude called Bobby Mango told me a few days back, I ask if he's heard of a 'Mother in Law', half and half, and he's right on it! The old lads looking at me with extra reverence too. I DID wonder what effect it'd have on me? Would I only be shitting out of only half of my arse? My next conundrum was where to sit. This was easily the cosiest room, but quite busy. But the locals made my decision for me, and formed a 'guard of dishonour' and funnel me away into a side room .... charming! So there I sat, reflecting on how this place was very much a southern Brunning & Price. My Mother in Law drank smoothly, but I couldn't help feeling that had the Sussex Best half been substituted for an extra half of Old Ale, I'd have enjoyed it more. Our young host finally pops his head around the door and says 'we're closing in a few minutes'. Errr, okay, what about last orders? Was this it, or was this 'time at the bar'? Didn't matter to BRAPA, but it'd have been nice to be asked!

Just across the road, a pub that does remain open throughout the afternoon .....

Encapsulating my relationship with Worthing perfectly, George & Dragon, Worthing (3125 / 5610) looks the part in much the same way Hare & Hounds did two days before, carpet stretching out, low lit, worried beams. And yet it leaves me ultimately frustrated. My Salopian Hop Twister looks a right mess, so I'm delighted to find it tasting good .... until the final third when it starts to show its true colours. We know by now people in Worthing are allergic to smiling, and the hunched individuals scattered around this room aren't going to risk it, despite my radiance and exuberance .... you know, it really isn't worth the face muscles! Owners are in the Maldives, someone mumbles, maybe that had an impact? Look, I'm trying hard to be charitable here. Ivor was flagging, not many pubs left now lad.

My final Worthing tick is a Micro .....

And it was obvious by now that being in Worthing, the shabby looking Green Man Ale & Cider House (3126 / 5611) wasn't going to live those 'welcoming to strangers' Micropub values that originated in north east Kent. Impressively busy for a Tuesday afternoon, and a huge dog laying at right angles across the J20 fridge looking chilled in every way . I think it was a barless setup, leading to that awkward 'stand around like a pork chop whilst your beer is pulled out of sight'. It isn't that the main man ain't nice, he just doesn't have the social minerals. Fans of Hartlepool's Rat Race or the duo down in Westcliff on Sea will know what I mean. With no seats available, I perch on a cabinet and he sort of loiters behind him waiting for the next person to order a beer, and I'm waiting for him to ask me why I've got a battered GBG or a weird panda cos he's 1cm away, but it never happens, I can almost feel his breath on my neck. But 50 Shades of Worthing this isn't, so I sup up what proved an excellent porter - Rother Valley Blues. And I left feeling a touch blue myself, not nice on your burfday is it?

Taxi cheat to our final pub of the holiday then to perk me up, I can't remember Mehmet but I'm sure he was amazing. Fairly expensive, he drops me off at 4:29pm so on course for a nice early finish so I could get packed and organised for the long trip back to York the following day.

'Kitchen and Ales' hmmm, first impression wasn't great on arriving at Holly Tree, Walberton (3127 / 5612) but once inside, traditional, heartwarming fusty smell, couple o' nice enclaves .... though with some questionable decor determined to bring this old survivor into disrepute. I'm the only customer, but a sturdy chap of good morals pulls me a quality Ruby Porter, and there's a haunted piano which occasionally played itself. Nothing good, just Chopsticks, Tuna Fish etc. Time for the bus to Bognor.

Well I THOUGHT I was the only customer ... who is that in the reflection?

Popped into Bognor 'Spoons for a wee and I may or may not have had a quick half of Jaipur, before it was back to Chichester for my final night. Holiday done, good progress!

And I'll see you all Sunday for the month end review.

Si