BRAPA in ..... THRILLER AT THE GORILLA : MONKEYING AROUND WITH MARTIN IN SOUTH YORKSHIRE

Thursday 19th October, 10:00am

My first thought upon waking up in one of those super soft Lenny Henry approved beds in Bradford's premier Premier Inn was that my bonus glass of Tempranillo hadn't been the brilliant idea it'd seemed 12 hours ago. Ouch my head!

A strong power shower and coffee courtesy of 'Java Joe' (free with local punk venue advice) sorted me out, plus almond crosisant for the win, as I wend my merry little way to Sheffield for South Yorkshire county completion day. Woop. Colin was looking fresher than me.

Being the new Waterbeach, Sheffield is the perfect location to link up with that kindliest of chauffeurs, RetiredMartin, and the weather was Fenland boggy, rain spraying my face as I make my way to the now 'BRAPA iconic' pick up / drop off area just beyond the taxi rank, where the Mart mobile was ready to take me back up t'hill for pub one of three.

I thought I'd sobered up by now but the photographic evidence would suggest otherwise at the sign of lantern .....

Underwhelming. That would be my one word assesment of the Raven, Sheffield North (2473 / 4630), If I was expecting a repeat of last year's Blind Monkey, situated a couple of streets away, it was more akin to Wisewood's Inn, although the Loxley ale was in supreme condition today. Guv'nor seems a functional chap, the carpet is pushing an 8.75 for Pete's sake, but Sheffield is such the thriving pub city, you end up expecting a bit too much. That was my problem here. Over expectation. As Colin reconnects with his old mate Baa Baa Toure for the first time since Chesterfield 2022, Martin wrestles his GBG from the protective cardboard box and we compare Cumbria. Because why not? Late joy on the way out. In a bid to return our empties, Martin inadvertantly takes a tea light candle holder back to the bar. "You'd be surprised how often that happens", says the boss man, and I thank Martin for giving me some last gasp blog material to add colour to what could've been a fairly magnolia experience. "All part of the service" he quips (in a quote I've almost certainly invented).

How green / pink is your Cumbria?

Up to Deepcar next for my penultimate tick. Martin has been of course and enthuses on its charms. It comes under Sheffield still, but when you consider how far north it is, up Chapeltown / Stocksbridge way, you do wonder if it could stand alone?

Unhelpfully placed roadworks force Martin to double back on himself, drop me off, and make a 'difficult decision' to give this one a miss, so we say 27.5 minutes sharpish, and he points out the striking inn sign which we agree is great ........

King & Miller, Deepcar, Sheffield (2474 / 4631), where have you been all my life? Late 2018 when Bradfied refurbed this one, competing with Don Valley for best South Yorks pub revitalisers. Full of life, barmaid offers a perfect intro with a cheery demeanour, boasting that the 'Pumpkin Juice' (the locals name for the Jack o' Lantern guest) is £3 a pint and no pumpkin's have been harmed in the making of it. Shame. I plonk myself around the corner where local lads are eating chips and curry sauce out of polystyrene trays. The rains have ceased, and the sun shines in through the beautiful etched stained glass windows, you could be in Barcelona. The carpet is undulating like a body might be buried, and the curvature of the entrance to the ladies loos is possibly my favourite feature. I give it a stroke on the way to the gents for good luck. Should probably rephrase that. With Mike & the Mechanics, and then Paul Simon, belting out the kind of anthems that have you questioning your punk ethos, I soon realise the 27.5 mins has slipped away alarmingly, so I scoot off to the exit, Martin hovering just outside, showing incredible discipline refusing to cross the threshold. Yet more evidence that traditional pubs are making the first murmurings of a comeback.

One stop to go, the sun high in the sky now as we hit Mexborough shortly after their 3pm opening, almost eight years to the day since I ticked the Imperial and the Concertina. Both great, and this newbie was pretty darn good too ..... and I THINK I'd finally drunk myself sober, don't you?

I'd completed South Yorkshire a year ago at the Blind Monkey in Sheffield, and now here I was at the Gorilla Beer Hall & Tap Room, Mexborough (2475 / 4632). Projections state I'll complete South Yorkshire 2025 at the Orang-Utan Orangery at Oxspring. You heard it here first. A vast modern brewery tap, but it has a modicum of warmth and soul to it, helped by a semi interested landlord, distant upstairs loos a nice but surprising nod to Timbo Martin's chain, plus a cracking point of Vanilla Gorilla Stout. And if it needed a little bit of atmosphere, and let's face it, it did at 3pm on a Thursday sat on Pret a Manger style benches, then the sky blackens, the air temperature increases by about 10 degrees, and this fine misty rain starts siling down. Rainforest style conditions, EXACTLY what a proud Silverback would want! I allow Martin to do the final greening whilst I go up for a wee, SY complete for another year. Bet this place goes absolutely ape on a Friday and Saturday night.

The Mexborough train is cancelled, nooooo, but being the hero he is, Martin runs me back to Donny, where my train is delayed by about half an hour, nooooo, but it just gives me time to to pop into my joint favourite Donny pub and that wonderful station tap, The Draughtsman, for an epic pint of Twilight Pilgrim Pumpkin Spice Latte Stout, yeeeaaah.

So that leaves me with two East Yorkshire ticks, two West Yorkshire ticks and ten North Yorkshire ticks, so I think I can now be justified in starting my Durham / Greater Manchester #ThirstyThursday mop up, and let the 14 Yorkies take care of themselves. #Strategy

Join me on Wednesday, where the angry Storm Babe-t takes hold and forces me into a curtailed Lincolnshire Saturday.

Si