BRAPA is .... SOMEHOW ALLOWED IN BERRY BROW (2024 Yorkshire Mop Up continued)

Thursday 5th October, 3pm.

New ticks in Barnsley, Huddersfield and Sheffield City Centre? I thought I was supposed to be some kind of Yorkshire pub aficionado. Nine point five years of experience. But this is the beauty of a brand new Good Beer Guide, it finds you out for the desperate fraud that you actually are. Spit! I am not worthy.

But enough of this self loathing. A damp and miserable afternoon in 'Uddersfield was punishment enough, every road dug up like Hamas are extending their networks of underground tunnels. Oooh look at BRAPA with the edgy current affairs. Stick to the day job mate. Never disliked the town before despite my many visits, but it felt horrid today.

But nothing like the sight of John Smith's lantern to raise one's spirits.

Or, for that matter, one of those Magnet etched windows. Imagine if the sun had been able to shine through, this place could have been cathedralesque. But it is a nice mixture of the old and new at the County Beerhouse, Huddersfield (2452 / 4609). The danger of course is alienating both the traditional pub lover, and those looking for a salubrious spot for a snack. I reckon this place would please both parties, and again I'm left wondering 'how have I never heard of this place before?' The barmaid is personable, perky and persuasive enough to convince me that this 'chocolate toasted marshmallow stout' isn't sickly sweet, and won't ruin my teeth or gums. I've revealed I visited my Dundonian dentist earlier and he's diagnosed me with 'mild gingivitis' which must be due to replacing my fig rolls with ginger nuts for my afternoon cuppa. I missed a hair colour joke in any case. There is a yellow t-shirt man behind me who keeps smiling like he'd be happy to chat, but I'd rather sit in that glorious window seat and chat to Col. Trippy tunes play, Swim and Sleep (Like a Shark) by the Unknown Mortal Orchestra if you were wondering! Nope, me neither. Decent pub this, not 'arf.

That cute little train line which meanders south of Huddersfield takes me to Berry Brow where lies another old sounding pub which patently hasn't been in a GBG since at least 2015 (I've done West Yorks every year since then so I know, son).

The short journey is soured when I end up in an argument with the train guard about the limitations of anytime singles versus a specifically timed one availability. Too boring to go into, but I smelt 'train company scam'. She was adamant I was wrong, but didn't force me to buy a new ticket and just huffed off, probably cos Colin growled from my bag.

First thing I'm aware of on the approach to pub two is a surprising clamour of noise from within ......

Surprising because it isn't long gone 4pm opening, so I was expecting The Railway, Berry Brow (2453 / 4610) to be a bastion of calm and serenity. When I see how many suits are inside, my initial thought is 'uh oh, wake o'clock!' but because no eyes turn to face me, shoo me out, or tell me I'm disrespecting the dead's family as per Rising Sun at Altarnun #NeverForget , this quickly evaporates from my mind and soon I'm chatting chirpily to a second brilliant barmaid of the day. She warns me the gooseberry beer is very gooseberry, but I tell her I'm being brave and going for it, a decision I'd later regret! I also regret being super chirpy about how packed the place is, when she reveals "obviously we've opened earlier because of the wake"- she talks like I'm 'in the know' - and then I turn to see this large framed photo of a young lady on the bar (I mean the photo is on the bar, not the lady in the photo, that'd be inappropriate, even if she was a regular). Beside a table of nibbles, a tight knit group in black are having a sombre chat. Time to set my face to respectful, and walk with a heavy gait to my table. Colin who's been peeping out of the bag is now hidden, and I see Henry Hoover has been shoved out of view near the dartboard. The carpet is a heartwarming 8.5. A bloke opposite me is just here for a pint too. We occasionally half smile at each other, kindred spirits in weird circs. The pub had opened earlier than 4pm, our barmaid tells me as she clears up empties around me, but I wonder if I was only now allowed in because we'd reached the official opening time. I then find myself musing on how society deals with death. Bet let's not get too deep, Barnsley isn't far away.

And Barnsley wasn't far away, although the pub walk was longer than expected.

I couldn't believe this next one wasn't on the BRAPA spreadsheet. Summer Lane is the most familiar Barnsley pub district to me, I even knew I was heading for a chunky white building on the right side of the road at a corner! I can distinctly recall a 2004/5 era tick with Daddy BRAPA, Moulders Arms(?), we walked straight past it. And perhaps it was also the circa 2010 pub which I walked to with Tom 'Clag Monster' Irvin only to find an unexpected 'SHUT PUB ALERT'. Still, had I really never been in?

Well, unless the spreadsheet can confirm, the tick is still required.

Classic Barnsley 'ospitality greets me at the George & Dragon, Barnsley (2454 / 4611) as I have to shift a few chairs to enable me a clear run to the bar. Pubs with badly positioned furniture, add it to the BRAPA gripes list. The local bar blockers wearing gold leaf shirts (a bold fashion choice) notice this and give me a good 'ho 'ho ho', muttering something indistinguishably South Yorkshire. The barmaid, pops out from behind them, and apologises for their badly behaved furniture and suggests I need a pint 'after all that!' I'm reassured that the Coconut Porter 'isn't too bad even if you hate coconut' which really was becoming today's theme. I was craving a boring brown bitter in truth, but you gotta play the game of pub. Half guilty I haven't stayed with the gold leaf gang who are trying out a bit of 'Mustang Sally' humour, which is of its era, I pull up a pew and I'm delighted to report the pub 'rings no bells' in my mind. It purrs with bonhomie though, and although my pint becomes increasingly challenging (again), I love the place. Not entirely sure about the decor and a striped carpet, gives off a few Premier Inn vibes, but the punters and staff make it, especially mullet man who pulls off 1987 chic, and I just found myself smiling through the whole experience.

Only one logical next stop when you are languishing in Barnsley gone 7pm, and that is the mighty pub city of Sheffield. Not my favourite place in the world, I'll admit, I just find it a bit too 'strung out' but it delivers time and time again on the pub/beer front and this GBG debutant was decent ......

A short stride to the south from the station as if you were Bramall Laneing it with the Rutland Arms in the back of your mind, Triple Point Brewery & Bar, Sheffield (2455 / 4612) didn't do much outside the Brewery Tap norm, but the feel good factor from George & Dragon extended into here, just about 50 years younger! More evidence that the kids are alright, or at least the current twentysomething's of the world, far more switched on, engaging and warm than both my generation who grew up in the 80's/90's, and those ten years older, something I notice everywhere I go. Sometimes they try too hard to be 'random' but that's fine. I must've looked old to them, cos they keep justifying their 'quirky' behaviour (like when one of the staff trips over another and ends up on the floor, cackling - RANDOM), waving across at me like 'we're fine , don't phone an ambulance LOLZ'. I'm asked if I'm enjoying my beer about ten times. "It isn't coconut, gooseberry or marshmallow stout' I finally reply, all eager with a warm smile. That confused 'em! I'm sooo random. As a niche Catatonia/Reef/Stereophonics playlist booms out at a zillion decibels like it is Sunderland Uni 1999, I realise the only other customer in my side of the bar isn't drinking but actually waiting for takeaway food. No wonder I'm getting the full VIP and the place smells like KFC. Did I mention I need a wee? #RhyminWithSimin

Would'be been nice if the beermat had come second

Anyway, did someone mention the Rutland Arms? One of the fifty best pubs in the UK alongside Black Horse in Preston, Fox Inn York and 47 others I've not decided on yet. Would be rude not to wouldn't it.

The perfect example of a pub which keeps it old school, yet has the quirky youthful vibrancy to stop it becoming stale and feeling like a 'throwback'. Keep pubs relevant, this is how to do it.

Thanks for reading, Yorkshire is progressing well but plenty more work before the month of October was out.

I'll hopefully be back tomorrow to tell you about the day we went to Millwall.

Si