Friday 19th - Wednesday 24th September 2005
I found myself within the pub ticking corridor of uncertainty.
After five quiet disciplined days at home, I'd finished cross-ticking the new 2026 Good Beer Guide ........
.... but wasn't allowed to reveal any GBG contents until the following Thursday due to this exciting slip of paper .....
....so I had to spend six days pub-ticking 'under cover', where I managed a record breaking 17 ticks to help quell the #CruelChurn.
I'll tell you about these pubs, in brief, and I do so now only under sufferance.
Yorkshireman, Skipton
Shutting the door in the face of the more belligerent of two bar staff wasn't the best way to kick off 2026 ticking. He doesn't accept my half apology. Even when I return my glass to him at the end, he gives me a Yorkshire glare. The worst of all glares. His compatriot by contrast declares "TO YOUR VERY GOOD HEALTH!" as he pulls my pint. The lady next to me reckons these two are playing 'roles', designed to illustrate the 'two faces' of Yorkshire folk! A concept piece. She tells me everything here is Yorkshire produced, including the red wine. She gives me a sup. Wow. "I didn't even know Yorkshire did vineyards!" I exclaim. She suggests that might be indoors or underground. Hmmm. Everyone is grey haired and jolly.
Cock & Bottle, Skipton
An apt beer for a Friday night but by gum, service is slow and the feeble yet angelic barmaid seems utterly thrown that I ain't eating. Despite the warped beams in this obviously ancient building, this was a food hole. No beermats. Giant Yorkshire Puddings full of gravy wherever you look. Strange atmos. But I count myself lucky to get a well kept cask ale because they had vanished by the time one of my fellow pub tickers came here a few weeks later. Wildcard GBG inclusion it felt.
Goat's Head, Steeton
The anxious lady crossing the road opposite the pub beside me is transformed into a confident swaggerer once behind the bar. You're hit with pure pubness the moment you open the door, very local, very community. I doubt it has done much different for the last 30 years, yet here it is in the GBG. A Tim Taylor Landlord Champion club member and it showed, scintillating condition. Guess Keighley isn't far from here which helps. You'd think so many dogs and kids careering around a pub would be worse than jarring, it normally is, but in this chaotic happy environment, it 'worked', and I'm happy to perch in the centre of the corridor, 'guardian of coats and jackets', which at least one Karen Matthews Mum appreciated.
Victoria Tap, Manchester
Onto the following day, and Manchester is wet even for Manchester. In this impressive early opening station tap, I'm joined by Alex Quosh, one of my faves and my first ever guest secret ticker. It's fine, he doesn't like the BRAPA lens anyway. After a curious pub dog shows an interest in the new GBG, our lovely host coos "how'd ya get a new Beer Guide so quickly?" and after explaining how important I am, I allow her to highlight it, and it appears on their Instagram a few days later. The Mallinson's drinks supremely. Impressive all round.
Railway, West Didsbury
How much garlic bread can one group of lads eat for breakfast? A Holt's pub as stodgy as what was on the plate. In a good way, and the bitter drank very nicely indeed thank you for asking. Wasn't one of the prettier pubs in the chain though, and won't live long in the memory. The loos were Wetherspoons levels of upstairsness. Quosh kept me entertained with fun anecdotes, but I can't remember what they were about. Steady away.
Pray Tell, Sale
Joined by Quosh's mate Joe for this one, a dude who loves running but his hips can't keep up. So we're glad he hobbled along to Sale for this curio. A basic micropub with, if it doesn't smack of #EverydaySexismInBeer the 'feminine touch', such were the levels of pink, wispy fonts, and fragrant products in a wicker basket in the single cubicle loo. The highlight is undoubtedly the ale, Kernel Porter (drinking like it 'oughtta') from That London is perfect on such a soggy Manc day. Meanwhile, Quosh's Dundee Utd stat thrilled all who heard it.
Stubborn Mule Brewery, Timperley
This rarely open industrial estate brewery tap was knocking around the back of park from the nearest Metro station. With another deluge of rain and some strangely damp knees, the guv'nor is both surprised and delighted to have three random customers. The place is empty otherwise. There's some hardcore 'brewing industry' chat which becomes a bit too rich for my blood, so I go to make friends with a stubborn spider with a tiny cobweb and reflect that the Peyton Arms, Stoke Lyne this place isn't. Still, good pint, nice man, good company, and GMR's trickiest tick of the year outside of Wigan completed.
Old Monkey, Manchester
With the rain worse than ever back in the city centre, all manner of hens and football fans had taken refuge at today's second Holt's pub - which repeated the formula of a solid pint of bitter (not literally, it WAS liquid) in pretty ok but unremarkable Holt's surroundings. Bit of a dosser. The honest guv' even admitted to Quosh that the Mild ain't selling great so we might be best sticking with the bitter! Highlight for me was the news coming through that we'd beaten recently relegated parachute privilegees Southampton 3-1, though Joe (Preston) and Quosh (lapsed Man Utd) didn't seem quite as excited as me when I pushed my phone in their faces. I reckon Owlie McBurnie is the best mascot yet (apart from Colin obviously). Keane Lewis Who?
North Westward Ho! Manchester
The day started as it had begun with a guest barmaid highlighting my GBG in this, Quosh's de-facto Manc local. She's a spirited lass and kept hitting him for being cheeky but I can't remember why. Although this pub was quite crafty, it was surprisingly easy to feel at home - just set the right tone, not quite sure how it achieved it, arcane magic or something. My 6% Arbor probably helped. I hesitated briefly before remembering that Fullers ESB is only 0.1% less, and sometimes I have that seventh, never mind sixth. The zip on my bag broke on the way home at the most inopportune moment, allowing rainwater in to weaken the spine on my brand new GBG which was already looking anything but!
Crown, Bradford
Despite the rigours of Saturday, and my cheeky Friday night bonus, I was still up for a third consecutive day's ticking, which just shows how much the 'churn' had spooked me. A grey bus journey from Bradford Interchange brought me to the Horton suburbs, and this chunky Greene King roadhouse. She knows I'm a CAMRA immediately. 25% off in all GK pubs til the end of Oct! I'm liking that. And what better beer than a GK/Thornbridge 'collab' between two different types of evil (Si, let it go, it has been three years!) I should've gone back bar, that's where the blokes and zimmers are. But there's a modicum of comfort anyway, it is just very sleepy Sunday lunchtime fare.
Crossed Shuttle, Pudsey
One of the weaker 'Spoons I've been to this year, poky, grubby, miserable staff, weird punters, couldn't even say the beer was that good because the Rudgate Chocolate Stout lacked chocolate which it sometimes does in York too, but can be amazing 'on its day' which reminds me of when Brian Laws used to say on Radio Humberside that Scunthorpe could beat anyone 'on their day' i.e. 3am on Friday 25th Smarch. Carpet could've been an 8.5, but needed a hoover. Took an age for dirty plates to be collected. The highlight was linking arms with two randy wobbly old ladies to help them into a taxi on the way out. Crossed Shuttle, more like the Toss Shittle.
Union Rooms, Batley
Bazinga! What a difference a Wetherspoons makes. Staff concern as Toni went into the kitchen, got lost, and now no-one can find her. How big must 'Spoons kitchens be? The carpet screams 1988 Wacaday / Stock, Aitken & Waterman. £1.19 for a Wobbly Bob? Well, it'd be rude not to. Kept as nicely as is befitting this legendary BRAPA favourite. Smiley customers. They all have at least one tooth missing. And wear them on chains around their necks like in Papua New Guinea, which Batley sort of is. I'm so relaxed though. If I order another and stay here too long, I'm waking up in Penzance or Oban innit?
Three Swords, Horsforth
Not very useful for 'Horsforth' town, you're best catching a bus from L**ds or if you insist on catching a train, walking from Kirkstall Forge. It had been a tough weekend and I had to sit on a L**ds station bench and psyche myself up. Be a 'pub ticking mentality monster' as Lucy Bronze might say. Decent place, not unlike their brewery tap on Kirkstall Road with a touch less grandeur. Smells of parmesan, but not in a Bristol & Hillesley dried puke way, there's raised booths behind me full of hungry students. Harvey's Sussex Best on for the homesick southerners, I stuck to the eponymous stuff, and it is good. Glad I made the effort. Our 13th secret tick hadn't been unlucky.
Ladybarn Social Club, Ladybarn
Fast forward to the following Wednesday, the evening before GBG official release date and it really was mad dash to get four more in before closing time. Good things came to those who wait here. 7pm opener saw me hovering about after a short walk from Mauldeth Road. I'm buzzed in and asked to sign an electronic guestbook, the likes of which I've only seen when you park in a pub carpark in East Hull. The £3.30 Aussie Pale is A* quality, typical of the Stockport / S Manc area but it isn't like this countrywide I can assure you. And this, I was later told, a '2nd reserve' entrant. Bald heads join me for a companionable Carabao Cup draw watchalong. Staff are quirky and gentle. Place spick and span. Yep, I was well impressed although some folk thought it reminiscent of a Wetherspoons from my indoor photos which in reality isn't true at all so must be the angle of my photos / staircase!
Station Hop, Levenshulme
School canteen chic, with a green and orange colour scheme not unlike the healthy alternative Herbie's at Fulford school where you could get chicken dippers and still get accused of being vegetarian. Chilly and uncomfortable wooden benches, I couldn't imagine settling here for more than one, and the young guy in charge is unfriendly verging on rude. Even when I return my glass at the end, I get no smile, thanks or goodbye despite my winning trademark sunny demeanour (honest!) It added insult to injury. At least the Blackjack drank nicely, and a bloke mansplained Doncaster Rovers Belles near domination of women's football in year's gone by to an unimpressed crowd around the bar.
Sun & Castle, Stockport
The third Joseph Holt's of the secret ticking era, and easily the finest. It had that warm expansive lounge feel which Manchester and Didsbury lacked. Shady blokes disappearing and reappearing through doors which I didn't know existed give me a nod and a wink. A hound outside howls like a possessed banshee, an irritated smoking Mum too tired of life to calm it down. Hallowe'en was over a month away but this was peak 31st October. A cuter fluffy pup gets excited by the sight of Ivor Panda, trots over to us, but gets stared out, and realises he's bitten off more than he could chew and makes a hasty retreat. The Bitter is top hole. As they say 'a welcome addition to the <insert place name> scene' though I suspect this pub has been doing its own thang for the past 200 years.
Albert Hotel, Disley
Pub aerobics, not a concept I was familiar with, but then again I haven't been to Disley since 2017 when I spotted the probably Micky Mouse themed Malt Disley - and what a good pre-emptive shout that one proved. Her energy was boundless, and even when staff and locals grew tired of her routine, she's still jumping around like a maniac. Read the room? Not her. Livin' in the moment. Respect. But I'm keeping a safe distance. Earlier, an exiled Geordie wipes the moisture from his eyes after an emotional cup win against Bradford. I'm glad the Plum Porter tastes like Grand Reserve, even if it is just the normie version. Pubs though eh, gawd love 'em. Makes you wonder what 10pm Saturday is like in here!
Have I just written about 17 pubs in a fairly concise manner? More of this please. Maybe I will catch up by Christmas. See you on Wednesday when we head to Central London, Watford, Rochdale & more.
Keep it pub, Si
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