Thursday 21st March 2024
It seemed an eminently sensible decision to take the bus direct from the top of my road all the way to Whitby, having previously approached it from Scarbs and Middlesbrough starting points.
Less sensible was my ambitious pre-BRAP beverage choice. Firstly, a lemon and apple cider vinegar 'livener'. Secondly, a kale, kefir and blueberry liver repairing smoothie. And just for shits n giggles, a coffee laced with zero calorie barista amaretto syrup.
In squally conditions, the bus is 25 mins late. You can imagine that by Pickering, I was beside myself with full bladder problems. Pissering. I didn't want to get off. I look around. No one is sat near me. I'm on the top deck (not the shandy, that'd make things worse), far back seat. Lots of privacy. It's on!
So I neck my big bottle of lemon barley, and then wee into the bottle. A superb low risk manoeuvre.
And just in time! The bus starts talking to everyone. Telling us which side to take photos on for the Hole of Horcum, Grosmont steam railway, and Goathland. The Spanish kids start snapping away!
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Whitby at last, it had been a good two and a half hours. I need a strong pint. But first, to dispose of wee bottle in the public loos (40p, card payment, you're having a laugh!) and a second wee just for luck, after all I had a litre of lemon barley sloshing around inside me now!
Pub time, I'd sure had to work for it!
Quirky Den, Whitby (2701 / 4862)
'Cash only, hope that's okay!' says Den (if that's his real name) on entry, but it is fine, I'd seen the sign, and it had opened up my eyes, I'd seen the sign. 'Old Peculiar' I say. "From wooden casks" breathes Den with a gentle menace, like he's telling Angie he's filing for divorce on Christmas Day (my sweet). This is a superb micro. They'd closed from New Year, only reopening 29th Feb, the quirkiest day in the calendar. I've forgiven them already. It really reminds me of Kent's finest efforts. Genuine non-forced quirkiness. There's an old lady with a red beret chuntering. And a glamourous lady who looks like she's got the wrong week for Gothic festivities. Her boyfriend does the whole amorous Gomez Addams / Pepe le Pew 'full arm kissing' at regular intervals. I sit next to a chatty amputee from dirty L**ds. Great bloke. He has a mate called Colin too. Goes horse racing with his. He LOVES the BRAPA concept. Turns to his wife, asks if she'll buy him a Good Beer Guide for his birthday so he can start ticking some off. She puts her head in her hands, and I offer my sincerest apologies. We're joined by another cute couple. Lady has just had a knee op, and props up her stick next to L**ds bloke's double stickage. Den sees them and says "corr, it is like Tiny Tim's corner over here!" which as a Scrooge fan, genuinely made me chuckle. I allow our new mate to do the highlighting, but with the pub's own GBG copy just behind us, Den briefly panics and shouts across "I thought you were defacing pub property for a minute!" I'd predicted that'd happen. Great boozer.
A better pubman than me, he's still called Jim, had recommended a pre-emptive in the pub tickers group chat which is allegedly 'on the local CAMRA radar for 2025'.
Well, I don't wanna have to come back to Whitby again next year cos lovely as it is, a total pain in the arse, so I decide to make the effort.
And Beer O'Clock, Whitby is a worthy pre-emptive when you are looking at it from a purely beer perspective which is what the GBG is supposed to be. I invoke pre-emptive rules and just order half a St Paddy's themed stout by the always excellent Wilde Twild. Kept well. I wonder if the barman would be chattier / smilier if I'd ordered a full pint, but this could be BRAPAranoia (BRAPA paranoia, not Bra Paranoia, just so we are clear). Otherwise, it is a bit 'After the Lord Mayor's Show' following the excellent Quirky Den, but I can imagine if I'd settled down, sat lower down, taken my coat off, eaten some crisps, spoken to a posh nearby lady etc. I'd have felt a bit more connected.
Anyway, I'm still fully expecting Whitby to bang something new in the 2025 GBG just to piss me off like it usually does.
Next (and final) stop, Marske. Another fair slog of a bus ride, passing through Saltburn which was nice because I'd watched the excellent but disturbing film of the same name the previous night.
Always important to speak your mother tongue on the Saltburn cliff tramway. The funicular vernacular. (Sorry).
Smugglers Den, Markse-by-the-Sea (2702 / 4863)
First impressions aren't great as I enter this freezing clompy narrow main front bar, not too enamoured with the Taxman Three Brothers pale either, one of those breweries who always do amazing dark stuff but I never love their lighter ones. But the pub is quick to turn an underwhelming right around, the full 360, well 180 at least. And you've got to commend the Teesside folk, I've said it before and I'll say it again. some of the best people in the country live in that sliver of land between Northallerton and Durham. First, a nice old lady encourages me to warm my hands on the candle(!) to get warm. Colin is embraced by all, 'we love stuff like that' the barmaid tells me, proving you don't need Quirky in your name to embrace it. She's actually an adopted Marskeee, via Bromley, Writtle and Chelmsford. In fact, when I ticked Writtle's Wheatsheaf, she was working in the other pub across the road. She tells me I don't sound very Yorkshire, so I tell her I'd spent 5 years in Saffron Walden i.e. GOOD Essex. Main guy comes in from the back room, and before I can blink, Colin is all over their Facebook like a boss. When people are this nice, chilly pub temperature and avg beer aren't so noticeable. When I leave, she says "bye Colin" so I have to do his voice! "I've always imagined he's a Brummie" I confess. "Oh don't say that!" she replies. Two ticks left in North Yorkshire, result!
The candle lady had claimed it was an uphill climb to Marske station, but I saw no incline! It isn't Matlock anyway.
Speaking of which, I hope to be back tomorrow to tell you all about that. But I'm packing & planning an ambitious Easter break which starts Wednesday night, so I may run out of time.
Keep it green, keep it quirky. Si
