BRAPA - IT'S A KNOCKOUT! THE AXHOLME OUTER DONNY WARWICKSHIRE TROPHY (1/2)

Eight pubs to tell you about over the next two blogs, all dotted around the country, which got me thinking 'what exciting format could I present this in?'

Well, using a slight variation on the recent matchday theme, I thought we could treat it like a knockout competition. 8 goes into 4 goes into 2 goes into one winner. Simple. Sort of.

I just need to allocate each pub a number and use my draw machine to undertake the quarter final draw. Home teams drawn by Colin 'Bert Millichip' Cauliflower, away teams by Oscar 'Graham Kelly' Owl. (I'm showing my age now, it'd be Stormzy and Peter Crouch these days).

Don't ask why the numbers are so random. Anyway, I've done the draw, this is how it came out:

Ferry House Inn, Burton-upon-Stather v Cross Keys, Wroot

Coach & Horses, Barnburgh v Greyhound, Sutton Stop, Coventry

Crown Inn, Belton v Anker Inn, Nuneaton

King's Arms, Haxey v Terminus, Conisbrough

Now I just need to work out how I decide who wins. Well, a combination of dice roll plus a 'weighted' rating depending on which pub I preferred on the day.

Let's get into the first two matches then, the other two will be on Wednesday, along with Semi's and Final I suppose (I'm making this up as I go along).

Ferry House Inn, Burton-upon-Stather v Cross Keys, Wroot

Our final two pubs on Saturday funnily enough, so very much an Axholme derby. Daddy BRAPA did the driving, our Barton friend Christine joined us, and both locations were pretty remote in a six fingered nice reassuring sort of way. We'll start with the 'home' team, Ferry House, my 6.5th pint of the day, so don't expect me to remember much about my pint, but it was a relief to get in having failed a couple of months ago. It has been in the same family for about 50 years and keeping up to date hours on social media doesn't appear to be a priority. It was an atmospheric if slightly strange place down on the Trent, 'Oddballs' testicular cancer charity dominates the cushions and toilet artwork, a dog from Macedonia was strewn across the floor, and despite a chat with its owner, of course I stood on the poor creature on the way out, my impaired faculties and the low lighting being a dangerous combination. My first dog standing pub incident since the day 'Neighbours' finished last summer. Today was its 38th birthday. Neither dog looked like Bouncer. I heard that Burton-upon-Stather has been described as the Bermuda Triangle of Lincs, which seems fair, and that the guv'nor could give Humphrey Smith a run for his money. It all just adds an extra layer of peril and intrigue to a tricky pub tick that always makes the GBG. Rewarding.

Immediately before that, we found ourselves even closer to both Notts and South Yorkshire borders in the tricky 4pm opener, Cross Keys, Wroot. Another GBG regular too. These are the types of ticks I need to counteract that pesky churn. I really enjoyed this one, looking back now, a touch of 'fifth pint of the day syndrome' means I can't fully articulate why, but I found it unfussy, basic, companionable - it spoke for itself, if you can say that about a pub. 'Basket Case' by a random Wakefield brewery was an excellent little drop, a bloke on Twitter had told me Scampi Fries were dying out, and I should get them when I see them, so I did - although I must admit I haven't witnessed a decline in Scampi Fries myself. Cheese Merments (as they say in Hull) I've not seen in years. Only 2 Bacon fries and 2 Pork Scratchings left here. Joe (w)Root may be ailing of late, but this pub remains strong.

I'm giving a weighted (+1) point to Wroot because I slightly preferred it.

So now for the dice roll ...... 5-4 to the Ferry House, so 5-5 taking the weighted into account.

Penalty shoot out additional dice roll drama! I hadn't anticipated this .... 6-2 to Ferry House. Wow!

Full time - Ferry House Inn, Burton-upon-Stather 5-5 Cross Keys, Wroot (Ferry House wins 6-2 on penalties). See you in semi's.

Game two.

Coach & Horses, Barnburgh v Greyhound, Sutton Stop, Coventry

Luckily, I opened my eyes before entering the Coach & Horses because it was an absolute gem. National Inventory in a pretty village outside Doncaster, closed for a while but Don Valley (the brains behind Sheffield's excellent newbie, The Blind Monkey) have breathed new life into it, and the multi roomed central corridor layout and art deco features (particularly the ceiling in the bar we sat in) were joyous. But that's not to say the pub was a total success in my mind. The DV ales were decent, but not scintillating, especially my follow up Gongoozler stout half whilst Dad sat in the car and had a sandwich (it had been much better in the Blind Monkey). And much of the atmosphere was spoiled by the staff's insistence on TERRIBLE loud music. Chris Brown or someone like that. They were a very 'Fiat 500' crowd if you know what I mean, not unpleasant but not particularly engaged, the type where a false eyelash could float down into your pint at any moment. Remnants of St Patrick's Night were strewn around. All this plus Dad's forced flashbacks of the horrid hotdog we'd had in Sheffield, plus the threat of nachos & burritos meant that the pub just failed to reach the heights that it was certainly capable of.

Down on a canal half an hour walk from the Ricoh arena or whatever they call it these days, Daddy BRAPA agreed that we had time for a post-match pint at the much mentioned, but never before visited Greyhound, before the drive back to York a week ago. Our Hull City chums always used to come here circa 2005, but we always steadfastly remained in the Town Wall Tavern. No other football folk seemed to make the same walk back today, and yet the place was heaving when we arrived! I couldn't believe it. Where had they come from? Not a huge place, but a hugely atmospheric pub, I reckon it is more of a summer time destination with masses of outdoor canal seating, but I'm such a pub lover, I'd probably have remained within these cosy walls even on a 30 degree day. Bass makes everything better, but try as we might, we couldn't find a seat. Finally, we are invited to join three blokes in the corner, but the older angry Scottish Father Jack hasn't read the script. 'Feck arse drink, I can't see the rugby now!' he growls, his son/grandson tries to apologise to us, but we are happy to shuffle along. He's nicer after this even if he rarely glances at the Six Nations! It was all a bit squashed & messy by the difficult to slam front door , windy rain swirling around. Atmospheric but a bit uncomfortable.

No weighted vote here, I thought both pubs were crackers but given a slightly different atmosphere, could've been even better, like pub of the month contenders. But not quite on these visits.

Dice roll ..... Coach & Horses, Barnburgh 6-2 Greyhound, Sutton Stop, Coventry

Oh dear, the Greyhound obviously doesn't travel well. Coach & Horses joins the Ferry House in the semi's.

Well, what fun we've had.

Join me Wednesday when we'll see what happens in the Crown Inn, Belton v Anker Inn, Nuneaton &

King's Arms, Haxey v Terminus, Conisbrough ties.

Si