Greetings pub pickers!
40 GBG pubs in either 2023 or 2024 editions (or in most cases, both) were visited on my recent holiday where I stayed a week on the outskirts of Dundee.
Let us start with those which put the dross in Ardrossan.
40. Whey Pat Tavern, St Andrews (Wednesday 13th Sept 2023, 4pm)
I'm glad I found this back lounge on an early trip to the loo here after a bladder busting bus ride from Anstruther, because the front bar was a depressing sticky soulless mess, rough as a badger's arse. About as far removed from the young, vibrant St Andrews I'd experience everywhere else. The Deuchers was dreadful. The weather had turned from summer to autumn today, and the pub was freezing. Flags and sports plasmas and fruit machines completed the scene. One pub from now, I'd be sent the Fife pages for the new 2024 Guide, and no, this pub didn't retain its place. Shockingly, the only pub in this first part that didn't!
39. Boudingait, Cupar (Friday 15th September, 2:45pm)
Barely the merest pretence at providing a drinkers atmosphere, unless you include the 'jokey' 'creche for husbands, the wife is 99km away' signage. Cutlery and large laminated menus on every table. Seems the drinkers are expecting to bar block on posing stools, like one poor old lady who started apologising and moving her belongings so I could see the pump(s)! I wasn't gonna go down that route, so sat at the far end. But the door was open, and the drizzly autumn wind & rain was coming in. Two helium balloons jostle for position. One for a 40th birthday, one for a staff member leaving. Do on later? A teenager walks around muttering about having lost something. My Orkney Corncrake is cloudy and tastes like an unpleasant wheat beer. I was supposed to be an hour here, but when I saw there was a bus in 17 minutes, I forced myself to down it and hop across the road for the thankfully delayed bus. Staff smile at me from afar, that was nice.
38. Ship Inn, Limekilns (Thursday 14th September, 1:45pm)
Buoyed (pardon the pun for we were on the seafront here) by my newly found 'special knowledge' courtesy of first GBG receiver, Maltmeister, that the Limkilns duo plus a Dunfermline trio had places in the 2024 Guide, I set off for South Fife the following morning with renewed vigour. What followed was the poorest quality section of my entire holiday. Both handpumps turned around so I opt for Guinness. I'm later told the Guinness here had gone off last week so I should count myself lucky the drinks range was THIS good! Although the young lad who serves me is reverential, it is another Boudingait 'drinkers are lower class citizens ' style set up. But it is so much pubbier where the folk are eating lunch, with a soft carpet, nice bench seating, and warmer. Bar area has none of this. I shuffle into an empty space, asking a lady bringing two crones dessert if this is ok for a drinker to do. She makes zero eye contact as she huffs "you are for now, unless more people come in!" Way to make you feel welcome(!) At least a lady opposite with her son is smiley. Worse still, I have to nurse this pint severely due to badly timed buses. But isn't Guinness a meal in itself anyway? Obviously, I couldn't relax after this, for constant peering towards the door, but at least the Guinness was good and I was warm!
37. Bruce Arms, Limekilns (Thursday 14th September 2:45pm)
And whilst we're in miserable Limekilns, we may as well get their other sub-par tick done too. Little bit harsh to have it this low down to be honest, it was after all one of those beautifully done mini-castles which they call Scottish hotel bars. Piano, suit of armour, 8/10 carpet, privileged dog, you know the drill. It even had a cask ale pump lurking. Oooh Limekilns, you are really spoiling me. Inner Bay Citrine, sounded good, sadly tasted like it hadn't been turned over in the past week. The staff 'welcome' was chilly though a chirpier older person appeared later on. Could have done with a bit of heating on too, talking of chilly. And talking of Chile, maybe a nice glass of Merlot would've been preferable to the ale. It would've been boring if two blokes with northern accents hadn't started talking to me. Leyland. I've been there. Sweet story. Childhood friends. They lost their wives (I think they meant deid, rather than roaming the backstreets of Cowdenbeath) around the same time, reconnected and now go on holiday together. The sort of blokes you warm to, good humoured but gentle. Boy, did I need it after the Limekilns I'd had! I'm begging you, take me back to Dunfermline ASAP (said no one ever).
36. Old Mill Inn, Pitlochry (Monday 11th September, 3pm)
The waterwheel (and waterfall / river out the back) is the big selling point at this overbaked tourist trap restaurant masquerading as a regular GBG entry, on the train route between Perth and Aviemore. I did apologise to the Anglo-Aussie duo for the photo, turned out everyone was snapping the waterwheel and they shouldn't have sat there! I was hoping it might spark some 'Neighbours' chat to alleviate the boredom. Still, I was happier out here than in, summer sun still strong at this stage of the hols. A watery pale from a tiny place in Blair Atholl matched the interior, where I'd been squashed in a low down seat in the dark for too long! The staff were an odd bunch, 'top bantz' between themselves, but as soon as a customer approaches, set faces to RBF. Shame. One bloke did bring me a beermat outside though, that was the highlight. Someone on Twitter suggested it is better on an evening. I normally concede this might be true, but impossible to believe though on this evidence.
35. East Port, Dunfermline (Thursday 14th September, 4:45pm)
Hot on the heels of my dreadful Limekilns beer experience earlier that day, a poor pint here finally crushed my spirit. Dunfermline felt quite a spirit crushing place anyway, with one exception, which we'll get to in Part 5, but this place hadn't been in the 2023 GBG, was returning in 2024 so I at least expected something half decent. Shame really cos as bars go, this had a pleasant old school feel to it, plenty of nobbly old locals rattling around to the echoey sound of horse racing, a 7/10 carpet in places. At almost any other given point of my holiday, I'd have returned my pint with confidence and swagger but I drank what I could, 'plant potted' the rest behind a large drinks menu, looked down at my shoes, and trudged off for the train back to a what would be a much happier evening in Broughty Ferry.
34. Airlie Arms Hotel, Kirriemuir (Tuesday 12th September 2:45pm)
After a 13 mile round trip to Memus, top quality refreshment was required as my achey breaky legs retraced their steps to Kirriemuir, my transport hub! As you might be able to tell from the above photo, the beer weren't reet good. I don't want to be horrible, the barmaid here was the brightest personality, friendliest, not to mention most attractive of my entire holiday (BRAPA Brunette of the Year contender had it not been rightly outlawed citing #WokeSi2018 reasons, much to ClagMonster's dismay) - and obviously being able to tell her about my epic walk made me 2.1% more attractive. The replacement beer also had 'those funny weird floaty bits in it' (to use a quote at the time). Took about five staff to get to the root cause, both bottom of the barrel. At least they cared, and were active about doing something about it like almost ASAP, just a shame they seemed to have such little cask knowledge! This breezy happy hotel bar could've been top 20 , especially when a Geologist from Ramsgate "I've been mostly turning up rocks near Inverness!" his opening gambit, as he perches next to me, impressed by my pub knowledge in his local area! Oh, and he said the ONE thing I didn't want to hear. "Beautiful beer this, fresh barrel she tells me!" I had to laugh. I'd been encouraged not to wait for it, but to get on the fake Belgian lager. It did a job, a distant Doberman ruffed, a bairn shrieked. 'Twas time to go.
Well, I hope Part One hasn't crushed your spirit too much. Plenty of good pubs in Scotland, you just have to keep truckin' to find them. Final pub of this section .....
33. Twa Tams, Perth (Tuesday 12th September, 9pm)
Another epic real ale fail to end Part One, but at least they 'owned it' here, exactly what you'd expect from a funky music bar inhabited by mainly twentysomethings. "Slay bae, slay", "OMG, I've just thought of something. Imagine if a mouse had the head of a potato and the body of a giraffe". "OMG Aoife, you are just TOOOO RANDOM LOLZ". Yes, this was what I was up against. They turn to smile at my arrival, realise they don't know me, and turn the other cheek. Got the impression it was a bit posery, and no one was anywhere near as confident, relaxed and comfortable in their own skin as they'd have yous believe! So yeah, no ale, but I do spot a morale boosting locally brewed real cider. Shame it is dreadfully sweet, orangey, as I like my cider dry n pungent like a horsebox innards. I thought plonking Colin on the table (he's just SO RANDOM) would be perfect in these circs, but no one batted an eyelid. Not even Eilidh. In fact, this was a quirk of my entire holiday. Even when people spoke to me, Col was overlooked throughout, the poor little lad. Perth was pretty good to me on the whole as a morale boosting pub town on days I needed to get my ticking numbers up. And even here, despite everything, on my posing stool vantage point in the middle of the room, it had an intoxicating atmosphere which got under your skin. With my train a way off, I stay for a Guinness, and I'm bloody happy to do so! AND it was a refuge from the Scotland v England friendly which the locals were obvs taking VERY seriously in every other pub and bar in town, but not here cos everyone was chill.
And that concludes part one. Join me on Wednesday for Part 2, where we'll countdown from 32 - 26 as we get stuck into some of the many Wetherspoons, places that do great food I didn't try, and coastal bars I have little memory of. Betcha can't wait.
Thanks for reading, Si
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