We're approaching the business end of the countdown of my recent 40 pub holiday of Tayside and Fife. Without any further ado, let's see what's up first .....
16. Ceres Inn, Ceres (visited Wednesday 13th September, 5pm)
A bus ride from St Andrews to this village pronounced 'Series', I find a beautifully self contained wooden box roomer, the only 'customer' turns out to be the guv'nor, who leaps up to serve me, surprised to have his first punter of the day, probably. Friendly chap with an accent too strong for my York-ness (the Family Ness monster they forgot?) But we have a chuckle and the odd 'aye'. For a second consecutive pub, Deuchars is the only ale available, but this is leagues beyond the dreadful quality I'd encountered in St Andrews Whey Pat Tavern. My only concern, as the landlord continues to be engrossed in his laptop, is how I'm going to entertain myself for a full hour before the next bus arrives. Enter Martin 'Maltmeister' Alsop (not literally, that really would've been a coincidence). Breaking news! He's just received the 2024 Good Beer Guide. Wowwww, this IS early. Ye of little faith Mr Taylor! He sends me the Kingdom of Fife pages. And most of Tayside. Very revealing. First up, this really nice pub has been dropped! I give out a bitter mirthless laugh, landlord glances up, so I pretend Colin has parped. At least the Whey Splat is out too. But so is Strathkiness, my next scheduled stop. No requirement to get off there anymore, and even better, a new one in St Andrews! Well, as you can imagine, the hour suddenly flies, and when I next look up, a gaggle of jolly locals are sat around chatting to the guv'nor. I'll always remember this one!
15. Kirkstyle Inn, Dunning (visited Thursday 15th September 12:15pm)
I spy an embargo breaking pub! Can you see it? Useful to know actually, that this pub had retained its place in the '24 Guide because Maltmeister hadn't sent me the middle Tayside pages twixt Broughty Ferry - Perth so I was glad to see my efforts to bus it to this remote village weren't in vein. Was chatting to a nice lady on said bus, who pressed the bell for me and gave me a potted history of the village. With an ancient church, strange woodland, tales of hauntings and witch burnings, it was surprise that I found the atmosphere in Dunning slightly 'off kilter' (with the emphasis on 'kilt'). Attractive pub, and the initially chatty landlady seems vaguely interested in BRAPA. Timmy Taylor Landlord is their best seller, she claims, but because the pump is hidden behind a tub of banana cake, I decide the house beer Risky Kelt is slightly less risky! And it was good stuff. Two blokes in matching camoflauge are in by now, sat at the bar, giving it the big I am, speaking in riddles .... "you'd not be offended by what I want to say" one tells the barmaid, "and most of the villagers wouldn't be, but I'd still not dare say it out loud in here" he says throwing a nervous glance over his shoulder. It was that sort of place.
14. Perth Arms, Dunkeld (visited Monday 11th September 5pm)
A short walk over the river from the train station at Birnam, just south of Pitlochry, the stern matronly landlady keeps looking disapprovingly over her glasses at me as she pulls me a pint of Loch Lomond West Highland Way, and the sight of Colin the Cauliflower does little to soften her mood. Detention or a good firm smack, that's what I think my fate will be so I hide behind a tartan curtain. To be in a proper local boozer was music to my eyes after a day of dining flouncy touristness in what is undoubtedly one of the prettiest parts of Scotland I've seen so far. And I've been to Cowdenbeath! There was hi-vis after work road men, stray dog bowls for you to stand in, an old Ken dodderer with a tickly walking stick pointing me towards the Gents, a scatty coin dropper glugging his pint in three swift chugs, and a cute elderly couple who smile and say hello to me at five minute intervals. Nice pub, as long as you behave!
13. Brechin Arms, Brechin (visited Sunday 10th September 12:07pm)
"We're having a problem with the electrics so if it is beer you're after, you'll have to have a warm can or a bottle!" blasts the finest barmaid in all of Brechin city, one of life's naturals. I'd been wondering why everyone was sat in semi-darkness, ten minutes after opening time. I explain I'm after a pint of real ale, and she quickly reassures me that I'm in luck, this is the one beer they do have. After a few jokey "ya jammy bugger, har har ho, hee hee har" comments from the assembled locals, a pipsqueak lad crashes through the door to report that other pubs and business in town are similarly struggling on this Sunday lunchtime. "I'm a bag o' nerves every time that door opens and a customer walks in!" cries the barmaid, adding they have two staff who've called in sick today. "I'll have a bit of pie" says an old lady in a bid to console her and bring normality back to the pub. I was loving being part of this Dunkirk spirit, this is exactly what you want as a pub ticker. Something to connect you, entwine you into the local fibre. My beer ain't bad as I sit in the sunny window so Colin can gleam. This turned out to be my highest ranking pub which was dropped from the 2024 Guide. Sad, as I'd grown quite attached to it.
12. Moulin Inn, Moulin (visited Monday 11th September, 1:55pm)
Very much the BRAPA blueprint for how a pub interior should be, my shadow reflects in the sun off an 8.5/10 carpet, the sort of pattern you'd be quite happy to receive for Christmas as a smoking jacket. Hint, hint any generous family members reading. I'd waltzed the gauntlet from pub garden to get here, busy with lunching couples from Lewes with hairy knees and German Shepherds. But as in Stonehaven / Broughty Ferry the previous day, the sunshine means there ain't a soul inside. More fool them. Spying the same Moulin beers I'd witnessed in Blair Atholl, I launch into beer chatter with the barmaid but she isn't particularly interested or people persony, so I step down. A man, possibly her husband, possibly a chef, possibly an errant elderly Emo, flicks back his floppy hair from his eyes and says 'hey'. That was as interesting as it got, no matter how much splendour there was to bask in, it becomes boring without any human 'material' to observe. And this Moulin wasn't in the same league as my Blair Atholl liquorice bomb.
11. Bank Bar, Dundee (visited Saturday 9th September 11:55am)
I was hyped, I was pumped, I was in the mood to 'tick tick tick', like a ticking timebomb with a green Stabilo and a battered old book! Yes, my holiday (and Tayside debut) started here, just before noon, I'd been up since 6am, so I was ready for a pint and by 'eck, if every beer was going to be this good, a Wee Heavy at 3.9% tasting about 6.9% I was in for a good time. As we know, not every beer was this good. Not every barman was as cheerful as this bloke. And not every bar (and it was very much more 'bar' than 'pub' as the name suggests) would have these levels of funky bonhomie. Dundee, I recommend it, great place. Bank Bar represents it well, in so much as the general vibe was 'youthful' but you had colourful codgers knocking about, like Birthday John in his new lime green trainers. It was important to start on a high, and this place didn't disappoint.
10. Silvery Tay, Perth (visited Tuesday 12th September, 7:20pm)
With the recent revelation that Scotland were playing England in a football friendly, kick off in about ten minutes time, crossing the road past a group of lads draped in Scottish flags struggling with a 24 pack of Tennents lager, you can forgive me for being a tad nervous as I step up to this beautiful but imposing pub within spitting distance of Perth station! But despite a few TV screens hanging from the highest ceiling of the week, the place is all calm, as I buy a pint of Ossian (in much better condition that the one I had in Montrose two days previous) and nestle into an enclosed curving booth with wood panelling and snob screens. Best seat in the house! A mystery staircase goes up to the gods, and the locals are switched on and companionable. I found Perth perhaps the best place all week for quality of punters. Perhaps no surprise when a chap called John (why are they always called John?) who'd been winding up staff and locals with his perky ways, decides to perch next to me and says "not another Englishman, is everyone in here English, gah?!" He's a good lad though, and as luck would have it, used to run the GBG 2023 listed but long term closed Cyprus Inn at Bridge of Earn, and knows his ale pubs. I make the mistake of commenting that at least ENG v SCO is just a friendly. "Never a friendly against that lot, gah!" (he says 'gah' a lot) and with England looking likely to take the lead any moment, I respectfully leave now before it becomes awkward, and he directs me towards Twa Dugs.
9. Old Ship Inn, Perth (visited Monday 11th September, 7:10pm)
Rewind 24 hours from the Silvery Tay and on the Sunday night, I found myself finishing the night in another Perth classic. This one was a hazier, trippier experience, and whilst I didn't 'bond' with anyone here, the atmosphere was electric, instigated by friendly aproned staff and a bunch of bar blockers + one of those 'oh so cute' dogs (dugs?) which took all the attention away from Colin this holiday, the twoggy baaarstards! Wanted to hate the wee dug's owner, but his self awareness ("people only talk to me because of my dog, they don't actually like me") meant that I couldn't help but respect him, the bar blocking baaaarstard! With low beams, tartan benches and some telling contributions from American tourists finally pulling their weight in an indoor space, not to mention a cracking pint of Jarl, this felt like the most perfect end of night pub you could find. It is only my isolation over in the far corner which stops it being top five.
See you all tomorrow, we'll have an interlude from this countdown as I reveal my 'strategy' for the 2023/24 ticking season. They key word to remember is 'north'.
Have a good week, Si
