To those of you unfortunate souls who waded through the bad and non existent real ale of Part 1, the good news is that things are about to improve. Especially if you like Scottish Wetherspoons. This collection of pubs are more easily forgettable, but with better beer.
All eight of these earned a place in the 2024 GBG, which is great news churn wise.
32. Guildhall & Linen Exchange, Dunfermline (visited Thursday 14th September 12:33pm)
A disappointingly bland and modern feeling Wetherspoons kicks off Part Two, obviously an old building, it looked so characterful from the outside I'd half been expecting to find the Gents loos right at the top of that clock tower, wouldn't put it past Timbo. Ever been to the Hain Line in St Ives, Cornwall? Yes? You poor bastard. Not as bad as that obviously, but a similar sort of vibe. Miserable folk too, although one moment of cheer as a codger brings in a small red plastic child-sized rake. "A worker's tool actually!" he growls, when everyone takes the piss. The Autumn Leaves is drinking leagues better than any pint we suffered in Part One, and at £2.05 with a Mudgie Voucher, I was finally winning. But I was about to take a bus to Limekilns, so obviously not winning for long.
31. Jolly's Hotel, Broughty Ferry (visited Saturday 9th September, 5:30pm)
Broughty Ferry was my surprise package of the holiday, a cute self-contained fishing village overlooking the Tay, with four GBG pubs, which I did in two lots of two. This late summer Saturday afternoon was predictably busy, my sixth and final tick means it is probably more circumstance than actual quality which has this place this low in my league table. But I don't think that fuzzy red and black carpet is in the true spirit of 'Spoons usual standards. "Ye can't do much better than £2.05 a pint!" says the cheeky young bar chappie as I hand over a Mudgie Voucher. I'd gone for the Fraoch Heather Ale, I used to try and convince myself I liked this in bottles back in my formative 2002 days of real ale discovery, but flippin' eck it is a tough drink, increasingly sweet and medicinal as it goes down. Twenty more years til my next. A toddler must be on it too because a bloke suddenly picks him up and burps Broughty's boy child. There wasn't much in the way of decent seating free, or air conditioning, even with the double doors open, so I labour through to pint conclusion and make my way 'home' to Dundee.
30. Dreel Tavern, Anstruther (visited Wednesday 13th September 1:30pm)
"Food there is amazing", "You tried the food?" , "Top scran!", "You eatin' while you're there?" "Scranstruther LOL" ....
Okayyyy X/Twitter, I get the picture, this place does amazing food, you can't all be wrong! But a second perfectly conditioned pint of 'Heavy Lifting' by Dundee's 71 Brewery, situated close to my little holiday home, was a meal in itself. More so than Guinness. "Do you want to drink it outside?" the smartly dressed staff ask, nodding at the same time in an attempt at mind control, despite the arctic wind coming in off the coast. "No ta, got a bit chilly out there today" I reply, leaving them crestfallen. This was no pub. I'm a square peg in a crab shaped hole. Reminds me of those poshos east of Edinburgh, e.g. Gullane. Every edge and surface was narrow, harsh and jagged. Felt like I had to announce myself with a cough when I got up to go to the loo. The 90's grunge playing in the background was delightfully incongruous. From behind the leafy trellis, a group of codgers are ordering pudding. "Do you have custard?" "I'm afraid we don't". "OLD PEOPLE LIKE CUSTARD". It was a contender for quote of the week, in the unlikeliest setting. Even more galling, six hours later, having escaped this hard to reach around the rim coastal village, I discovered it had a new tick in the 2024 GBG, on the same street. Life of the ticker eh?!
29. Capital Asset, Perth (visited Monday 11th September, 6:30pm)
Snazzy scooter action kicks off my third 'Spoons of this blog. Nothing wrong with this place, scatty and disjointed joy. One of those classic scenes, a tropical fly has already tried to bite me, when a young tracksuited couple are trying to feed themselves whilst their baby chucks toys and throws arms, yoghurt gets spilled, a staff member notices a curry bringing colleague nearly slip in it, so rushes over with one of those yellow cones and a mop, then an old man on his way to the coffee refill station nearly skids in the slipstream, the Mum makes a jokey comment despite a mouth full of pasta, and the old bloke says 'coochie coochie coo' to the wee bairn, which impresses Daddy enough into making sure his Stone Island badge is in view, as he pulls his hoodie up over his tattooed neck, gets a third Carling, and the staff member, mopping completed, shouts "ALL CLEAR" like a pro paramedic, and removes the cone, and life goes on.
28. Counting House, Dundee (visited September 9th September, 12:30pm)
Second pub of the holiday, and I was still buzzing regarding my Tayside debut as I photograph this giant former Royal Bank of Scotland (not as good as Clydesdale / Virgin Money). An old couple look at me like 'there are prettier things to admire in Dundee ya know'. A bit like Perth's Capital Ass. , it was a bit disjointed, I didn't like the bar set up where you sort of get pinned against these grand old pillars, all width, no depth, and the staff were well tardy which didnae help. Not sure Orkney Dark Island is supposed to taste like Titanic Plum Porter, but I wasnae complaining. Wonder if it had been on previously? Some Dunfermline fitba yoofs burp and find it amusing. A little girl loses her Grandad. An old dude growls 'Leeeeeds' which is uncalled for. And the vast amount of sticky plates and dirty coffee cups around me suggest this place had been a scream an hour earlier.
27. Ship Inn, Stonehaven (visited Sunday 10th September, 3pm)
Stonehaven felt like Broughty Ferry's more showy rival, a nice town but less discerning. Home of the deep fried Mars Bar too, said this chippie with a ridiculously long queue as a result. This was the second of my two GBG ticks here (the third was now a private B&B) and it can count itself lucky to rank as highly as 27th considering my Stewart's 'Summer Citra' was pretty pants, I described it as tasting like 'Rotherham bogs' at the time. Chaos outside, nice and quiet indoors, traditional bench seating, an entertaining amusing place to perch in the corner with a pint. So many amusing 'Mercians sidling up to the bar with bizarre requests, epic BRAPA fail as I didn't record of any of them, but it turns out it was the U.S. tourists sat outside on the jagged wall drinking out of polycarbonates because they ain't allowed to do so at home - has to be patio or enclosed space, I'm reliable informed!
26. Fisherman's Tavern, Broughty Ferry (visited Saturday 9th September, 4:30pm)
"An absolute classic of the ages!" "What a cracker" "Top pubbing you lucky bugger" chirruped X/Twitter as though I'd entered the McRedLion at McSnargate. Errrm, what was I missing? Am I even in the right building? Let's just say my ale choice, 'Charisma' was an ironic name, as this pub was missing it. It is a well kept pint #SavingGrace. Barmaid had a nice Irish voice, but it was probably Scottish. Busier at the front (the pub, not the barmaid), so perhaps it had some Grade II listed features, amazing locals and quirky happenings that I'd missed in my miserable back room, by a rattling door. Warm and stuffy. Menus, knifes and forks, plasma and gloom. Finally, a decision is taken, the door is propped open and I can BREATHE. I peer out in hope of a nice beer garden, or at least a bench. No, just a view of concrete and a pissy skip. But possibly Grade II listed one.
25. Aikmans Bar-Bistro, St Andrews (visited Wednesday 13th September, 7pm)
Wednesday evening saw BRAPA at its most febrile. Two hours previously, pub hero Maltmeister revealed in the Pub Tickers WhatsApp chat that he was the first to receive a copy of the brand spanking new Iron Maiden clad 2024 edition. I put in an immediate request for the Kingdom of Fife pages and he obliged within seconds. Perfect! But what was this? The page was chopped off at the top of St Andrews and I couldn't see the name of the pub or address! Knew it came before 'Criterion' alphabetically. I could squint at the text though, and in an amazing stroke of luck, 'Aikmans' is mentioned in the description too. 'Between North and South Street'. I do a quick Google Maps. Yep, it checks out. High octane. I quite like the place itself, inhabited by a mostly 18-21 year old student crowd, a few lecturers mingle. St Andrews innit? These lot or 70 year old prostate golfers. Barman obviously hasn't pulled a pint of cask ale before. Half a pint of froth. I ask for a top up. He looks at me like I'm demanding the earth. A colleague swipes it off him and tops me up to the line. A barrel blended dark, tasting of whisky but somehow only 4.5% Ooosh, gorgeous stuff! A Colin kinda place. Surprisingly little happens after that, but on a basement trip to the loo, I discover a hidden dungeon with a load of kids playing Warcraft. Standard.
And there we go, another 8 bite the dust. Join me Friday as we countdown from 24 - 17. I vaguely enjoy this next bunch.
Si
Glad to see Colin looking so contented in the last photo; what's the longest he's been away from you ?
The Fisherman's Tavern was in the first 25 editions of the Guide. It WAS a classic before Greene King did a job on it, and that shows the problem I have with people who think they know pubs (including us) expressing opinions on pubs they visited once, 5 or 25 years ago. Yes, the Star in Glossop (this week's discussion on Discourse) seemed a great pub with good beer when I visited a decade ago, but only local CAMRA folk who visit regularly can say the beer in Glossop Spoons is a little better. Or consistent.