BRAPA KNOCKOUT - AXHOLME, DONNY & WARWICKSHIRE TROPHY (PART 2/2 : WE HAVE A WINNER)

So, after the exciting first part in which the Ferry House at Burton-upon-Stather and the Coach & Horses at Barnburgh made the semi finals, it is time to see who joins them.

Then it will be on to the semi final draw, who will win them, and then who will win the overall final played in a field on the side of the A15. Or Glanford Park. You can decide.

Crown Inn (Belton) v Anker Inn (Nuneaton)

The two blokes on the left say 'ey up', and it set the scene for one of Saturday's strongest pubs, welcome to the Crown Inn, Belton. Our chum Christine is already waiting patiently for us in the corner, and the rest of the pub is transfixed by Six Nations Rugby. I can safely say that in all of BRAPA's nine year history, I have never seen anyone paying attention to the made-up sport that is Rugby Union this far north. However, I've long since suspected that the majority of Lincs is more 'southern' than 'northern', but I'd assumed you'd have to get south of Snitterby to invoke the posh egg chasing clause . "You're all 'eroes!" squawked the embarrassing Lincoln City chairman in the southernest accent ever (and I grew up in Saffron Walden) back in 2002 when they beat us as they always did. Christine and Dad want an Oakham Citra, I'd failed to see it lurking around the corner, and had peaked too early and gone 'Frotheringham Best' but luckily, this is a fine bitter. The army of young female staff are brilliant, so sparky, smiley and switched on, vindicating my earlier decision to be slightly critical of what we encountered in Barnburgh. Locals are spot on too, for when I whisper to Dad and Christine "I wonder where the loos are", they all shout over and point me in the right direction. A strong boozer.

I can tell you about a less strong boozer down in Nuneaton, the Anker Inn. It looked like a shabby roadside keg only Sky Sports pub, EXACTLY the type you want to love because they are a GBG novelty. After all, the barmaid was great, Dad had a good long chat whilst I located the loos (something I spend approximately 5.8% of my pub life doing - that is a BRAPA fact). We'd heard about the quality of their legendary Theakston's Old Peculiar. A beer I love. But this varietal didn't convince! And neither did Dad's half of Doom Bar, perhaps less surprisingly you might say you utter beer snob. But it had a tang. And where was the other regular ale of theirs, another BRAPA fave, Ossett White Rat? "Not back until the summer!" she tells Dad. Well wipe it off your 200 blackboards then! The whole place felt more down on its knees than Rose West confronted with a young West Indian gentleman, and their unintentionally hilarious 'our beer prices going up because beer prices are going up' sign didn't change that! The pub briefly came to life when Mo Salah skied a dodgy penalty, and two blokes ran across the pub cheering, but vanished into a wall. Descendants of the ghost of Lord Hop?

Oscar Peculiar

I'm going to stick my neck out here and give the Crown a (+2) weighted vote here. It was that much better. But let's see what the dice says ..... 4-4. So overall .....

Crown Inn (Belton) 6-4 Anker Inn (Nuneaton). Ten goal thriller. We'll see the Crown in the semi's.

But now it is time for the final quarter final. Live on SiSports TV.

King's Arms (Haxey) v Terminus (Conisbrough)

'Mind the falling 'E' guys!' The King's Arms at Haxey was symptomatic of 2023 GBG entries - by which I mean 'giving the unfashionable rarely selected stuff a chance for the first time in decades' , which I think was cause of my large 'churn', after all I'm still very much a junior in ticker terms. NOT that I'm making excuses or anything. A better GBG statistician than me (he's called Jim Brunt) will tell you that this pub last appeared back in 2001. I liked it. In a wholly unremarkable way. A carpet nicked straight outta 'Spoons. The guv'nor cannot stop giggling as we wander in and order a pint of the only ale on, Pheasantry PA. I'm not a huge Pheasantry fan but this was a very pleasant pheasant. And so is the pleasant fuckers son. Probably. Landlord is still giggling! Is the ghost of Ken Dodd down there with a tickling stick? What a jolly chap. We sit 'neath the atmospheric blue gloam of Soccer Saturday and watch Hull City make zero progress in their quest to beat Reading. Oscar's been subbed off. I knew Colin or Naughty Little Cousin Pumpy would've been a more suitable mascot for today. Oh well, another tricky Lincs pub ticked off. Daddy BRAPA is legend.

Conisbrough's Terminus gave me the friendliest welcome in a pub in 2023 to date, as every single local turns to welcome us with 'ey ups' and 'now then pals'. Norfolk just couldn't. The staff are just as good. 'Where have we come from, what are we doing?' this was peak Blind Date Cilla. Lovely people. Wishbone are a fine brewery aren't they? And my throat was killin'. Man-flu incoming. A silky stout by them was just the ticket. But hang on, end of barrel. She gives us them for free! "But we 'might' not be staying for another" says Daddy BRAPA, invoking BRAPA rule 13.1.b But they don't mind. And guess what? It is brilliant quality. Norwich top of barrel stuff just couldn't. I then set off the QI incorrect answer klaxons by incorrectly identifying Conisbrough's First World War heroes mural as extras from Peaky Blinders. People keep chatting. The couple in charge are off on a York pub crawl soon. Hope they had fun. Their cute loo is vaguely based on the one in Lendal's House of the Trembling Madness. Thankfully without the weird medical skeletons and giant muff photo. Fun fact. Great experience this. Oh, and for added joy, this was my final South Yorkshire tick of 2023. Only my second county completion after Edinburgh & the Lothians. And if I could be arsed to go to Castleford or Driffield, it could easily be four. Norfolk? It just couldn't.

(+1) to the Terminus on the weighted vote for this one. I almost went (+2) but you can't really criticise Haxey, it did nowt wrong.

But what does the dice say ............. 2-6! So overall .....

King's Arms (Haxey) 2-7 Terminus (Conisbrough) - an away thumping! Bit harsh but the right team certainly made the semi's.

And now to finish this odd little two part blog experiment with the semi's and final.

Semi final draw

Performed 'live' at 20:45 on Wednesday 22nd March 2023 for total authenticity ......

I'm not revisiting the pubs - although I would if I'd ticked the entire GBG. (Just saying, Martin - little idea for you there).

No 'weighted' point in the first fixture, I preferred the Crown but only a little bit ......

Crown Inn (Belton) 5-1 Coach & Horses (Barnburgh)

Oh wow, well a bit harsh but I'm kinda glad to see Crown in final.

Right, I'm giving Terminus a (+1) weighted vote, they were so nice and that Macedonian dog upset me.

Terminus (Conisbrough) 6-2 Ferry House Inn, Burton-upon-Stather

Well, there you have it, the weighted point made no difference.

Final (live from side of A15 / Glanford Park - delete as appropriate) Draw done 20:51.

Miquita, Miquita, give us a wave

Crown Inn (Belton) v Terminus (Conisbrough).

No weighted point, here we go, deciding dice roll ......

5-2 to Crown Inn, Belton. We have a winner! I'd have been happy to see either of them win, but wild scenes of jubilation on the side of the A15 / Glanford Park, not far from their home. All back to the Crown for a pint of Citra and Frotheringham Best.

9pm, time for a very late tea. See you in a Notts pub tomorrow on Twitter.

Si