Grand finale time, so let's take a look at the seven pubs which most impressed me on what overall was a very impressive showcasing of Leics pubs .........
7. Queen's Head, Hinckley
My jaw drops to the floor and I emit a strange gargling breathless 'wowww' on entering this contender for prettiest pub I've been to in 2024 so far. The stained glass shimmering off the tiled floor is my main memory. "First time in here I take it?" says barmaid. "Must be an amazing place to work!" I remark. No answer. Work is work I guess. I'm the first customer in, and have been camped out in the VERY average Black Horse next door due to opening hour shoddiness. Their Facebook said 2pm, Google said 4pm. Unlike in Market Harborough's Admiral Nelson, Google was the correct source here. I ask her if she realises tomorrow is National Bass Day. She's glad to hear it. I then contrarily choose Abbeydale Moonshine. It is the poorest quality pint I have in Leics all week. 'Avoid Bass, get banged' as the kids say. I'm surprised we don't chat more, in fact I'm surprised the Black Horse is busier than here. But for these few negative points, I think this would be my #1. Because you won't find many more stunning interiors than this in the entire UK pub scene.
6. Real Ale Classroom, Leicester
My Easter pub ticking quest began with a bang, or at least a cane coming down stingingly onto my pink bum cheeks at the best of three school themed micropubs in the area. Out in the Stoneygate district, I'll remember this pub because it took me an eternity to choose a beer! In the dim mood lighting, they are listed on a fuzzy roll-up chalkboard and if squinting at them isn't hard enough, the barmaid tells me those with an 'x' against them are off! Furthermore, I don't know whether the jolly blokes are genuinely trying to be helpful or being plain mischievous, but they keep jiggling the thing up and down, one man even making live edits! 'Keep it still man!' I implore, before picking an ale that's gone off. If this was an exam, I've received a massive red 'F'. In the backroom, pint of murk finally in hand, I have to wait for a try-hard yoof to bugger off before Colin attracts the attention of two former schoolmasters, Mr Pink Jumper with Salmon Corduroys may've got dressed in the dark, but he confidently predicts I won't do many better pubs in Leicester, and he is right, it has a surprisingly lived-in companionable feel for one (presumably) so young.
5. Shilton Vaults, Earl Shilton
Exciting but very pongy classy micro, the nooks, crannies and Easter bunny warren of distinct drinking areas make it feel like a Real Ale Classroom but with a touch more depth and character. Everyone is aboard HMS Bass, the cheese & onion cobs are flying off, it seems the Earl Shitters (official name for the locals) are determined to make the most of Good Friday in the best way. Sadly, the lack of space means I'm forced to retreat to the furthest back room, sharing with a beige couple who have an lack lustre baby (poor performance from the lad). On the plus side, this is the best quality Bass I've had all year, and I've been getting through the stuff I tell thee. Sister pub to the frustrating Pestle & Mortar in Hinckley which I visited last year, where Bass was similarly THE drink, and if it really was the same lady who served me today, she had significantly less to say for herself than in the Pest! Reckon this place could've been top #3 if I'd got a seat in the main bar chatting to some random.
4. Rock Cafe & Bar, Coalville
My 'emotional' Coalville debut (although it felt more like the arse end of Whitwick) was a roaring success, and we must thank our mates sat by the door - Darren, the crazy long haired dude, and turtleneck Dave, bit more down to earth and reminiscent of my Uncle Rod, for welcoming me into this immersive bosom of a modern jewel in the crown. One of those which reassures you that the future of pubs is bright if stuff like this opens up with some sort of regularity. As at Shilton Vaults, I'm served by a bar staffer I recognise, from a much inferior micro in Loughborough, and he assures me the Treacle Pudding Stout isn't sickly sweet, which when you drink pint measures as is the BRAPA rule (#NoOtherTicker), you can imagine might be a problem! He's correct and I finally get 'Cheese & Onion Cob Redemption' (incidentally the name of my difficult DIY hardcore second album) with a whopper that's bigger than Colin's big fat heid. Steve off Twitter reckons it doesn't have enough onion in! #PrayForStevesBreath - only the Old Transporter in Henlow produced chunkier onion in BRAPA memory, and that was just unpleasant. Takes me until 9pm in my hotel room until I've finally eaten the damn thing! Had to temporarily detach my jaw like a snake to force it down.
That IS a pint (for perspective) Darren, Darren give us a green! 3. George & Dragon, Stoke Golding
No more pleasing sight in the land than a village pub and church close together, singing in harmony on a sunny Good Friday lunchtime, bells pealing, birds twittering, and it is here in Stokey G where I reached my peak 'moment of contentment' for the week. A bus fail an hour earlier made it even sweeter, as I was starting to think they weren't running today. Church End are the brewery, 'I'm so western, I'm practically Warwicks'. Pint of mild too, a rare sighting in 2024 so far, but it appeared to open the floodgates as I've seen a fair bit of it since. Swell stuff, I dig that groovy grave (it is called Gravediggers if you wondered). Such a homely unspoilt pub, staff are excellent, I feel like an old friend of the main man, and pinch the prime spot in the house, half behind the door, far end, decent sized table, looking out into the main bar room. Carpet an austere yet playful 8/10. If Carlsberg did pubs, they'd be shite, but Church End is a different story.
2. Three Horseshoes, Whitwick
Never before have I seen a pub decked out for St Paddy's Day, Easter and Christmas simultaneously! But that's the kind of place it is, quirky off-beat, like a celebration of pubbing that should come with a 'mild peril' warning, as you don't quite know who's going to approach you and say something funny next. The most 100% hardcore pub of the holiday, and fabulous outdoor loos were no surprise. "Do you know it is National Bass day?" I ask the landlord, ordering a pint of the good stuff. Determined to spread the Wickingman work. In fact, this reminds me very much of my trip to Walton on the Wolds Anchor a year ago this Easter Saturday - but this place is marginally better, and that's no mean feat, National Inventory too I'm told and a living breathing one, which isn't always a guarantee. Old spivvy bloke at bar looks desperate to chat, but he's struggling to open his mouth, so I leave before he gets the chance!
1. Unicorn, Lutterworth
To understand why I've rated this place top it is important to understand what a nightmarish day I'd had so far on the Thursday out Market Harborough way. An unexpectedly shut pub at the Admiral Nelson, torrential rain, lack of public transport, until I eventually decamped at Cafe Nero for 2 hrs plotting my next move! When I finally decided to bite the Lutterworth bullet, I was aware that this was the only of three pubs open before 4pm, it is only just gone 2:15pm so it had to (in a sense) do a lot of heavy lifting! It lifted with ease, think Geoff Capes with a malnourished kitten. Street corner codgery perfection. Mobility Scooter is the first sign of prospective joy. Joint best Bass this week was second. A homely loungey feel hits me hard. Abysmal carpet, but for once I can gloss over that! Colin is an immediate hit. They didn't chant 'he's one of our own, he's one of our owwwwn, Col the Cauli, he's one of our own' but they may as well of done. I take the seat recently vacated by mobility man, he's been on the Bass too. I know this because the East End char lady (feeling guilty about going out for a smoke, but not enough to stop herself) and Howard the friendly Welshman say he's set off down the middle of the road like a madman 'law unto himself!' Because of the pub opening times, I HAVE to stay for a second. Good 'where is spring?' weather chat (still waiting at the time of writing), Leicester City press conference, and a weirdly attired scowler keep me entertained in the second half. Someone puts Midge Ure 'If I Was' on - forgot that song existed! I can't think of a pub this week I'd have rather loiter in so in this respect it has all worked out rather well, and after THAT morning, I deserved a bit of luck.
So all in all, a very jolly time was had in Leicestershire. New found respect for the county. Only four to do. Not in any rush, in fact it might not be until 2026 that I have another crack at it, but I'll approach it with more optimism than I would've done pre-Easter.
See you on Wednesday for something more Glamorgan shaped, we'll try and make an FA Cup style competition out of it.
Keep it pub, Si
