Let us get into some decent pub experiences ......
17. Nonsuch Inn, Cheam
I think pub staff underestimate the power of including the lone drinker in a random snippet of chat. But it elevates this solid but fairly non descript Wetherspoons right up the rankings. I'm in the midst of having my Notorious P.I.G. (RIP Mr Smalls) pulled when the two waif-like lasses behind the bar suddenly involve me in their conversation. A hallowe'en party is forthcoming, one wants it to be 'Shaun of the Dead' themed. But none of her mates have even heard of the film. And neither has the other barmaid. She's fuming! Noting my age demographic, she asks for my support. I agree it is a disgrace, adding it is a classic and I've watched it three times. "I've seen it about 40 times!" she replies. Bit excessive ya mad bint, I'm now thinking, but I don't tell her that. I'm here at the right time of day, sleepy rain early weekday afternoon, codgers abound, most wield reusable carrier bags and zimmers. Mild peril as I ascend to the loos realising I've left my phone on the table in full view, so it is a speedy pee and handwash. And it is still there when I return - trustworthy bunch in North Cheam.
16.Anglers, Teddington
BRAPA admin error alert! Every countdown must have one. Anglers is the lucky beneficiary this time. Should've finished in the early 20's. Did quite well for me despite its limitations. Huge improvement on last year's Teddington disgrace the Abercorn Arms (how do you get White Rat so wrong?) Walked from Hampton Wick where I'd say goodbye to my old mate John, who'd been walking too slowly due to a leg injury, so it was nice to break the shackles and stride out to here! Confusing entrance, too much decking, too many doors. But friendly, well kept random guest which somehow isn't Fullers, a cute bubbly fire and a nicely designed charity bookcase. I'd go to better Fullers houses this week, but with conversation centred mainly around fishing (understandable) and ice cubes (less understandable), quite a serene atmosphere for one so clompy and waterside.
15.Sir Michael Balcon, Ealing
Passed this on a bus back in my BRAPA debut year 2014 and thought "I bet I end up needing to go there, maybe I should just jump off now and get it done!" but then I'd have missed our 1-0 win at QPR and we wouldn't want that, would we? Impressive 'Spoons, carpet of the week easily a 9. And proper growly old London lads, bet they've robbed a few Hatton Garden safes in their time. And I'm quite enjoying this seasonal choc orange effort from GK & Nethergate. Blood Hound! Woof. "What language do you speak?" asks the suave Ted Hastings / Ken Barlow chap. "Plain old English" I reply. "Oh apologies, I thought you were Latino or Spanish!" he replies! Not as random as it sounds ... the previous week an Everton fan in York's Swan asked if I was descended from Hull's Italian community due to my 'dark eyes'. Hull had an Italian community? I can only trace my ancestry back to Middlesbrough. How depressing is that?
14.Telegraph, Putney Heath
I'm about 90% sure this was a Brunning & Price, not that anyone was admitting it, but from the leafy location to the Christmas beg to the handsome rugs, it tasted of one. And I'm about 70% sure I was attending my third accidental wake of the new GBG season. Everyone was dressed in black. But unlike Wych Elm and Sitwell Golf Club, this was a smiley inclusive bunch. Eclectic crowd too, and a lot of them. The bar blocking we can forgive for once. Grieving AND waiting for sandwiches. Seven successive platters are wheeled out a few minutes later and they all move to the left. One bloke who arrives pulls out a little leather bound book he's had made up. Modern photo of a young lad on front. All seemed very tragic, but the instruction definitely seems to have been 'celebration of life' which is good cos I sometimes think wakes are losing their true meaning. Nevertheless, Colin is staying in bag for this one. He's a sensitive Cauli. Credit to all involved. Bruning, Price and the gang. These situations are never easy, but proof here that they can be managed to avoid Altarnun / Kingston levels of Cringe & Misery (who incidentally, could be the name of a new pub company).
13.Viaduct Tavern, Smithfield
This is what I love about Central London pub ticking. Not a part of the world that needs Micropubs to give us a good time. Year after year, it effortless pulls out a couple of 'classics' out of the bag which I've never heard of despite presumably being super-famous if you know your London. This one is a GBG debutant can you believe? Ceiling, walls, curvature, this former Victorian gin palace was a delight to my eyes! ESB made sense, it always does - I'd tried to form the words "London Pride" or even "Oliver's Island" but "ESB" spews out like an involuntary spasm, beery Tourette's. Onto the gripes that prevent it being top ten. Transient touristy crowd, inevitable I guess, but doesn't do much for the atmosphere. Victim of its beauty and location? And it was COLD. Hull's Ship Inn on a Tuesday night levels of brrrr. Perhaps here we can blame the ghosts? Built on the site of the old Newgate Prison - though I receive no response when I go the full Yvette Fielding in the loos and ask Fred if he can 'give me a sign' i.e. turn on the hand dryer. He doesn't, miseryguts.
12.Sun of Camberwell, Camberwell
BRAPA loves an redemption arc, and I was expecting SO little when I walked into this sticky chaotic yoof hole late on the Tuesday night - a rare foray into SE London this week, but Loughborough Junction is on the train line to Sutton where my digs were, so it made a lot of sense. Plus I was experiencing one of those rare days where I could just keep going, ended up on eight pints and felt quite sober. Once or twice a year that happens! Quiz night. Place is rammed. Everyone is in their mid twenties to early thirties . The quiz host is one of those theatrical types, bit like the ones we get in York but without the element of gobshite attention seeking. This is the kinda place you plonk a lightweight Ribena drinking Colin the Cauliflower in the middle of the pub and end up fitting in MORE! The Tim Taylor Landlord drinks like a dream. I had NOT been expecting that. Everyone is so nice. Said it before, I'll say it again, general lazy rule but last five years of BRAPA has taught me that the younger generations (20's & 30's) are wayyy nicer people than my generation and beyond. I get invested in the quiz so much, our host catches me feeling my skin to see where it is thinnest (answer - eyelids - forgot to feel them!) and announces it to pub, not that anyone cared! All round feel good cheeky experience.
11.Commerical, Herne Hill
Earlier that same evening, what my friend Steve H would call a 'tonal shift' directly opposite Herne Hill station, where I find the pub equivalent of a warm mug of Horlicks. Soothing, low lit, a malty purrina of a pub. Rouge walls, the snooty SE London clientele fading into insignificance with each passing sup, tinkly and glitzy. As so often happens down south, the sight of Harvey's Sussex Best in 86.6% of all pubs has finally worn me down. 'I'm going for it!' I announce to the barmaid as if she is familiar with my bowel history circa 2014-present. I'm scanning the pub for the door marked 'Gents' as a pre-cautionary measure. Beer looked an absolute mess, grim swirly scum floating on top, flat as a witch's pancake. You can't tell me sparklers aren't preferable on pints, and I wor brought up in Saffron Walden so I'm not one of those George Whitbread's who say what I like and like what I bloody well say! So what a revelation to find that this my BEST pint of Sussex B. since ... checks BRAPA notes ..... 11th July 2020 at the King's Arms in Borough. Enjoyed in a pretty ornate pub if you keep your chin raised and eyes high.
10.Park Tavern, Kingston
My favourite approach and one of the top pub interiors of the week, only a lame pint stops this pub from guaranteeing a top three finish and Champions League football next season. Look at that lovely hedged entrance. Down the most unassuming of side streets, echoes of my favourite York Sam Smith's, the Wellington. You'd not stumble upon this one by chance, you'd have to come looking. I've sped ahead of my ole' mate John whose dodgy leg is slowing him down, I need a wee as usual. There's a bunch of surly bar blockers when I arrive, but John's arrival breaks any tension when he announces "don't worry about me Si, I've seen the defib outside, I'll be okay!" in his cute southern accent, which gets a good laugh, and feels like the permission I need to ask where the loos are! I can't quite relax though as a slavering mutt has noticed Colin, and is eyeing up our unsuspecting Cauli. The decor is mainly geese and ducks. Don't ask me why. But what a gem.
Dude above nods and winks with a European flourish, and lets me go inside first. Tucked away location, felt a bit Canary Wharish, but I was impressed with my mini-Wandsworth crawl, only let down my the people who were more detached and distant than I found in other areas this week. Named after a #PubCat that pissed off but came back, this gem of a pub is very atmospheric with low lighting, a fire bubbling in the grate and a tobacco and red colour scheme. A few tourists take a momentary pause for their forced pseudy conversation to 'split the G', surely they are old enough to know better, this is becoming an epidemic now, I thought it only happened in Carlisle up 'til recently! Sussex Best is the only ale on but at least this gave me an excuse to find the loos, which led me to explore this multi-levelled building - and would've been fascinating had most of the doors not been locked. But as I sunk back down into my leather sofa feeling secure and 'together', I really wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else .... for 27.5 minutes anyway.
Join me on Wednesday, when we will countdown the top eight. How very exciting.
Have a good week, Si
I'll say it again, general lazy rule but last five years of BRAPA has taught me that the younger generations (20's & 30's) are wayyy nicer people than my generation and beyond.
Spot on. Well said Si.