BRAPA .... LONDON COUNTDOWN : PART 4/4 (Pubs 8-1) : God Loves a Cryer
Here we go, my favourite 8 pubs in London out of the 33 I visited early this month. Confident you'd enjoy a trip to all of these .......
8.Cryer Arts Centre, Carshalton
On their Google entry, Tim Vine is posing with some Cryer Arts bloke so I'm fully expecting to see him at the bar, where Colin will tell him that Whittle was a very underrated Ch.5 quiz show and he'd better bring it back ASAP. So I'm quite sad that he isn't propping up the bar. That might be Sara Pascoe having a drink with James May, but it seems unlikely, and on further inspection, not even sure they were actually humans. This Skylark Stout is amazing. One gripe this week would the lack of dark beers. Or beers which weren't Harvey's Sussex Best or Timmy T. Landlord to be honest! But I love a club you can just waltz straight in to, no questions asked, Autumnal tones, ambient temperature and the early evening warm hug of an atmosphere convinced me I was in quality venue.
7.Spread Eagle, Wandsworth
This glitzy Young's stonker was the perfect place to end a wet 'n wild Wandsworth Sunday night. It suffers slightly from the inevitable 'winding down, everyone departing, staff elbows chewing the fat on polished wooden surfaces', but if you are going to drink in a near deserted cavernous booze hole, it may as well be in etched glass, saloony, snob screened opulence. Bit disappointed to find the Young's Special only 4.5%, pretty sure it was double this when BRAPA started back in 1714, but then I reminded myself I was feeling gently pissed, and history tells me gently pissed can lead to 'no memory of who or where I am' within 25 minutes, so I supped up and tried to stay focused.
6.Cockpit, Blackfriars
I'll admit I walked here from the Viaduct Tavern at Smithfield saying to Col 'we won't improve on that lad' but once I saw the shape of the pub, I was encouraged. I had a wobble when I saw a sign in the entrance saying anyone with soiled clothing wouldn't be served - but no I'm not going to do my 23rd Sussex Best 'joke' of this series cos I need to change the record. Once in the main bar, a distinctly unfussy pub aura ensues. Coincidence that it had attracted an exclusively north eastern crowd? (judging by the accents) One canny lass is fuming because she has to ascend steep stairs to the loo, when the Gents are down below! Karma for announcing only minutes earlier that she thinks Mr Brightside is a great song. She was roundly jeered and lucky not to be fined & arrested. All that let this trad boozer down was beer quality. Proper Job can be great, but this one chose not to be. Not dreadful, but not GBG standard, which helps explain why such a beautiful pub is making only its first GBG appearance since 2011.
5.Railway, Cheam
Life-affirming tick of the week contender, again there was something peculiarly 'northern' about the belts 'n braces bonkersness of this local - and I've not been to enough London pubs where I could hand on heart cite a bona-fide 'local' atmosphere. I knew that from the moment that I crossed the road having taking this photo and our bald hero says something presumably witty in a language, Cheamese(?) which my York brain can't quite process, so I laugh with gay abandon. Hope he wasn't telling me his Mother had died, but this is the risk us pub tickers have to take. Like the Cockpit, the beer is the only reason it isn't in the conversation for a top three finish. Lacings suggest well kept, but oh so watery. Pub or beer issue? Untwappd (well Mick Citra #PubMan) suggests it should be a zingy flavourful one. Oh, breaking news, it is no longer in production already! I certainly didn't Wantsum more. (Thanks). Everyone's watching vintage Blockbusters early on, cheering on Bob Holness like he's Buffalo Saka on a mazy run for England in a World Cup qualifier. Then, a quirky couple spy my GBG and ask if they can sit with me because they are originally from Scunthorpe so are a little bit accidentally insane, and when they moved down here on their motorbikes in the 70's, they ticked every Young's pub and got a prize so BRAPA appeals to them. Lovely people, cherry on cake of super pub experience.
"Mick Citra said whaaaat?"
4.Prince of Wales, Clapham
Totally disarmed by the POW's charms, and the reason for that is that every pub I've visited in Clapham up to this point in my life had been pedestrian at best. I'm feeling the beer today so I'm rather slow to react to what I'm witnessing. A red fuzzy dimpsy gloam hangs heavily throughout this dimly lit classic, a funky nautical ghost train if you forced Drunk Si to describe it. Dead pirate-tastic. Sunderland Saltgrass in its heyday? Blue Peter Polperro if I'm being ultra generous. All sorts of knick-knacks hanging off the ceiling. Purring I was. Topped off by service with a smile by Topanga from Boy Meets World, or Danielle Thingy to give her her full name. Oh, and one of those rare beasts .... an A* Tim Taylor Landlord in That London. If they all tasted like this, you'd love it as much as your Vault City Banana Sour Custard Smoothie you bloody beer snob. Incredible scenes. Just a shame I was sat in an area of the pub where no one came anywhere near for the duration of my 27.5 minute visit. Strong bladders this lot. Not a GBG regular? You're having a laugh!
Not Topanga
Man superglues hand to side of head to guarantee BRAPA anonymity
3.West London Trades Union Club, Acton
6:59pm on my final night in London .... I'm waiting. Then ... all at once ... Lights, CAMRA, Acton! By gum, this tick had been a long time coming. Reason is the astonishingly cruel hours. 7-11pm daily, excluding Saturday, the one day you think you might be able to sneak it in before the train home after you've mauled QPR or been taught a footballing lesson by Keane Lewis Otter and Brentford. Yep, my entire final day was geared towards being here at this time. And like Questors 'Heard it On the' Grapevine in Sexual Ealing last time I was down here midweek, it didn't let me down. Not your stereotypical GBG club atmosphere, more intimate than that. More like a Grade II Heritage inn you'd find tucked away in Cumbria. If there are any left. Grannies front room. A local Twxtter follower was due to meet me but he got waylaid counting votes for an election no one knew was happening. I needn't have worried. Mine host Colyer (never met a Colyer before, or a collier come to think of it, only a collie dog, and our Colin of course) is first to greet me. Well I don't end up leaving the bar area for the duration of my stay. How often does that happen in London pub ticking? Close to never. Things improve even more when this gorgeous couple pop up, proper interested in BRAPA and she's from the Germany/Denmark order to add a bit of cosmopolitan pzazz. She's not the only one. A guy who I think must be African comes in to thank the club for being so kind to him last time /helping him out. Germ/Dane lady and him start chattering in a foreign tongue and expect me to join in! All this and the Leatherbritches (random choice) is drinking exceedingly well. Stand out experience, and when the Elizabeth Line goes wrong once I've left, a nice Sudanese man drinking Buckfast out of a paper bag helps me find my way to civilisation (and then Sutton)! Great way to end my week.
2.Fox & Hounds, Sloane Square
It's heart warming yet slightly disturbing how well I slot in with the type of older gents you might expect to encounter in Sloane Square on a Monday afternoon at this street corner pearler. Well dressed in their colourful suits, ties and cravats, a fruity friendly posh bunch of eccentrics. Felt like fresh meat! Brace yourself for weirdest exchange of the week as I'm at the bar choosing another great pint of Tim Taylor Landlord. "You could've gone Harvey's you know!" says one of the chaps behind me. "I would, but it does strange things to my insides, if you know what I mean" I reply. "Funny you should say that .... we've just been learning that it makes your period come on quicker!" Wow, suddenly I feel vindicated for all these years of Sussex Best turmoil. The barmaid asks if the subject can be changed pronto, and decides to engage in some electric fly-swatting as a diversionary tactic. After I learn Petula Clark and R Cilla used to drink here, another chap points at a piece of art of the wall depicting some historic battle and tell me the comedian Jimmy Edwards was painted into it, cos he was 'friends' with the artist. They are horrified I've never heard of Jimmy - I'm relieved to be able to tell them I've just about heard of Michael Bentine. But you'd think it was the 50's or 60's the way this lot prattle on, even when we get onto the subject of pubs, half of those mentioned got closed 50 years back, no good to BRAPA! But what a great set o' lads, and a surreal experience it had been. Definitely a highlight of the week.
1.Plough, Norwood Green
The best Fuller's pub I've been to in my life wins the top honour, no mean feat when I consider just how many I've had to visit to reach 61.87% completion, with varied results! Part of the charm was the location - leafiest London of the week. I'd walked from Southall, and without wishing to be rude, one of the most godforsaken shit tips I've witnessed in this occasionally green and pleasant land. Door locked 11:59am, fair do's, so I wander away only to see an elderly couple about to try the same entrance. "Ha! They've got no chance!" I say to Colin who can't see what's going on from inside my bag. I look away for a second, and when I look back, they've gone, yet I never see them in the pub. Ghosts? It is reaching that time of year where the veil between life and death is at its thinnest. Anyway, back entrance is now open. Cheerful lad behind bar, choice is Pride or Pride. I go for Pride. Drinks EXCEEDINGLY well. Mr Kiplingesque, I'd pick it more often if it was always on this form. What a 16th century beauty, I'm the first customer but the atmosphere is electric. #PubDog is next to wow me, a scrawny little fellow who keeps following me around until I take such a shine to him, I'm seeing him more as a #PubCat identifying as a dog, as is his right! #WokeSi2024 With a vinyl collection in the far corner, and the guv'nor with his possible Irish burr popping over to make sure I'm having a good time, all that's left to do is sup up and feel the timeless quality - amazing pub.
There we go, any of the top four could've won it in truth. Hope you enjoyed.
I'm dicing tomorrow, Hallowe'ening on Thursday, so I'll be back similar time Friday for the month end review. It has been a good month for pub ticking.
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