"She's one of our own, she's one of our own, ohhhh Christine Taylor, she's one of our own" chant the Tunbridge massive as the players remerge from the tunnel ready for the second half, alluding to one of the most famous pub ticking WAGs out there, who hails from the town.
They quickly follow it up with "Sports Science, is your only degree!" A scathing attack that has our Leics heroes reeling. They can only respond with the slightly hackneyed "you're rich, but you're miserable".
Speaking of which, quick point of order. Club has its name changed to ROYAL Tunbridge Wells just in time for the second half to get underway.
Wheeltapper (Loughborough) v George (Royal Tunbridge Wells)
And Loughborough start the second half slowly too at the Wheeltapper. Is it possible to be put off a pub just on entering? Because these large heavy glass pull doors did absolutely nothing for me, and the stark large basically furnished interior didn't have my heart leaping either, despite something of a railway theme. However. I had an excellent card up my sleeve thanks for one of my more excitable Twitter followers, Brooooood. His former neighbour is the 'guvnor. "Say hello to Lovely John from me" he'd instructed me. So I asked if he was Lovely John. He said yes. There was a just as lovely long haired man at the bar too. So I stayed and chatted with them, and what with that, a Mad Caddies soundtrack and a cracking pint of Shiny, what more do you need? Lovely John is from Cannock and he roared with laughter when I said how weird I found Rugeley! I love that rivalry. Lovely Long Haired Man told me about some bus pub trips he'd been on, then asked my views on Star Trek and I confessed to not having any, which I could tell was a let down. Then a HUGE group of what looked like mime artists, but probably weren't, arrived for evening drinks.
Talking of Twitter links, a chap on the Saturday told me he'd be in the George at ROYAL Tunbridge Wells about 4pm, but we were just an hour or so ahead so missed him. He'd said this place was a favourite of his in town, but once again, it left me a little cold. Not literally, heating was something it did have, a lot of hot air from families with buggies eating whilst watching the Six Nations (whatever that is!) Should babies really be eating chicken burgers, onion rings and loaded fries? The ale here was on scintillating form though, another Pig & Porter, this time a dark one called Blackbird Stout. Yum, I've heard of them being baked into pies before, but never had them liquified until now. Delicious if slightly medieval. It really needed more loungey plushness. It wasn't too far from 'mirroring' (see below) the Sussex Arms in terms of trying to be a bit too London, but it did have a bit more natural atmosphere than that place, and its Leics counterpart.
It remains 1-1.
Both teams could've nicked a goal there, but neither did enough. Lovely John hit the bar, A. Blackbird had a point blank effort saved off his beak, but we move into the latter stages still all square. What drama here, I say, marvellous.
Moonface Brewery & Tap (Loughborough) v Fuggles Beer Cafe (Tunbridge Wells)
No wonder Daddy B. is happy. The overall standard is raised again as the 70th minute ticks around at whatever neutral venue these two sides would meet at. Moonface Brewery & Tap was a grower. Considering it is based in a former art studio, there was something that evoked those memories of an middle ages time, where farmers would sit around drinking 14th century Somerset cider or something. That was my impression five pints in! Despite the slightly awkward seating. Despite a young and very chatterboxxy after work crowd. I'm annoyed at myself for shunning their own Moonface beers for a Settle Blood Orange thing. Straight from the barrel, well kept, but a bit thin and frustrating! Oscar makes friends with some knitted characters. Wotsits on sale? No brainer, I grabbed a bag off the poor guv'nor who keeps trying to get back to his cryptic crossword, but flippin' customers won't leave him alone! It's a hard life running a pub.
I probably preferred Tonbridge's Fuggles Cafe in truth, even though you'd think the longer, more wooden, more svelte Royal Tunbridge Wells version offers a bit more pubbiness in a Belgian cafe kinda way - in fact it wasn't totally dissimilar to L**ds North Bar. I can't work out whether the barman is an impatient sod or whether us two are just been sketchy. "Pale ale please". "WHICH ONE?" "Toastie please". "WHICH ONE?" Yes, he seemed a bit exasperated by us! North Riding beers makes everything okay though don't they, even if they were served in mini troughs rather than proper pint glasses?! A dangerous dog / twild combo (I think both wanted to murder each other) are being fawned over by Twummies just a few feet away. Our delicious and much needed toastie has a peculiar 'skewered gherkin' accompaniment. Once again, a pub that grew on me like an angry and merry patch of ringworm.
It remains 1-1 - we just cannot separate the sides. I think these were both a step on their respective fourth pubs, but a sort of equal step up.
So it all goes down to the final few drunken sixth pint minutes of the game. Can we find a winner?
Needle & Pin (Loughborough) v Royal Oak (Royal Tunbridge Wells)
More geekdom merriment greets me at the Needle & Pin. I've not even reached the bar when I realise a very intense chat about Bilbo Baggins and various Tolkein creatures. They smile up at my expectantly. But like Star Trek earlier, I have no input of note despite having a one line part playing a Hobbit in a school play, Brolin or Dahlin or something. All I can do is order the weirdly named but highly addictive mild called 'More Canals than Venice'. I remember simply feeling happily hazy in sixth pint splendour here in Loughborough, listening to the funny forgettable chatter, but at the end of the day it was a small box room which left little impression.
Of course, I was similarly hazy by this same point at the Royal Oak, which is what makes this such a fair and even handed contest. The difference here though, was that this would be a quality old boozer against any opposition. Carpets, bench seating, a healthy yet unhealthy pubbub of some of RTW's more 'real' looking characters. The central bar stretches all the way around to the loos, and yet it still feels cosy and intimate despite having plenty of room - the loungey thrumming place we'd been crying out for all game, and a quality pale Gooseberry thing from Cellar Head - though I confess I order it because it said 'fuller taste' and I thought it meant 'like ESB'.
Accidental photo of the day GOAL! Loughborough 1-2 Royal Tunbridge Wells.
And it was an unstoppable finish from Oak. No time for the Leics outfit to get back into it as the ref blows for full time. A very tight game, but you can't argue with the R.Oak finish. A rare moment of true quality in the second half.
See you all next time where the North Kentish Micro Strollers will play a combined outfit from Leics, Notts and Warwickshire. What a game that will be!
Thanks for reading, Si
