BRAPA SNOWDOWN .... KENT MICRO NORTH END v CHARNWOOD & NUNEATON CASUALS (1st half)

It was Kent v Midlands yet again and the question on everyone's lips pre-match was 'could the micropubs of North Kent do what Tunbridge Wells did a week ago and come out victorious?'

Or would this super new Midlands hybrid, including elements of Leics, Notts and Warwickshire, get their revenge on a frozen pitch?

Play started down in Kent with Daddy BRAPA officiating.

The most exciting part of our long journey to Herne Bay was seeing the most sartorially elegant Scunthorpe Utd fan in history. He got off at Whitstable? Why? We couldn't work it out.

A surprisingly long 35-40 walk uphill to Beltinge helped us shake off the cobwebs after a long journey.

Copper Pottle (Beltinge) v Swan (Mountsorrel)

Upon noticing the motley gaggle of locals eyeing me curiously as I take the requisite BRAPA 'establishing shots' on my phone, I spin around to see a very Sam Smith's style sign - 'no mobiles (Rachel), no e-thingies OR anything with wires attached (except pacemakers)'. Cash only too. A peculiar micro the Copper Pottle, it shuts from 3-5, even on a Saturday. Basic, the 'bar' is just for show, of course the beers are poured out of view in the now familiar Kentish kitchen closet. On a day where I was expecting to enjoy the ale a lot more than the pubs, the opposite would prove to be true. Not so much due to beer quality, I just kept choosing ales not to my taste. This Kent Goldings bitter was one of the more enjoyable, but perhaps the long walk and a fresh palette made it more pleasant now than it would've been later on. After giving it much thought, the guv'nor finally comes over for a GBG related chat. Sounds like many pre-emptives are popping up meaning Herne Bay churn could be a factor come '24. Nice chap though, and a happy pub which bedded in nicely after an uncertain start.

On an icy Thursday afternoon 'twixt Loughborough and Leicester, I took myself to about the only GBG pub open before 4pm in the whole of Charnwood. The Swan deserves commendation for that alone. I'm the only customer until my final dregs. In fact, the most human interaction comes with white van man (above) (not Daddy BRAPA) as he waits for me to photograph the pub, wiggles his wing mirror to let me pass, and we joke about him being camera shy. A lovely pub, you enter through a courtyard, the loos are outside too. A homely barmaid greets me, and I'm glad I pick Dr Johnson over Scoundrel because it is dark and soothing and as bitter as the wind out there. I settle in front of a log burner. A basic but vaguely modernised pub, low stools make up most of the seating. But because I am the only customer up until the final moments when a cheerful mother and son arrive, the whole experience ain't as joyous as it might be on say, a sunny Saturday afternoon.

"Oscar, give us a wave, Oscar Oscar give us a wave"

It remains 0-0. Clash of basic styles cancel each other out.

My heart would've awarded the goal to the Swan on most occasions, but I can't justify it on this evidence. The lack of folk, compared with the warm personal touch of the Copper Pottle (despite its peculiarities), balance out the fact that in general terms, I much prefer the Swan as a type of pub to drink in.

"You'll never sing that, you'll never sing thaaaat, real fire, bench seating, you'll never sing that" chant our Midlands counterparts at our Kentish micro club.

Onto phase two.

Parkerville (Herne Bay) v White Lion (Rempstone)

'Vajazzle' isn't the first word your want to hear when entering a pub, but tickers can't be choosers and I can only be glad in such situations that Daddy BRAPA is deaf as a post and rushes straight off for a wee in any case. Leaving me to laugh & joke with these three 'mature' ladies re what an intro it had been, especially as one then gets a hairbrush out and starts brushing the thick grey (head) hair of the oldest stager next to her. Like she was a family pet. Again, I chuckle along that I wish someone would brush my hair in a pub once in a while. It wasn't to be a sign of things to come sadly for Parkerville, the weakest of today's Kent lot. The so-called 'fresh on beer' was seriously fizzy and weird, and once the vajazzle sisters got picked up by a local lothario almost certainly called Big Geoff, the place had zero atmosphere. And that nice man with the pub in Rye I might visit by 2030 points out that the bottled lager they advertise is Aldi's own brand! Well, with all the Beltinge talk of recently opened Herne Bay micros, may I boldly predict this one is dropped from the 2024 edition.

It is worth noting that when I arrived at Rempstone's White Lion, sometime around 16:15, a full 15 minutes after it had opened, I was in a pretty shitty mood. Out all day in the freezing icy snow and wind, just one pub to show for it, stymied at every turning thanks to transport, weather and miserly Charnwood pub opening times. The fact I left feeling 'springy' was testament to a classic (a 'spring' in my step, and full of the joys of a 'spring' that hadn't really arrived yet). It is already busy, and the 'cosy' bar area means that technically speaking, the bar blockers are pub blockers. They have the presence of mind to shift over to the side when they see me looking wildly for solace in the form of a gorgeous Bass, followed up with a half of a fruity Castle Rock due to bus times. The only heating is provided by fire and woodburner. I was next to the latter, and in an experience mirroring the Grey Horse in Balerno, try try as they might, they couldn't get the darn thing going. Even my words of encouragement didn't help. Oscar hooted to no avail, before we were joined by a lovely village couple. They told me this was a community pub. Well, blow me down .... I normally associate them with cliquiness, shit decor and overpriced avg beer, but this pub bucked the trend. Gorgeous from front to back, head to toe. To top it off, a platter of pork pies, cheese and crackers was brought over, and I was encouraged to tuck in, which I did heartily. Amazing stuff.

Kent Micro North End 0-1 Charnwood & Nuneaton Casuals

.... and it should be 0-2 but for my rules preventing a two goal swing per game. We'll call it a disallowed goal as W.Lion was adjudged to have impeded an vajazzled old lady from a corner.

Can Kent respond before half time?

Bouncing Barrel (Herne Bay) v White Hart (Loughborough)

This was more like it from the Kent side, Bouncing Barrel bouncing into life from the start. 'Limbs' as the kids say, flailing everywhere, letting off flares (this is poetic license by the way) in one of those classic tight-knit little set ups that defy all the pub logic you grew up with. Blackboard to squint at. No bar. Barman and local, both absolutely brilliant blokes I must add, grabbing us by the proverbial scruff of the neck and making us instantly welcome. One of those types of place where you have no choice but to be sociable. The local we talk to quickly discourages me from going for Titanic Chocolate & Vanilla Stout in favour of 'trying something new'. Well, whatever underwhelming bitter I ended up selecting, I could've easily resented his intervention if he hadn't been so sound and spot-on in everything else he said. He even loved North Yorkshire for heaven's sake! You won't hear that in Ashford International. Landlord is lovely too, so much so, I let him highlight my GBG providing Daddy BRAPA supervises the operation. After all, Mr Bouncing's auntie did own a dress shop somewhere near the Last Drop Inn in York. This was Kent doing micros at its Kentish peak.

I'd not particularly been expecting to like the White Hart, after all they'd been closed unexpectedly for a paint job when I was here a fortnight ago, though to be fair, when I scrolled far enough down their Facebook, they had mentioned it. But as it transpired, this place exceeded my expectations. The two main things I'll take away were (a) the 'mood' lighting, and I mean 'mood' - candlelit throughout, there could've been a power cut. I love a dark pub. It gave atmosphere to a place which had the potential to be bright, tinny and clanky. I approve. And (b) the staff. Bloody 'ell. It was like they were all on happy pills. Was this really Leicestershire? "Love yer pink jumper mate" said one young lad, lovely as question marks over my sartorial elegance have been an issue of late. "Nice to get into the warmth ain't it mate?" says another, noting my 500 layers before I unleashed the pink jumper on the pub. Didn't hugely enjoy my first pint but a follow up half of porter went down a treat. Busy loud place, but yet not uncomfy.

It is a start!

Kent Micro North End 1-1 Charnwood & Nuneaton Casuals

Equaliser for Kent! A bit unlucky for the White Hart, it had much to commend it but just the full-on experience in Bouncing Barrel and extra pubiness just edges it.

Half time.

I think on balance over the whole half, Kent is slightly fortunate to go in at 1-1. Second half coming up tomorrow / Wednesday, as subs are made and attentions turn towards Nuneaton and Whitstable.

Thanks for reading, Si