18. Deacon's, Salisbury
Quite easy to end up with a tattoo instead of pint if you're not concentrating / a bit pie-eyed, but thankfully it was early enough in the afternoon to avoid a good inking. Having got off to a slow start in Salisbury on this, my first day , Deacon's lit the blue touch paper on my holiday simply because it was so busy, you were thrown into the churn and had to ride the wave. With a small front and huge bottom, I'm grateful to the barmaid who encouraged me to explore. And yes, I'm aware I could've phrased that better #WokeSi2023 What I mean is, I'm thankful for a large backroom, tastefully done, wooden and green, mural of people from t'olden days, only being spoiled by Sheff Utd's giant plasma attempts to be plucky against Man City. 0-0 when I arrived, 3-0 by the time I'd had a sip from a new brewery making its debut here today, Rude Giant, named after that thing with the willy at Cerne Abbas. Anyway, credit Deacon's, a lively 50/50 local/tourist split atmosphere, I finally felt 'alive' and ready to continue my ticking late into the evening.
17. Old Road Tavern, Chippenham
And whilst we're on the subject of busy pubs with atmospheres you had to 'roll with', this music boozer a stone's throw from Chippy station (although I walked the long way around thinking a railway bridge was closed) was the sort of bonkers, anything goes style pub that made me glad I was on pint seven and pretty much numb to every external factor going on here, and there were plenty of them. I slagged off music pubs the other day after my tepid Winchester Gate experience, but here, on a Monday evening, the place was awash with unwashed urchins, random dancers, stoners and the chippily insane. Maybe I'm exaggerating a smidge. Very friendly, in a mad way that'd scare Norfolk folk. When I went back up for a giant bag of smoky barbecue Mini Cheddars, I suddenly felt like I 'belonged'. Emotional proud Si moment. That's when the dancing started. And the howling. Or was it singing? I chuckled nervously, and went to explore and found a lonely pool table I liked the look of. A nice woman did a weird wobble when I went to sit back down, glad my Danish Dynamite is 5% and I'm feel drunker by the second.
16. Boot Inn, Tisbury
'BRAPA and the mystery of the mid afternoon closure' took on another chapter as I arrive at the Boot, shortly after 2:20pm on a sunny Sunday afternoon in rural South Wiltshire. That scary phone alert was due to ping at 3pm too. It was a pub experience of two halves. 'Well this is a bit of bollocks innit?' I'm thinking for in first half. Goggled-eyed well fed locals discuss jam, junipers, and dogs getting into farmers fields. They do not seem to be looking on Colin with very kind eyes either! Local ale straight from the barrel used to be an exciting novelty, now I'd much rather a Timmy Taylor Landlord from the pump with a nice tight generous head! When did I get so old? The pub toddler runs around. A dog tries similar but trips over. I can't get on the WiFi. The experience perks up when the landlord comes over, having no doubt seen Colin, my GBG, my amateur pub photography, and asks what I'm all about. Well, unlike THAT Enford experience, he's lovely, and we have a reet good chinwag about Wiltshire pubs. He seems to know everything about every pub. Beer is tasting better now. I even ask if they are REALLY closing at 3pm. He says yes. Well, all I can say is I finally get up to leave at 2:52pm, there's been no last orders bell, the locals are still settled with drinks, some are at the bar chatting with staff, absolutely no indication of mid afternoon closure. The mystery goes on, and if it wasn't for that ONE experience in Sutton upon Derwent's St Vincent Arms in 2015, I'd swear it was a myth!
Oh, and my phone never pinged at 3pm, but that's hopeless Three for you (though the five of us waiting for it, and the 3:02 train on Tisbury station, did at least have a giggle as we waited for our phones to explode).
15. Phoenix, Gillingham
Reverse experience here, great first half, weaker second half! You have to go back to 13th Feb 2019 to find the last time I managed a Dorset tick, ably assisted by RetiredMartin's chauffeuring efforts although both our SatNav's got in a spin trying to find the Sixpenny Tap at Cranborne, which was pretty good if I remember. Today, in Gillingham (with a hard G unlike those Kent softies), it was more straightforward. I'd already been impressed by one pub today but when I walked into here, I was in my element. This wasn't 'pub squared' but 'pub cubed'! All manner of glassy eyed drunken locals (it is 1pm) shout 'hello' at me, some from a distance, the stand out character being John, feeding his Lassie dog a packet of purple Piper eaters in the front window. 'Like being in someone's sitting room' as they say. I found Gillingham a very friendly place. North Dorset > South Wiltshire for people in my experience. Had my perfect Phoenix moment ended after 15 mins, supping Swanage Nut Brown from a Doom glass, this pub would've made top 10. But all at once, nearly everyone left. A mass exodus! They were moaning about some outdoor bowling event in town earlier, maybe they'd relented and gone to check it out? I tried a few "was it something I said?" comments to the staff and remaining mardy old bugger, but no one laughed, and the experience fizzled and died a bit!
14. Wyndham Arms, Salisbury
Only my own failure to stay sober prevents this cracking street corner boozer from being a top 10 shoo-in, probably top 5. It was the end of my first day, not the most I'd drunk this holiday, but I think it resulted from a combination of not eating enough plus the long arduous journey and early start from York (I had an unscheduled change at Basingstoke for heaven's sake, where a Samaritan gave me a card!) Nevertheless, I just had enough faculties remaining to appreciate this carpeted gem, Hop Back really know how to do good pubs don't they? Sultan South Wimbledon and that thing in Reading really stand out as being matches for this, and I'm sure Devizes and Salisbury's Rugby Club could've both done better in different circumstances. All I can really tell you is that the Spring Zing was a fine drop, I climbed two carpeted steps into a raised area, sat near a jolly looking couple (she had a 'Challenge Anneka' style top on but didn't look anything like Ricey) and I took the below selfie I had no recollection of until the following day, I think my expression shows I'm struggling! And why is Colin sucking his own toe? Then it was back to my apartment via a corner shop, I watched a weird horror film, woke up with my key in the outer door, bags and food wrappers strewn everywhere, and discovered a hidden second bathroom in the night!
Oh dear! Well, there we go.
Back on Thursday for five or six more, and I tell yer what, we'll finally be getting into some I truly loved.
See ya next time, Si
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